New Song! Need some help...

[jdbartender]

http://www.myspace.com/jaredwhite8


So the song is called "Settle Down"... I really kind of picture it for a full band, but I recorded an acoustic demo to jot the idea down...

Any comments you may have are more then welcome!

Please take a listen.. Try not to mind the vocals too much, they still need some work..

Lyrics are below..

SETTLE DOWN

Verse 1

Standing outside, a sign in my hand,
And rocks beneath my feet,
By the courthouse, Toe to the line,
At the corner of the street.

Craze is a mist, clenching my fist,
As I’m shoved back into the fray,
All it will take is a lonely old shot,
For my blood to show and spray.

My care is low, as everybody knows,
One way this all could end.
We toss and we tug, when nobody’s right,
But nobody’s willing to bend.

The door flys wide, the crowd runs out,
Everybody’s inching to see,
The verdict is in, a lose and a win,
Another man broken at his knees.

____________________________

Chorus,

Settle on down baby,
I am alright,

Settle on down with me.

Settle on down,
And there’s no need to fight,
Settle on down with me.


Verse 2

The roar of the crowd growing oh so loud,
And all it took was just a few.
To spit, kick, fed up with all this shit,
For the riot to ensue.

I turn and run trying to flee the scene,
But I am blocked by a looming fate.
A smack to the head, and the way that I bled,
Said I ran just a little to late.

Eye’s of pride turn eyes of tears,
As the gas knocks some to the ground,
The cops fly in wearing riot gear,
Beating order into our town.

I watch as a man curls up in a womb,
By the rocks beneath my feat.
I try to help, but let out a yelp.
As I fall hard into the street.



Thanks!

[Voittaa]

Not on there anymore...

I listened to ur watchtower though. You were about a rest late on every line you started. Work on that and you have a pretty good cover.

[jdbartender]

It should be on there now...

http://www.myspace.com/jaredwhite8


It is the very first song titled "settle down"... I would love any advice you guys might have.... Mind you I recorded this while playing, and used an IPOD to lay the track down, so there is def room for improvement...

Your thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated!

[bennettr]

It sounds really good. I like it. The chromatic jam part is really cool. I think the guitar would be a little better if you had more defined rhythm as opposed to hitting the down beat and little strums like you do in the verse, and most of the chorus. (except for the ending part where you have a little variation which is cool. At first listen I thought you should do something different for the falsetto part after the jam, but I like it better second time around. If anything change the quick ew-e-ew-e-ew part. But falsetto definitely works well there. But considering you are planning on having it for a full band, you should definitely try working on alternating rhythms or something, so that you create some pockets for the rest of the band to be able to fill or get creative with. Good song though

[jdbartender]

Thanks a lot for the feedback... I have been having trouble with the strum pattern for the verse... I can't seem to quite nail it down...

Also with the falesto, I did that in one recording and posted it... I actually didn't have a part there, so I just inproved it... I will re-record and see what I can do to make it better.

Thanks for insight! I am doing my best to get better!

[lestat1600]

sounds good, im digging it, and agree with bennettr. i may mess around with a bass line for it. it started comming to me while i listened, provided i can find the time

[jdbartender]

sounds good, im digging it, and agree with bennettr. i may mess around with a bass line for it. it started comming to me while i listened, provided i can find the time


Thanks for the response... Yeah... If you find the time, any insight is more than appreciated!

Thanks again!