Not being good looking

[illbackyouup_03]

So I'm finally at university and have been having a blast for a few days, but last night it hit me that I am very not good looking. For all I know I could be wrong, and I guess it is a subjective thing, but here is why I think that:

The first few days you obviously meet people like no tomorrow. I consider myself to have a pretty damn good personality, I can talk to anybody, and am pretty confident. I don't know if anyone has ever just came out and said this before, but I think it might be in the back of everyone's mind. The majority of really attractive girls, don't have much interest in less attractive guys. Of course there are those who just have a friendly personality and don't care, but last night when I was walking to a frosh party with some guys I noticed some girls I had tried to meet before flirting with these guys. Now when I introduced myself they were all polite and everything, but they didn't make much eye contact and I could tell there was no interest. Now I've been noticing that a lot more.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid here, but the only thing I think it can really be is that I am not good looking, it's the only factor. And now I'm kind of upset because that is the one thing you can't change. Any thoughts?

[illbackyouup_03]

whoops

[Rob]

I thought this was going to be about the candidates' busted daughters.

[gkwillie40]

well i know this isn't in the right forum but just to respond.. i feel somewhat the same way about meeting people. i'm here to make friends.. not relationships but i feel like other people aren't. i don't really connect with many girls because i'm more guyish and the guys don't wanna talk to me because they aren't interested every though i'm not looking for a relationship. so i feel like i'm in the same boat as you.

[come&dancew/me]

So I'm finally at university and have been having a blast for a few days, but last night it hit me that I am very not good looking. For all I know I could be wrong, and I guess it is a subjective thing, but here is why I think that:

The first few days you obviously meet people like no tomorrow. I consider myself to have a pretty damn good personality, I can talk to anybody, and am pretty confident. I don't know if anyone has ever just came out and said this before, but I think it might be in the back of everyone's mind. The majority of really attractive girls, don't have much interest in less attractive guys. Of course there are those who just have a friendly personality and don't care, but last night when I was walking to a frosh party with some guys I noticed some girls I had tried to meet before flirting with these guys. Now when I introduced myself they were all polite and everything, but they didn't make much eye contact and I could tell there was no interest. Now I've been noticing that a lot more.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid here, but the only thing I think it can really be is that I am not good looking, it's the only factor. And now I'm kind of upset because that is the one thing you can't change. Any thoughts?
Post a pic and let's see!

[System]

Get hammered and stay hammered...everybody is better looking/funnier when you are drunk off your ass.

[il bacio dolce]

Most girls are too shallow to give a guy the time of day unless he is hot. You have to become friends with girls and let them see your personality or you will not get anywhere with them. Unless you want less attractive girls.

[JanelleM]

You might not catch their attention at first, but most girls will pick the funny good personality guy over the good looking guy anyday after getting to know you.

[mray10]

Appearance has way more to do with attitude than anything else. Have confidence in yourself and you'll look very good.

[PrettyPenelope]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Sometimes the really hot guys know they are hot, and they treat girls like another piece of ass for the night. The nicer, funnier guys who want to talk and get to know you will inevitably be the ones to get noticed in the long run.

[JustinRIT]

I think most of what's being said is the right thing to say, and yet, not the truth.

[EatSleepJeep]

You don't want any girl that makes her initial assumptions based upon physical appearance. Fear not, there are many girls out there who think you're the best thing in town, you just have to find ONE of them.

[SMN43]

:thumbsup Appearance has way more to do with attitude than anything else. Have confidence in yourself and you'll look very good.

[marjorybarnes]

You might not catch their attention at first, but most girls will pick the funny good personality guy over the good looking guy anyday after getting to know you.

:thumbsup I whloeheartedly agree with this post. I think its great when you have known a guy for a while, then all of a sudden you're like, "Hey... This is a funny, smart, great guy, AND I LIKE HIM!" At that point looks really dont matter that much anymore because your already attracted to that person, inside and out... Unless you're a shallow bitch. ;)

[System]

Unless you're a shallow bitch. ;)

I hate shallow bitches...they piss me off

Speaking of my ex girlfriend. I ran into her at the bar. And had the doorman kick out her current boyfriend. Sucks to be her.

