lyric advice

[musicmad]

would anyone be interested in reading some of my original lyrics?

i've posted here before about my passion to be a songwriter etc etc....but i just need a little direction and honesty about my stuff.
i feel very paranoid about my lyrics as they are personal...but i wanna know once and for all if i have what it takes to do what i wanna do.

thanks.
olivia.

[DMBSignGuy]

Hey post away. I know everyone here would love to hear what you have to say and give you honest feedback. Thats just how cool this place is :D

[musicmad]

oh i know how awesome this place is...okay here goes nothing!...this ones called "my coccaine"...and it has a live acoustic type feel to it.Its about a guy i've loved,like forever.

My eyes roll back inside my head/Need you more than you know/Want you more than life itself/Can never let you go....
Sign me up for rehab/I'm getting higher and losing control/Beginning to rely on/The way you make me feel...

(chorus)...If love is a drug -then i was addicted/I'm tripping far worse than i had predicted/Oh - I can't deny I'm using../The more and more I'm losing../Over and over again../My Coccaine../My Coccaine../My Coccaine..

I cry about missed opportunities/Unnecessary apologies/Falling prey to this disease/I know theres no way out..
No use thinking bout' what coulda been/Woulda been/or shoulda been.../Crying out -Why!/Crying out - why!
(Chorus x2 to fade out)

So thats one...let me know what y'all think and i may post a couple more.
I really appreciate you help guys.

[PilotC150]

That's really good. The only thing that comes to mind is that you might want another verse. Two verses is kinda short. I really like it though.

[letsburnoneb]

Originally posted by musicmad
oh i know how awesome this place is...okay here goes nothing!...this ones called "my coccaine"...and it has a live acoustic type feel to it.Its about a guy i've loved,like forever.

My eyes roll back inside my head/Need you more than you know/Want you more than life itself/Can never let you go....
Sign me up for rehab/I'm getting higher and losing control/Beginning to rely on/The way you make me feel...

(chorus)...If love is a drug -then i was addicted/I'm tripping far worse than i had predicted/Oh - I can't deny I'm using../The more and more I'm losing../Over and over again../My Coccaine../My Coccaine../My Coccaine..

I cry about missed opportunities/Unnecessary apologies/Falling prey to this disease/I know theres no way out..
No use thinking bout' what coulda been/Woulda been/or shoulda been.../Crying out -Why!/Crying out - why!
(Chorus x2 to fade out)

So thats one...let me know what y'all think and i may post a couple more.
I really appreciate you help guys. ill give ya my 2-cents. good lyrics... you compare love to drug addiction, which is quite creative in my opinion. it shows that your lyrics have more depth, which is something that great singer/songwriters usually have. "sign me up for rehab" is an awesome line. good job

[musicmad]

Thanks guys for your advice so far...i've taken the points into consideration and totally agree with them.See this is just what i needed...fair,wise critisism.Okay heres one called "Desperate Compromise"...which i'd imagine some people could relate to....those of you who have loved and lost and knowing that you should let go and move on but its easier said than done.

Verse 1:
I allowed myself to be -/Everything you wanted/I allowed myself to see - /Things that weren't even there/And as I taste this bitter pain/I know I never / Want to feel it again/I think I'm ready to let go/ And I -

Chorus:
Been looking for a desperate compromise/Need to see with both my eyes/Been looking for a desperate compromise.../And Do-do-do-do-dah...I need a desperate compromise/Oh baby I feel it's time/To make a desperate compromise.../So I can get over you..

Verse 2:
I aways think about you/And it takes me back sometimes/But how can I fall in love again/When I see you in a strangers eyes?/I can't begin to think of my life without you/I don't even know where I'd start...

Bridge:
Oh but I've got to move on/And if I'm gonna be strong/I gotta leave you in the past/ Cause this love will never last/ No - No!

I need a desperate compromise/Need to see with both my eyes/Been looking for a deesperate compromise/Nows the time/To make a desperate compromise/Try to see with both my eyes/For this desperate compromise.../So I can get over you....so I can get over you..oh yeah..

(Acoustic guitar solo with ad-libs leading into chorus to fade.)

Okay...post away!:rolleyes: :confused:

[nutter58]

Originally posted by musicmad
Okay heres one called "Desperate Compromise"... olivia - in terms of your lyrics, i can definately relate. it's pretty much exactly how i was feeling last year towards my then bf. needed to find the strength to end it, but i didn't want to leave behind what we had...but i knew i couldn't go on.

great work :)

[musicmad]

thanks sue....:D
its great when people can relate...(oooh that rhymes...hehe..new song..):)

[nutter58]

Originally posted by musicmad
its great when people can relate...(oooh that rhymes...hehe..new song..):) haha. thats great olivia!! :)