I was wondering what you think of these lyrics I wrote?

[dmbfan012]

Here are just some verses I wrote periodically, but they're not from one song. thery're just scattered verses

risinf up and looking down
clashing my sense of reality
as i stare at a stone in
the wall of my memories


As i expand in the wind
my senses grasp the whispyness of my soul
pourind into a bowl of dreams
as they wash away my imagination deep within


Sometimes I can't explain
why i'm drawn to certain things
it feels as if i've lost an opertunity
to better my small view of our being,
and in doing so, growing as a mammal
in this close minded spectrum of life

[Eric(h)]

they suck. But im sure theyd suck less if they were in nDMBc.

[dobyblue]

Musician's forum? nDMBc? rising? wispyness? opportunity?

:lol

I'm being an ass, sorry.

[dobyblue]

:lol but then I read Erich's post and I retract my apology.

[lilc]

:thumbsdow doesnt work for me but if thats how you use your creativity then by all means do it:thumbsup ...

[Gregb486]

they suck. But im sure theyd suck less if they were in nDMBc.ahahahaha

[Eric(h)]

oh hey, look:

http://www.antsmarching.org/forum/showthread.php?t=127815

crossposting with a 7 minute delay.

[Scotty_L]

I'm in no place to judge your lyrics because I doubt I could write anything of worth myself. But I can tell you, anytime I 've seen someone make a post asking for feedback on lyrics, it's usually negative.

[davephan420]

oh hey, look:

http://www.antsmarching.org/forum/showthread.php?t=127815

crossposting with a 7 minute delay.

no, it just clashes with the reality of the forum.

[dmbfan012]

oh hey, look:

http://www.antsmarching.org/forum/showthread.php?t=127815

crossposting with a 7 minute delay.



im sure ur guys lyrics are better...:rolleyes

and that was a mistake double posting it

[Eric(h)]

im sure ur guys lyrics are better...:rolleyes

Terri Shiavo could come up with a better retort than that, and in not so many words.

Reality lesson: Your ability to write lyrics, and your opinion on other people's lyrics are two totaly independant things.

You want opinions:

As i expand in the wind
my senses grasp the whispyness of my soul
pourind into a bowl of dreams
as they wash away my imagination deep within

what the fuck does that mean? No, seriously, beyond you attempting to use words like "whispyness"? What the fuck is a pourind? So, what, youre flying into the wind... ok... like a faerie? ok, we've got that down. Your senses grasp the whyspiness of your soul. Ok, keeping with that faerie motif, thats good. pourind into a bowl of dreams. what the fuck is pourind again? and what are you putting into a bowl of dreams, your whispyness? your soul? senses? faerie wings? now theyre washing away your imagination... yeah, i could see how your imagination has nothing to do with this.

you want more opinions? get back to me when you can tell me what risinf means.

[Gregb486]

^i just bursted out laughing

[paulsimon36]

wow...eric(h)...you're a dick...you can't guess what pourind could possibly be? what a typo is? what pourin- could be? let's hope you never play wheel of fortune...now not that words were deserving of some critique--a blatant attempt to rip of dave--but aye papi, i dunno if thats all necessary

matt

[dobyblue]

im sure ur guys lyrics are better...:rolleyes

Here's some of mine. This one is called Confession.
Thinking of you I float above the treetops
Do you remember when we used to be?
Holding hands and walking on the warm sand
Nothing in this world could have bothered me
Do you remember sunny winters down there?
The holiday stretched in front to see
If this could be the greatest time in our lives
Looking back I know you never quite believed

Where did you go, why?
Where did you go?
In my mind sometimes

How the songs they followed us round so sweetly
You kissed me and I looked in your eyes
I smile oh I smile living out my dreams
This feeling could not be otherwise
Trips out to the Kai and to the Sand Bar
The sun shone off your skin so bright
Oh I float so easy from the memory
Looking back you knew the future wasn’t right

Where did you go? Why?
Where did you go?
In my mind sometimes, in my mind, in my mind

Oh I hope you hear this song and listen
And all of your world can know
I watched I thought your plane had gone forever
I never knew my own love the way to show
A lesson learnt and one that’s not forgotten
You saw the frightened boy deep inside of me
If one thing I want you to remember
In my heart you’ll for always be

There now you know
There now you know
There now you know
My confession.