[Davenumber40]

Just be very careful of not getting too friendly. You run the risk of becoming a girls girlfriend with a penis. Occasionally talk about other girls being cute and drop little things about stuff you do with your guy friends ("What'd you do last night?" "Oh we played poker or basketball or something").

[watchtwrwildcat]

I've never liked hunky guys. They tend to be a little uninteresting. I've always gone for funny.

[jester29]

Bethie, Are you even allowed to post in a thread called 'Not being good looking'???? :)

[il bacio dolce]

I think most of what's being said is the right thing to say, and yet, not the truth.

:p It's like being told you are beautiful on the inside. It's a backhanded compliment.

Is it shallow to be unattracted or turned off by someone who you do not find good looking?

[watchtwrwildcat]

Bethie, Are you even allowed to post in a thread called 'Not being good looking'???? :) hey, what's that supposed to mean???:(
I've never clowned on anyone that isn't good-looking before......

[il bacio dolce]

You don't have to necessarily treat them like shit or "clown on them" whatever that means. I'm just saying, is it shallow to not be attracted to them on the basis of their appearance?

[DreemingTree]

Get hammered and stay hammered...everybody is better looking/funnier when you are drunk off your ass.
it's college, you're frosh....fuck it! and it's CONFIDENCE that matters. It doesn't matter how ugly you are, well zits matter, your confidence will shine through if you can find it in yourself to put it out there. Just talk to the girls and think inside your head " I am a good-looking guy with outstanding self-confidence and i have a lot to offer these little hoochies, they are lucky to be talking to me right now" and smile a lot. It will work in time....trust me!

[DreemingTree]

or....just get them drunk right off the bat ;)

[Dancing Ants]

it actually is sense of humor in alot of situations. i was talking to the ex about a week ago, and she thought i was cute (not hott), but it was my sense o humor that really endeared her.

if you are just looking for a piece of ass...i would say go to a club and just hit on every chick you see.

[watchtwrwildcat]

it actually is sense of humor in alot of situations. i was talking to the ex about a week ago, and she thought i was cute (not hott), but it was my sense o humor that really endeared her.

:thumbsupI've always fallen for the funny ones. If you can make me laugh and keep me laughing, you're in luck.

[Fooltothink55]

Funny personalities usually win the girls, well at least it's always worked for me. I wouldn't worry about it....unless your absolutely ghastly.

[johnbro23]

Everyone's comments are 100% correct. I'm the exact opposite of the original poster. I'm kind of shy and am not very funny. I'd like to have a better personality. Like its something I try to improve, like I try to be myself and laugh a little, but I just have a shy personality that restricts me from being funny or enjoyable. Pretty much every time I meet someone new that I think is attractive, I can get a date or whatever. But I've never had a girlfriend longer than 2 dates. I know its sad, it makes me sad sometimes too when I think about it. At least I'm only a Junior in high school and I've still got pretty much my whole life ahead of me, but it just sucks being shy. I feel like I'm like the last person they call when all the guys play poker, or they dont call at all. It's like that all the time. Anyone have any advice other than the usual "lighten up" or something like that? Anyone else the same way thats found a way to be happy in life?

[watchtwrwildcat]

Everyone's comments are 100% correct. I'm the exact opposite of the original poster. I'm kind of shy and am not very funny. I'd like to have a better personality. Like its something I try to improve, like I try to be myself and laugh a little, but I just have a shy personality that restricts me from being funny or enjoyable. Pretty much every time I meet someone new that I think is attractive, I can get a date or whatever. But I've never had a girlfriend longer than 2 dates. I know its sad, it makes me sad sometimes too when I think about it. At least I'm only a Junior in high school and I've still got pretty much my whole life ahead of me, but it just sucks being shy. I feel like I'm like the last person they call when all the guys play poker, or they dont call at all. It's like that all the time. Anyone have any advice other than the usual "lighten up" or something like that? Anyone else the same way thats found a way to be happy in life?
aw, baby, I just want to give you a big hug.....

not sure what to tell you, cuz I've never really been shy, but I would say maybe try to relax a bit when you are around others...??? I know that's easier said than done...

