Quote:
Originally Posted by cry_minarets458
I'm really struggling today. This week has been tough. But, it's my own fault for putting myself in the situation. I need to do a better job of listening to you people in here.
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Long rant coming...I put myself in this position, though.
The gal I spoke of recently, the one that chose her ex in April, the one that came back to me but still wouldn't commit to a relationship, the one that the ex came and visited again in June and made her walk away from "us," the one that went with this ex to a wedding over the fourth of July, practically led me on all summer. ...maybe even led me on for the past 11 months. Right after the June episode, we ended up talking and having sex...she admitted things she hadn't before and actually started to acknowledge my feelings about how weird her relationship is with her ex. for the next three weeks, she treated me like a boyfriend. I was under the impression it was a lot of fun and becoming better, improving, striding toward something. she told me we were "much more than friends and [I] knew it" but she just didn't know what to call us. I told her it's only complicated because she complicates things and she told me I was absolutely correct.
anyways, a few days later, I met her family while helping her move. I wasn't treated like more than a friend. I was treated like a helping hand. it hurt. I brought it up because practically this whole time since we've been off and on, she's never treated me as important. this was another situation in which she didn't make me feel important. not saying I need to be the center of attention (I don't), but if we've been casually dating for 11 months now and at that time were "more than friends," I feel like it should be pointed out to the family prior to my arrival so I'm not treated as a helping hand. ("So nice to meet you..we've heard a lot about you" compared to the reality I experienced "thank you for coming and saving my husband's knees from lifting" -the mom)
a few days later (which was last week), she told me that we're not a good fit and I need to move on. she said she's trying to do what's best for me....after using me for the past 3 weeks and the past 3-4 months intermittently, at the least. I felt like the carpet was pulled out from under me. it really felt like we were making progress. our connection during sex was great and intimate. we were doing more couple things. but she wouldn't even hold my hand in public.
However, I now know that this whole past year, I was under the impression that I had a chance at some point, but all of my classmates were under the impression that she and I weren't serious and the ex bf was the main focus for her. the ex will be at a school ceremony at the end of the summer before we start clinical year (most of hers are home...near family and ex; mine are all over). it just makes me angry, sad, hurt.
3 nights ago she texted me after midnight about a family member of hers that isn't doing well. I responded because I know her family is so important to her, so I was cordial. I asked her something specific and personal during that text and she answered it when she didn't have to. she ended the convo by saying "this (us not being "together") isn't easy."
I woke up this morning to a text from her saying "good morning
I hope you had a good weekend"
It just pisses me off that since she ripped the bandaid off, she's no longer emotionally attached and can now be instantaneously friends when she couldn't be at any other time in our past 11 months of off-and-on.
why can't my head make sense of this? everyone tells me look at the big picture (she doesn't want me, red flag with the ex, etc), and my response is my picture was her hand forever. I had already discussed moving to Shitsburgh for her after we graduate from our program. the last 3 week stint really made me feel like there was a lot of progress going on. sadness is fleeting, as is anger.
sorry for the rant. just needed to write it somewhere. I flacco'd it; I guess I should have walked away in the fall.