[dmbfan012]

As i expand in the wind
my senses grasp the whispyness of my soul
pouring into a bowl of dreams
as they wash away my imagination deep within

and its rising u dumbass!

[mmonier123]

yeh they do have some assholes here at ants

[Eric(h)]

let's hope you never play wheel of fortune

Sh-t th- f-ck -p

Buy a vowel.

[dobyblue]

This one's called Pouring Rain
A year ago in a café in the fall’s cool breeze I was
Reliving days that you gave with me
How could I not have let myself let you get me down?
So hard for so long my sanity has drowned because

I was so in love with the way you danced to me
You smile in front up for show I was blinded
I was so in love with the way you came to bed
You always slept so well with my lips beside your head

In lots of different ways there were things I may have changed
I never want to feel heartbreak so strong again
How could I have foreseen the rotten end to what had seemed
So beautiful, so beautiful; but

I was so in love with the way you said my name
Your voice so wondrous through the sounds of the everyday
I was so in love with the laughter in the air
How could I ever stop to think or even care? Now I’m

Lying here in the pouring rain
Are these drops mine only solace and mine enemy
Summer comes and it’s all the same
Will I go dancing this year this time with some new tragedy?

I’m so tired of playing this lonely, lonely game
So tired of wanting to escape the pain
So tired of wishing you could live another day
So tired of praying, of praying I could see you again

It appears to me that my time too is near
Will I come to fear the fear, as it grows dearer?
I feel so strong that I need to belong to the place that you’ve gone
I wonder; where is this taking me

I was so in love with the way you said goodbye
Never leaving your eyes, I’d watch feeling so high
I was so in love when we first crashed you and me
We always listened as our hearts and souls took flight
Yes I was so in love with the way after we fought
Embraced right through the night could it have felt more right?
I was so in love with the foolish look you made
When I said I Love You on the day that we first met yet now I’m

Lying here in the pouring rain
Are these drops my only comfort and my friend to be?
Summer comes and will it be the same
Am I coming home to where you are now; wait for me

I’m so tired of singing to oceans in the wind
So tired of waking from dreams that might have been
So tired of walking these streets so all alone
So tired of praying; of praying I could see you again

[Scotty_L]

You can't really argue about whose lyrics are better...after a certain point it's all opinion

[bartender1162]

i would post a comment here, but i'm laughing too hard from eric's verbal lashing

[justinandimcool]

Dude don't listen to them they're okayyyy.
Dobyblue's is better.


So uh....what the fuck is a pourind?

[SevenMinarets]

As i expand in the wind
my senses grasp the whispyness of my soul
pouring into a bowl of dreams
as they wash away my imagination deep within

and its rising u dumbass!
yea I'd have to agree with Erich on this one...even with the editing of the typos it still doesn't make sense...perhaps you can explain????

[justinandimcool]

yea I'd have to agree with Erich on this one...even with the editing of the typos it still doesn't make sense...perhaps you can explain????

He becomes obese as the wind blows.
He senses become whispy.
He eats his dreams from a bowl.
His imagination is in the laundry, being washed.

[tyler1389]

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen on these boards.

The guy has 7 posts, he doesn't know where to place his thread, so what? Instead of telling him the rules, or even better letting a mod tell him the rules, you (eric) jumped all over him like the asshole you are.

Then, instead of giving him something constructive or something posititive to work off of, you gave a completely arrogant and asshole response. At least he had the guts to post some lyrics.

[justinandimcool]

Alright fine. The lyrics are ok and we can see you're trying to be mysterious and has a hidden message, like Dave. But you're trying too hard to the point when we don't understand a word.

[SevenMinarets]

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen on these boards.

The guy has 7 posts, he doesn't know where to place his thread, so what? Instead of telling him the rules or even better letting a mod tell him the rules, you guy (eric) jumped all over him like the asshole you are.