I do know alot of folks that really came out of their shells during their college years, so maybe that will make you feel a little better--:)

[garback]

you got nothing to worry about. i am ugly, fat and don't really have a personallity at all but i have a hot ass girlfriend. dont ask me how i did it, or why she stays with me because i dont really know. all i know is that there is hope for all of us.
-ben

[emjayaje]

Everyone's comments are 100% correct. I'm the exact opposite of the original poster. I'm kind of shy and am not very funny. I'd like to have a better personality. Like its something I try to improve, like I try to be myself and laugh a little, but I just have a shy personality that restricts me from being funny or enjoyable. Pretty much every time I meet someone new that I think is attractive, I can get a date or whatever. But I've never had a girlfriend longer than 2 dates. I know its sad, it makes me sad sometimes too when I think about it. At least I'm only a Junior in high school and I've still got pretty much my whole life ahead of me, but it just sucks being shy. I feel like I'm like the last person they call when all the guys play poker, or they dont call at all. It's like that all the time. Anyone have any advice other than the usual "lighten up" or something like that? Anyone else the same way thats found a way to be happy in life?

I was just like you! I was extremely shy in high school, and it REALLY sucks, I know. I had my own little group of friends who were basically in the same boat as me, and I knew people here and there, but no dates, not a one (so I guess you are better off than I was, lol). Embarrassing, yes, but true. Then I went to college, and things just changed. I can't really explain why or how, maybe it was a different environment or just being on my own for the first time. Now I obviously don't know you, but maybe you just need to be on your own and figure yourself out. I don't mean to say that you don't already, for all I know, you know yourself very well, but it sounds like you want to change things. College was the key to this for me, which was what made it so great. Beyond the typical advantages - beer, lots of new people, etc. - there was no one there who knew me - it was like I could just start over, where being in high school might be harder because people maybe already have you pegged as "that shy, quiet kid" or something like that (I was known as "Stealth" by some, I kid you not). I also lucked out and met a great group of friends on my floor in my dorm who never judged me, they were so friendly and accepting, which didn't happen in high school, and that helped so much in getting me out of my shell. I hope you will be that lucky! I bet you are funny, maybe not in a way most people might think, and that you have a lot to say. I always called myself the most boring person in the world back then, but the way I expressed myself was through writing. When I had a class where other people had to read my writing, they said how hilarious it was. I just never knew it myself. It sounds weird, but they saw me in a different way after that.
I think the key is wanting to change, if that is indeed what you want. For me, I just got fed up with missing out on so many things that I just said enough and as difficult and awkward (and sometimes painful) as it was, I kind of forced myself to open up a little. But I was always myself, I never just acted a certain way to cover my shyness. I just had to trust that maybe, just maybe, people might be interested in what I had to say, and more often than not, they were. Once you can do that, you can just build on it.
Today I'm considered one of the most friendly people where I work - I'm the one who volunteers to get involved with things around work, and who gets the happy hours organized! Plus, I am a teacher, which isn't the most typical job for someone who is shy. I am still very guarded and I still feel shy a lot - I'm very cautious about who I "let in" so to speak - but you just have to risk putting yourself out there. Sometimes you crash and burn, it's true, but who doesn't? Most times, though, it all works out, and you end up meeting some incredible people and doing incredible things, things you thought you'd never do. It takes time. So give it time, but give it a try.
Sorry, I know this was just me babbling, but I hope it applies to you somehow and makes sense, and I really hope it helps. I feel almost like I am talking to myself from the past in a way (hope that's not too creepy), and I wish someone back then could've given me a reason to believe it would get better. I hope this has. It was a long, difficult process (longer than this post, believe it or not) but it happened. I am still working through it - I have a tough time dating still for reasons which I think I will ask for advice about in another post (to give everyone's eyes a break).
Seriously, good luck, and I'll try to keep tabs on this thread if you want to respond.
- Matt

[emjayaje]

