help me with these lyrics, anyone

[Dothedew9]

And I took a walk down Seventh Avenue, she said
Periodicals of people, temples and teases somehow got in the way
Misunderstood, I thought that I could feel my own eyes shake
But rather I’m humble, and sick of the trouble that each episode brings

Would you leave me alone?

Devil cries Mary
“I can’t let this one go”
“I can’t let this one go”
And Jesus cries Mary
He says “Let this one go”
He says “Let this one go”
Oh please

And I took a stop, down by the ocean
Where I want to feel the breeze
I’m looking for something, anything, one thing
But I think it's all in my mind
And muscles and laughter, feeling and loving
A mothers waiting for her child
While a flower is dieing, a father is trying to build his son with pride

Would you leave me alone?

Devil cries Mary
“I can’t let this one go”
“I can’t let this one go”
Then Jesus cries Mary
He said “Let this one go”
He said “Let this one go”
Oh please, wait and see

I’m grasping for air, I cannot breathe
Eyes wide staring, sick of the dream
Three people, one I do not believe
And I do try to realize it oh
But the story sits and mothers told
Of a child that she’ll never be able to see
Just imagine if it was you or me

Devil cries Mary
"Come save yourself"
And Jesus says, I think I've been there before

[cj4258]

What sort of help are you looking for?

[Haiku Jimi]

I guess he wants to know the name of the band/song

[Dothedew9]

no, i wrote them, i was just wondering if they are pretty solid or should be changed some what...sorry

[Dothedew9]

heres another thing I wrote, any help would be appriciated, i just write have no clue...thanks


Skipped a stone in the blue rushing waters
Saw her face inside the tide
Her reflection was so beautiful
And then there’s me
Sick and fumbled on all sides
A chip away from the story
My reflection, pale and innocent
Doesn’t mingle with hers

Who can she be?
Take me away
I want you to be all you can
With me or him
Me or him

Walked around, juggling thoughts of rejection
Take you time, no need to hurry
You can have anything you want
If you work for it
Morn away in silence, who says
There she goes arm in arm with him
I hope he treats her better
I hope he takes good care

Who can she be?
Take me away
I want you to be all you can
With me or him
Me or him

And I feel lost
Voices start to disappear
No sense or direction, I need somebody to take my hand
Help me get back
Help me be all I can
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Oh yeah, you were gone with him

Who can she be?
Take me away
I want you to be all you can
With me or him
Me or him

Be all you can
I want you to see
What its like to be
Somebody

[cj4258]

They look pretty good to me.

Did you write them with a melody or idea of a song in mind or were they just written as lyrical poetry?

[halloween21]

put them with music i like the first one a lot and the second one

[Dothedew9]

i used to play with my roomate, i would sing he would play, and we wrote some decent stuff, but the problem was he is a metal head and i was writing about how i lost my girl friend and how beautiful she is...hahah so that just faded out and now i write alot cause it a way to express but i usually find myself writing with a melody in mind, and then just putting it down...who knows:rolleyes:

[halloween21]

im going to albany tm i would meet up with you and play around with the lyrics and some music but im at a grad party.

[Dothedew9]

damn that sucks, do you sing at all or just play?

[halloween21]

Originally posted by Dothedew9
damn that sucks, do you sing at all or just play?
Just play and backup sing here and there