Lyrics I wrote

[TwoStep000452]

Dno if this could be a song or not but tell me what yall think:

My door was once locked
No girl could enter
But you came along
A fair lady and rule bender

The door began to open
She had the key!
So began the journey of good
You and me a certain it will be

Beauty in, evil thrown out
It takes a rest from this one
Good overcomes, never skips a beat
A good life seems to come about

Things now are simple, problems solved
Eventful struggles are not involved
With this one things flow
A simple life I begin to show

Now the door is shut
With her with me now
The door cannot be opened
For she has lost the key

The gold piece is lost
Within the depths of our love
No need, this piece of sadness
Past problems I begin to shove

What once was normal and fair
Now is grand
Love was found
A seed within the ground

Chorus:
Past soorows bring great pain
Open heart, do it once again
Let one soul in, give one out
One more to see what love's all about

[dreamstree41]

hey i like the chorus a lot and the love to door metaphor is pretty cool but i think your trying to force a rhyme too much, which kind of adds some awkward words/phrases into the song...although i havent heard the melody to the song so it may work well...coming from a poets perspective, the rhyming sounds a little forced, but remember poetry doesnt have to rhyme, and usually the best lyrics come out of songs that dont rhyme...otherwise youve got a pretty good basis

[nonewdirections]

You might find you have problems with partially rhyming verses. For example sometimes you have ABAB, and sometimes you have AABB rhyming patterns, and sometimes you have none at all, or CDAA patterns. It might be a bit disconcerting to hear some things ryhme and not others.

[KitKatJam729]

those lyrics suck

[TwoStep000452]

those lyrics suck
thanks i hope yours are better

[MacGuyver]

those lyrics suck

haaha that made me laugh.


generally i'm not a fan of rhyming lyrics just for that reason.... it forces words.

[doreatha]

Come on, I'm sure you can do better than that.

[1suitewhirled]

I'm not one to criticize, i mean it takes balls to post your lyrics up here, but i agree with MacGuyver and dreamstree41, you are relying too much on rhyme. If you focus more on the structure of lyrics, i.e. the rhyme sceme, you end up losing track of what the song is about and getting held back by awkward and unnatural phrases, i.e
"My door was once locked
No girl could enter
But you came along
A fair lady and rule bender"
Also, thats a little cliche, don't you think?

[ILikeJane'sSong]

People are pretentious, there's a point between constructive criticism and blatant denigration, if the lyrics mean something to you, really mean something, then they're good. It's really, really shallow to outright say "they suck," personally I thought they were good, if you enjoy writing them keep doing it.

[genesissccr22]

it is kinda long to be a song....

and i agree that rhyming forces words...unless your an unbelevable peot...but i think its a good start...