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View Full Version : i just wrote this, let me know what you think


#40BigEyedFish
09-06-2002, 02:16 PM
i just wrote this the other night, let me know what you think

A Passing:



Circle back
Around I go
Darkness, gray in the atmosphere
But still has illumination from afar
Crimson silk drapes from the sky
I’m engulfed from in front and above

Heavy,
It brings me down
The weight of things I've kept to take along
No use for them now
But without thinking
I’ve decided them to stay

Inside pumps my heart
Raged repetition in trying to
Cut myself from the past
And release my animosity
To fear
Dripped and lost in the movement through this path

These simple pleasures relinquish my head from tired
“Simple” as to say,
“Illusive, trite and liquid”
They appear without my knowing
Only to be forgotten in the transparency of thought

Tied down
I’m pushing far to break the bond I have tied
A loose union at the beginning
But closer now - almost to choking - at the quarter

The sky above seems to bleed
As the low pressure system moves in
The silk unwraps a love that came before the ensuing rain
Running as if to chase away
The memories of past weights
Running
Running through as if
To dress and wear as reminders
But nothing more

Tired body drops
To my knees
Head down with drips of passion
Passing to the earth
Red dissolving into gray
And the wind picking up its speed
A passing
And only that
Of the red bleeding long in a period
It needed to speak
Of a love in there to carry through

Firedncin8nancy
09-06-2002, 02:33 PM
i like it a lot, and would give further feedback if i didnt have a class in a few minutes, but if you can't find this thread later on it's because it will probobly be moved to the musicians forum