Then, instead of giving him something constructive or something posititive to work off of, you gave a completely arrogant and asshole response. At least he had the guts to post some lyrics.
Yea well he had some clue as to where to post this since he posted it in the musician's forum first...

[SevenMinarets]

He becomes obese as the wind blows.
He senses become whispy.
He eats his dreams from a bowl.
His imagination is the laundry, being washed.
hahahaha
Now I'm craving some Fruity Pebbles.

[justinandimcool]

hahahaha
Now I'm craving some Fruity Pebbles.

mmm whispy Fruity Pebbles

[Scotty_L]

dmbfan....just don't read the thread anymore (it's not worth your time and the feedback isn't serious)...they can amuse themselves from here. I'd like t give you some feedback but I don't really know shit about songwriting, I'll admit it.

[justinandimcool]

Hey I gave my critique. Post #25 bitches.

[SevenMinarets]

mmm whispy Fruity Pebbles
Damn...to late to eat.

[SevenMinarets]

Hey I gave my critique. Post #25 bitches.
Yea and I never made fun of him. I only stated that it didn't make sense. Is that constructive enough?

[justinandimcool]

cha! And hey, Wrong forum. We don't take wrong forum posts seriously (though we sorta did, we gave criticism right?). Hey we don't mean to break the writer's spirit, he should keep writing cuz he will get good at it. The verses he's showing just don't appeal to us.




PS
Dobyblue's lyrics rock

[Reekymerle]

gotta love misdirected pricks on messageboards!

[SevenMinarets]

cha! And hey, Wrong forum. We don't take wrong forum posts seriously (though we sorta did, we gave criticism right?). Hey we don't mean to break the writer's spirit, he should keep writing cuz he will get good at it. The verses he's showing just don't appeal to us.




PS
Dobyblue's lyrics rock
Yea, writing like anything other skill does not come over night...well I mean you can be pretty good naturally but I would say most have to work at it...ah hell I don't know.

[justinandimcool]

Yea, writing like anything other skill does not come over night...well I mean you can be pretty good naturally but I would say most have to work at it...ah hell I don't know.

Yup

With that said, let's dance like Mark Madsen ;)

[justinandimcool]

Hey I think this is my first time being a prick. So awesome!

[justinandimcool]

Gah someone close this thread before I get banned

[Reekymerle]

sorry kobe i was talking about ericH

[SevenMinarets]

Yup

With that said, let's dance like Mark Madsen ;)
Wait a second...you're not making fun of me cause...I could have swarn you just...damn you! ;)

P.S. Do you even know what I'm talking about?

[justinandimcool]

Whew

[justinandimcool]

Wait a second...you're not making fun of me cause...I could have swarn you just...damn you! ;)

P.S. Do you even know what I'm talking about?

The Deed Is Done thread?

[SevenMinarets]

The Deed Is Done thread?
:lol Yea

I just didn't know if you regularly refer to Mark's horrible dancing, you know with you being a Lakers fan and everything...

[justinandimcool]

:lol Yea

I just didn't know if you regularly refer to Mark's horrible dancing, you know with you being a Lakers fan and everything...

haha I forgot Mark Madsen existed until I read that other thread. He's dead to me now. But I nearly fell laughing when it said Mark Madsen's "trailer". Makes you think about how poorly the NBA players are paid today :rolleyes

[justinandimcool]

Going now. Good night Anthony Seven Minarets.

[SevenMinarets]

haha I forgot Mark Madsen existed until I read that other thread. He's dead to me now. But I nearly fell laughing when it said Mark Madsen's "trailer". Makes you think about how poorly the NBA players are paid today :rolleyes
Ha, so true...

[Yesac820]

Erich's the f***ing man, lay off him.




So is Justin and some other people in here.

[TurboPGT]

I love seeing the newbies stickin up for the newbie who created this thread...

..I think its funny because they haven't caught on yet...

