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Originally Posted by SmoothG
Fair play man, been there so if youre determined to give a romantic relationship a shot with her I'll give you some advice. Maybe others will disagree and hope someone else can give better advice. But for what it's worth...here's my .02. Most of this will seem like common sense but harder said than done. And of course I don't know all the details of your friendship and history, so take this for what it is, a strangers opinion.
Lets assume everything falls into place she ends up moving to colorado. Moving to a new city and new job will be a lot of excitement and new people for her. You need to embrace and encourage her to spend time with her new coworkers and friends even if you're not a part of it. I know you said you would take it slowly...sounds simple but this is really important. You need to let her develop her own life and all the stress, fun and excitement of a new city. You need to be genuinely excited and happy for her without getting jealous or insecure or try to compete with her new friends. You have to accept that she will meet lots of new people, most of whom will be trying to hit on her. Thats what happens in new places and especially girls. You need to find a way to let her have fun in a new environment, while not being overbearing, but also not become the fallback guy. Its an intense, emotional, delicate situation. You need to find a way to have real dates because since you know each other so well you will need to show her new sides of you and give her butterflies and have that feeling of learning about someone and the nerves and feelings that make love so much fun. Its easy to fall into a routine of comfortability when you are already so close. Give her a chance to see and learn some new things about you.
Inner, quiet confidence in yourself and do things or go new places together, dont be too serious and don't become too desperate or insecure if shes with new people. If the situation arises where things get weird, you gotta remember that you're playing the long game. Dont overreact orsay angry things. Be someone reliable and trustworthy who is always honest whatever situations you find your selves in.
Seems so simple but I've been in this situation before with 2 different exes and messed it up. Expectations, pressure, excitement, stress, insecurity, miscommunication, timing...in the end, be positive, have fun and good luck.
Sorry to ramble, but when youre so young and you say stuff like no other girls compare and this is the person you want to wake up to when you're old...just saying thats a lot of pressure on both of you. Step back and don't think so much about her, spend more time focused on yourself and doing little things that you enjoy which help you learn and grow. Focusing on one person and some imaginary life only makes you miss out and overlook some amazing people and experiences right now.
Edit...this advice comes courtesy of 2 bottles of wine...
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Thank you, Smooth. Regardless of whether this came from being two bottles deep, I appreciate the perspective and insight. I need to print this off or something because there are honestly a lot of things that translate outside of just this girl to other areas in life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AllifromOhio
I didn't read all of the above post but I think I agree for the most part. Move and look for someone new in CO. Don't let the girl from TX take over. Is she moving because she knows you are? If so, that's weird because you aren't moving in together so I don't really see the need to move right when you do. She's just using you to make herself feel good. She wants to know you are there when SHE wants you and she wants to know that she has a puppy. You are letting this be all about her and not about you.
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It is by far the most complex relationship I have ever maintained. I'm focused 100% on me right now, but I'll be over the moon on the inside if the conference goes well. She wouldn't be making a move until the end of this year or sometime next year. She and I have talked about Colorado many times in the past, well before my buddy and I decided to pull the trigger. It just so happens that it is kinda working out that she has a job conference at the end of May when I will moving in. She has no idea what she wants to do. She hates Houston and she has tried San Diego twice. She would never come back to Cincinnati, and she has an opportunity in Florida at Bush Gardens but that is attached to a guy who has expectations.
She said that she would consider taking a regular job instead of one in her field because the last 3 moves have been job over location based decisions, and none have worked out. I think more than anything she is just wanting to find happiness, and it has eluded her for the better part of 4 years now. Basically ever since she left Cincinnati.