Tell me what you think of these lyrics I wrote

[dmbfan012]

Here are just some verses I wrote periodically, but they're not from one song. thery're just scattered verses

risinf up and looking down
clashing my sense of reality
as i stare at a stone in
the wall of my memories


As i expand in the wind
my senses grasp the whispyness of my soul
pourind into a bowl of dreams
as they wash away my imagination deep within


Sometimes I can't explain
why i'm drawn to certain things
it feels as if i've lost an opertunity
to better my small view of our being,
and in doing so, growing as a mammal
in this close minded spectrum of life

[DomM41]

cool man, keep it up. I play, write, sing, but am horrified of it

[SeaneeRo66]

I think you've got some good lyrics...but, ya know, it's kind of hard to rate them when they're excerpts from different songs.

Hey, man, my name's Dave. I was thinking maybe you could take a loook at some stuff I wrote:

Hands and feet are all alike
My yellow flame she dances
Later on we'll all be dancing
Sreaming from the minarets
Leave all the lights on
Monkey see, monkey do

I'm just joking around, but you can why it's hard to evaluate your work in pieces. It would be kinda cool though to see who can make the best Dave tune by combining lines from different songs.

Good luck with your writing.

[tractor]

I thought this was really great. you have alot of layers here. I would love to hear it.

come over to poets, share with us. I would love your comments on my work. If you would like something a bit more in depth please pm me.

http://antsmarching.org/forum/showthread.php?t=15149&page=1&pp=30&highlight=poets.

[BDJCL3]

Pretty good. Nice metaphorical imagery.

My big words of the evening, haha

[yin_yang]

these lyrics are no good at all. no offense, but you're trying to be way too deep and metaphorical. lighten up.