Okay, I've got to ask this, and not to attempt to hijack the thread, but this seems about a good a place as any to whine:
I am not the most good-looking guy in the world, I know this. I'm not hideous, but I don't exactly get hit on ever or asked out. I always tried to make it up in personality, humor, etc. I always thought, as some have said here, that this is really what matters. I generally agree, this is how I see things about women, too. But I am always considered the nice guy, the best friend, the one to count on, the shoulder to cry on. (Would you call this "always the best man, never the groom?") And, of course, this seems to be the death rattle for any chance at a relationship. I have always prided myself on being a good guy, fairly funny, good for conversation, all that stuff, because again, I always thought that it would make up for my looks, or lack thereof (and it's just the way I am, I guess, I would do anything for the people I care about).
I guess my question is, can you be too, well, nice? I have some GREAT relationships with girls, and I appreciate that, but it's always as "just great friends." And many of them are the same girls who say that all they want is a nice guy who cares about them, while they continue to date guys that don't seem to make them happy. They say "you'd treat a girl like gold" but never seem to want to be that girl.
So yes, I am bitter and jealous, ;) , and I'm not saying I'm God's gift to women by any means, but really, what's up with that? What do I have to do? Am I being too simplistic? Naive? What brilliant ideas can you share?

[newscane]

Okay, I've got to ask this, and not to attempt to hijack the thread, but this seems about a good a place as any to whine:
I am not the most good-looking guy in the world, I know this. I'm not hideous, but I don't exactly get hit on ever or asked out. I always tried to make it up in personality, humor, etc. I always thought, as some have said here, that this is really what matters. I generally agree, this is how I see things about women, too. But I am always considered the nice guy, the best friend, the one to count on, the shoulder to cry on. (Would you call this "always the best man, never the groom?") And, of course, this seems to be the death rattle for any chance at a relationship. I have always prided myself on being a good guy, fairly funny, good for conversation, all that stuff, because again, I always thought that it would make up for my looks, or lack thereof (and it's just the way I am, I guess, I would do anything for the people I care about).
I guess my question is, can you be too, well, nice? I have some GREAT relationships with girls, and I appreciate that, but it's always as "just great friends." And many of them are the same girls who say that all they want is a nice guy who cares about them, while they continue to date guys that don't seem to make them happy. They say "you'd treat a girl like gold" but never seem to want to be that girl.
So yes, I am bitter and jealous, ;) , and I'm not saying I'm God's gift to women by any means, but really, what's up with that? What do I have to do? Am I being too simplistic? Naive? What brilliant ideas can you share?
I'm in the same boat... about average looks, (what I think is) good personality, and the "nice guy." And never having any luck with girls. When you come up with the answers, I'll also ask you this week's lotto numbers...

[viking217]

I think most of what's being said is the right thing to say, and yet, not the truth.
this is quite possibly one of the most intelligent posts i've read on this forum :thumbsup

[watchtwrwildcat]

So yes, I am bitter and jealous, ;) , and I'm not saying I'm God's gift to women by any means, but really, what's up with that? What do I have to do? Am I being too simplistic? Naive? What brilliant ideas can you share?
I know that no one is going to believe when I say looks don't matter, but they really don't. I have only had one 'classically handsome' boyfriend and he was nothing but a long road of heartache. In the end, sense of humor is by far the most important trait when it comes to the opposite sex, imo.

All I can think is that maybe its a confidence issue? Girls can sniff out insecurity from a mile away....

[clemson357]

....I guess my question is, can you be too, well, nice? ...it's always as "just great friends." And many of them are the same girls who say that all they want is a nice guy who cares about them, while they continue to date guys that don't seem to make them happy. They say "you'd treat a girl like gold" but never seem to want to be that girl....

ok dude, i am going to break the news to you. GIRLS LIKE ASSHOLES. it is the truth, i was once in your position. i dated four or five girls for 2 weeks only, it never worked out because i was too nice. you have to be a dick once in a while. SERIOUSLY, BE A DICK. you will get laid, i promise. girls will quote me and say im wrong, but just try it. it is the sad truth, girls want nice guys, but if they put out for the nice guys like they do for the assholes there would be a lot more nice guys.

EDIT: It is the whole Alpha male thing, you will only understand it after you try it.

