Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Upstate SC
Re: Dating is miserable
For the TL/DR synopsis, read only the bolded.
So, basically this girl I go WAY BACK (as in, childhood, we were in diapers together) with and I have been talking for about a month since we reconnected. Long story short, things were going well, we never had a relationship because we were obviously too young then...our mothers were best friends but went their separate ways. As I understand it, my mother, who is far from perfect, had to cut ties with hers due to her rampant drug addiction (her mother is dead now, basically of complications from a life of drug abuse) when we were about 9 (We're the same age, by a month). Well, my mother is still alive, a raging meth addict, and I've been 100% honest with this girl about my life, the things I've fucked up, my feelings about shit, basically I've told her everything important that happened in the past 21 years.
We talked about getting together and going out one day. We talk two or three times a week via skype/phone and text/email every day or so. She lives a couple of hours away. There are mutual feelings, I'm really not sure where this is going.
Issue: She basically omitted her extensive criminal past. I googled her, wish I hadn't...first thing that comes up is a mugshot on mugshots.com with info. She did two years in Maximum Security prison for possession of a deadly weapon. I'm not sure about the details. So, I delved further, found a forum post on a local forum here linking to a news article where she was arrested for shoplifting and then her and another woman stole a police car. This shit is right out of a movie...she manipulated her cuffs while sitting in the back of a cruiser and the cop was taking a report from the store. She was caught a couple of hours later. But that's just the surface...going back to 2003 basically (year after her mother died) she has the following "rap" sheet according to the local newspaper, and other sources. The local newspaper has a massive police blotter supplement...which I think is kind of fucked up because nobody has been proven guilty yet...anyway...she got shoplifting, grand larceny, felony flight or whatever, from that...and in addition has a string of minor things including driving under suspension (not a big deal), auto theft (separate date), petty larceny (x3, all separate times and dates), failure to appear/bench warrant (x2), habitual offender, and violation of probation...I'm too tired to put this in chronological order but...
She got out of jail in 2011, appears to not have fucked up since then, talks about her little boy all the time, is supposedly a born again Christian...
But she flat out lied to me. She basically said she had a kid when she was younger, raised him and worked, nothing exciting from 2003 to 2011.
Where do I go from here? Do I ask/confront her now and possibly lose a friend that I think I need with the shit I'm going through right now (our mothers similarities/friendship)? Do I wait and see where this is going and give her the chance to come clean if we get closer? Or do I back off totally and just remain friends, distant friends?
I'm really trying to see it from her point of view...she fucked up big time in life after her mother died, (so did I, except my mother's not dead yet, I haven't officially did anything felonious per se, at least not on that level requiring jail time, more vehicular related and one time in college where I got a public intoxication charge which was basically dropped through pre-trial intervention and not on my record...I still told her about it all). She fucked up in life, and maybe she's afraid I'll think differently of her or she'll scare me away. One of the charges is violent...a deadly weapon? Knife/gun/what? I know there are bullshit deadly weapon charges like for people carrying a small pocket knife from my failed stint in law school. I'm thinking it has to be a knife, because otherwise it'd be unlawful possession of a firearm. Maybe she's changed...lived right for the past couple of years, wants to leave the past in the past. Or maybe she's waiting to tell me? Or maybe she doesn't see this going anywhere inside (which is leading me on because she said the opposite)?
We are not in a relationship, but basically, to me, and evidently her, us getting together is a big deal. Days already planned with typical date stuff, nothing flat out romantic though.
I don't know. Advice? I'm thinking...give her time to come clean, sit back, see where this whole thing is going? But in no way, shape, or form will I take it further than friends unless she is 100% honest as far as I can tell...I already have major trust issues due to how hard I've been fucked in life by former close friends, and even my own blood and relations. Yup, told her that too...would have been a good time to come clean...this was BEFORE I found all this out. I didn't see any change in her face but webcams can sometimes not convey things.
Buy the ticket, take the ride, and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.― HST