Nobody gives a shit about your dumb ass lyrics, especially since they are in the wrong forum. If you had maybe posted them in the musicians forum, then you wouldn't have been ripped apart as much. Instead they would have criticized the lack of any substance in them, and the utter disregard for anything that might have been considered poetic. I mean, Erich hit is just right...wtf are you trying to convey? What makes what you wrote "lyrics" and not mumbling jiberish?

Steve: those lyrics were tight, nice rebuttle to this thread





and i have mentioned lately that the warehouse fucked me?

[davephan420]

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen on these boards.

The guy has 7 posts, he doesn't know where to place his thread, so what? Instead of telling him the rules, or even better letting a mod tell him the rules, you (eric) jumped all over him like the asshole you are.

Then, instead of giving him something constructive or something posititive to work off of, you gave a completely arrogant and asshole response. At least he had the guts to post some lyrics.

doesnt really matter, this guy had it coming, those lyrics (if this were possible) suck and blow.

[TurboPGT]

doesnt really matter, this guy had it coming, those lyrics (if this were possible) suck and blow.

"It's Mega Maid...she's gone from suck to blow."

[TurboPGT]

At least he had the guts to post some lyrics.

It takes guts to anonymously post lyrics on an internet message board?


:lol

[paulsimon36]

i'm not saying those lyrics didn't suck, but holy hell...shiza..and it is kinda funny with the 'newbies' sticking together, like the only way to gain a shred of credibility is to add a few zero's to your post total...

the lyrics were terrible but writing a song isn't easy...thats why it should be left to professionals...it takes a bit of arrogance to write a song

but being an asshole isn't necessary....i would tell eric(h) to 'go f-ck himself' but he prolly wouldn't be able to piece it together if pourind gave him troubles

[dobyblue]

Dobyblue's lyrics rock
Steve: those lyrics were tight, nice rebuttal to this thread?
Thanks very much guys. I appreciate it.

[illgo]

I think DMB should cover Hey Girl by OAR becuz both bands have a sax player

[fujihanashi]

Just some add libbed lyrics I was just inspired to put out

Out of emma, a pedophile
Eric likes it wizard style
He scoffs at words and others' work
Wishing he could somehow jerk
Off some lyrics from his skull
Let's see how you do it, fool

These lyrics aren't accredited
Only in mind creatated.
So back off of others' words
Expression can't be dirty terds
Leave alone a man who writes,
For writing is what gives us rights.
Lyricists take a lil' while
So lay off you pedophile.

Emma, Emma

[alphatabs]

Here's a song I wrote just now. It's called, "Fuck Me Up The Fucking Ass"


Oh here am I.
Waking up in the immortal tapping of a something or other.
I printed out this topic.
And I sat it down on the counter.


And I fapped, fapped, fapped.
Oh I fapped, fapped, fapped.
Yes I fapped, fapped, fapped.
Til My own personal White Out devoured it.

And the wind poured from the eastern moon.
And Erich pulled the breathing tube from her asshole.
He gave it to me and I made a hoola hoop out of it.
And we both sat on top of her bed.

And we fapped, fapped, fapped.
Oh we fapped, fapped, fapped.
Yes we fapped, fapped, fapped.
Til the bed was shiney with bukkake.

Pretty deep huh? :goat

[tripinbartender]

meh, they don't really do anything for me. no structure really. i don't see the relevance

[Alabama755]

they suck. But im sure theyd suck less if they were in nDMBc.


hahaahahahhah check out the rulebook before u post. 1/7 posts are thread starters.....

[Alabama755]

so make some posts before you start threads

[ryguy178]

Sh-t th- f-ck -p

Buy a vowel.

erich what the fuck happened to your rep points? you were going so well there for a while...

[lilc]

I think DMB should cover Hey Girl by OAR becuz both bands have a sax player

that was just weak

[Sniper15]

Those lyrics blow dick! "Growing as a mammal"-what the fuck?

[marlin1805]

Posted twice ... http://www.antsmarching.org/forum/showthread.php?t=127815

Yeah the lyrics throw me off at whispyness.

[klobb]

Ya this song does really suck