[watchtwrwildcat]

ok dude, i am going to break the news to you. GIRLS LIKE ASSHOLES.
that's true, but I think the girls that like assholes tend to be younger. That shit gets really old--and the older we get, the more attractive the nice guys seem.

[mojo1210]

here is my predicament, now that im finished with college, where the hell do i meet women? i really dislike the bar scene.....so thats really not an option for me. i have few friends in the city that i live in now that every one has moved home or to different parts of the country. for those of you in college, enjoy it. being done with it is fucking sweet. but i miss the social life.

[Mason R.]

Well, to the guys who were talking about being shy, I'm like that too. Like when I'm with a friend and a bunch of his friends who I don't know, I generally don't talk that much or crack jokes like I do with my good friends. One reason I think I'm like that is that I just don't have that much in common with people in my grade. I go to a private school, which kinda sucks. 'Cause everyone gets good grades, are optimistic, and like curent pop music, and I don't get very good grades, am really cynical, and like music from the 60s and 70s generally. Of course this doesn't have much to do with this thread really, but I just felt like saying it anyways.

[System]

I know that no one is going to believe when I say looks don't matter, but they really don't. I have only had one 'classically handsome' boyfriend and he was nothing but a long road of heartache. In the end, sense of humor is by far the most important trait when it comes to the opposite sex, imo.

All I can think is that maybe its a confidence issue? Girls can sniff out insecurity from a mile away....


Bethie, I would just like to point out one thing.

I have made you laugh a bunch...

[Haiku Jimi]

here is my predicament, now that im finished with college, where the hell do i meet women? i really dislike the bar scene.....so thats really not an option for me. i have few friends in the city that i live in now that every one has moved home or to different parts of the country. for those of you in college, enjoy it. being done with it is fucking sweet. but i miss the social life.

I'm into my third year and I'm already worried about that...

PS I've got the shy personality thing going on too
PPS I doubt my looks sometimes too
PPPS I'm cynical, like 60's/70's music, and go to a private university too

blah

[mojo1210]

I'm into my third year and I'm already worried about that...

PS I've got the shy personality thing going on too
PPS I doubt my looks sometimes too
PPPS I'm cynical, like 60's/70's music, and go to a private university too

blah

yeah its quite the predicament. especially when my senior year i thought i had found the one. well she broke up with me two weeks after i graduated. didnt help the situation. and yeah i like many in this thread come off rather shy, doubt my looks and listen to 60's music.

[jester29]

hey, what's that supposed to mean???:(
I've never clowned on anyone that isn't good-looking before......

Sorry! :( I didn't mean that... I just meant that, from what I've seen, you're damn good looking... ;)

[AggieDMBFan06]

fuck it yall. get a great job and become rich youll have girls all over you.

Girls are stupid! Girls like the assholes cause they are stupid. theyd rather cry for some stupid shit than going out with a cool funny avg looking guy. im a nice guy i think but i like being an asshole.

Asshole is fun. Dang Girls are stupid. Guys are stupid too but not as stupid as girls

[illbackyouup_03]

Okay, I've got to ask this, and not to attempt to hijack the thread, but this seems about a good a place as any to whine:
I am not the most good-looking guy in the world, I know this. I'm not hideous, but I don't exactly get hit on ever or asked out. I always tried to make it up in personality, humor, etc. I always thought, as some have said here, that this is really what matters. I generally agree, this is how I see things about women, too. But I am always considered the nice guy, the best friend, the one to count on, the shoulder to cry on. (Would you call this "always the best man, never the groom?") And, of course, this seems to be the death rattle for any chance at a relationship. I have always prided myself on being a good guy, fairly funny, good for conversation, all that stuff, because again, I always thought that it would make up for my looks, or lack thereof (and it's just the way I am, I guess, I would do anything for the people I care about).
I guess my question is, can you be too, well, nice? I have some GREAT relationships with girls, and I appreciate that, but it's always as "just great friends." And many of them are the same girls who say that all they want is a nice guy who cares about them, while they continue to date guys that don't seem to make them happy. They say "you'd treat a girl like gold" but never seem to want to be that girl.
So yes, I am bitter and jealous, ;) , and I'm not saying I'm God's gift to women by any means, but really, what's up with that? What do I have to do? Am I being too simplistic? Naive? What brilliant ideas can you share?

I've been where you are, and so have a lot of guys. Chances are, some girl out there that you don't really give any attention to, does want you. The thing is, when you lavish a girl with attention, you're putting the ball in their court. It's hard to explain, but treating a girl "like gold", isn't the best way into their pants. Treat them just like any old person. Let them come to you now and then. It'll avoid the friends thing, trust me. Not sure you can pick up what im saying, but whatev, there it is.

[i like tictacs]

This is a post I wrote for some dude on another board with girl issues. Whether or not it pertains, you decide:


In reply to not being able to get any women, period, attracted to him:

"It's because you suck. I can tell from this thread...you are a total whining baby. Fulfilling her every need. Holding the door for her. Saying yes to her every demand.

She won't like you for that.

You gotta tell them what to do. She asks you to get her a napkin? Ask her if she's crippled. When she says no, tell her...exactly, you can get it. They love it. Just stuff like that. Be a cocky person. But don't overdo it. Compliment them every once in awhile...for example...if you know she's a model, and she sends you a picture of her and you think she's hot...Don't say she's hot. She's heard it a million times and doing it again is just going to label you a PANSY. Tell her...well there she is huh? Or something like that. Don't tell her she's hot. Don't even hint at it. You send her a picture and she says it's cute? Say something cocky back. They love it. They like being bossed around. They don't like assholes you say?...you aren't the asshole when you're getting a blowjob after doing what I told you, are you? Sack up kiddo. Just get out there and do something about it.

tl;dr: Don't be a pansy."

[Davenumber40]

Everyone's comments are 100% correct. I'm the exact opposite of the original poster. I'm kind of shy and am not very funny. I'd like to have a better personality. Like its something I try to improve, like I try to be myself and laugh a little, but I just have a shy personality that restricts me from being funny or enjoyable. Pretty much every time I meet someone new that I think is attractive, I can get a date or whatever. But I've never had a girlfriend longer than 2 dates. I know its sad, it makes me sad sometimes too when I think about it. At least I'm only a Junior in high school and I've still got pretty much my whole life ahead of me, but it just sucks being shy. I feel like I'm like the last person they call when all the guys play poker, or they dont call at all. It's like that all the time. Anyone have any advice other than the usual "lighten up" or something like that? Anyone else the same way thats found a way to be happy in life?

Hey dude. I'm a Soph. in college right now and I was the shy guy in H.S. The best piece of advice I can give you is try to be good friends with someone who is crazy and out going. My best friend is that way and it starts to rub off on you. Plus this guy knows everybody and by extension I meet everyone. You start off as so and so's friend, but it gets you in the door and even if you only get to know 10% of the people you meet it's a lot! I also realized that people would assume that I'm crazy and outgoing because we were together all the time, but he just overshadowed me.

If nothing else when you go to college you can reinvent yourself. So think hard about the people you hang out with, the way you act, and your decisions first year.

[watchtwrwildcat]

Sorry! :( I didn't mean that... I just meant that, from what I've seen, you're damn good looking... ;)
aww, thank ya babe.:)

[watchtwrwildcat]

Bethie, I would just like to point out one thing.

I have made you laugh a bunch...
that you have, tony. :lol:lol
I am laughing right now.

[haildmb]

not a problem of mine, as I am ridiculously good looking.







:D

Now, if only I weren't in such a sausage-fest field of study. Blast!

[Number27]

fuck it yall. get a great job and become rich youll have girls all over you.

Girls are stupid! Girls like the assholes cause they are stupid. theyd rather cry for some stupid shit than going out with a cool funny avg looking guy. im a nice guy i think but i like being an asshole.

Asshole is fun. Dang Girls are stupid. Guys are stupid too but not as stupid as girls
Great advice from Texas. :rolleyes:

[System]

that you have, tony. :lol:lol
I am laughing right now.


Mission accomplished

Now for phase 2 of my master plan..... :evil