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Old 02-25-2013, 10:41 PM   #39421
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
You never seem to focus on actually building a relationship with someone. Seems like you're trying to race through each milestone. The goal should be you build the relationship and then all of that other stuff naturally arises out of it. I can't tell if you're doing it because you get emotionally attached too quickly or you're completely detached.

Take Lion King for instance, you pretty much knew from the get-go that he wasn't good for you but yet you still went on more dates with him, had sex, and kept hanging out with him. All in the span of like a week and a half in which you knew he wasn't right for you.

That's the vibe I get and it makes zero sense to me.
The sex thing really isn't a huge issue so me having sex with someone is not as milestoney as it is to you. I continued to hang out with him because I actually enjoyed his presence as a person after we knew it wasn't going to work. I don't get attached too quickly anymore so if it has to be one or the other, I guess I'm detached.
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:49 PM   #39422
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
The sex thing really isn't a huge issue so me having sex with someone is not as milestoney as it is to you. I continued to hang out with him because I actually enjoyed his presence as a person after we knew it wasn't going to work. I don't get attached too quickly anymore so if it has to be one or the other, I guess I'm detached.
I think you can admit you're still attached to your ex though.

I don't know just seems like you're continuously not serious with anyone and then in a week you're actually dating and planning a trip. Maybe we're just missing a few things, but it makes little sense to me.

And yeah, I'm a loser who hasn't had sex in awhile so I probably make a bigger deal of it, but I think when you're in a dating progression with someone it does represent at least some kind of milestone (Why else would people always concern themselves over how soon/which date to have sex at?). When you're just making the rounds, sure it isn't nearly as much.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:10 PM   #39423
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Re: Dating is miserable

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I think you can admit you're still attached to your ex though.

I don't know just seems like you're continuously not serious with anyone and then in a week you're actually dating and planning a trip. Maybe we're just missing a few things, but it makes little sense to me.

And yeah, I'm a loser who hasn't had sex in awhile so I probably make a bigger deal of it, but I think when you're in a dating progression with someone it does represent at least some kind of milestone (Why else would people always concern themselves over how soon/which date to have sex at?). When you're just making the rounds, sure it isn't nearly as much.
I was still attached to my ex. My little whoring around and rapid dating has helped me get over her and I no longer have feelings other than anger towards her. We waited until the 5th or 6th date to sleep together so it wasn't completely rushed.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:13 PM   #39424
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Re: Dating is miserable

Waiting on the physical stuff definitely makes a relationship grow stronger in my opinion. Not it every case though. All depends on the type of person.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:17 PM   #39425
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Waiting on the physical stuff definitely makes a relationship grow stronger in my opinion. Not it every case though. All depends on the type of person.
Completely agreed here. I attribute that to how awesome my current relationship has been.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:21 PM   #39426
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Very little chance of there being an open bar. If you all knew how much my friends and relatives can drink, it would make sense.

As for details, I proposed at an indoor ice skating rink that is attached to a historic hotel in downtown Minneapolis. It is where we went on our first date one year ago yesterday. I managed to get down on one knee on the ice without falling on my ass. The only thing that might have beat 'yes' out of Sam's mouth were tears. I had a co-worker who she had never met there to take some pictures, and they turned out great.
Congratulations Bryan!! Best of luck!
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:27 PM   #39427
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
I was still attached to my ex. My little whoring around and rapid dating has helped me get over her and I no longer have feelings other than anger towards her. We waited until the 5th or 6th date to sleep together so it wasn't completely rushed.
You mention your ex constantly and still keep in some kind of contact with her. You're never going to get over that attachment if you don't break that.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:29 PM   #39428
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Re: Dating is miserable

I agree with everything Tony is saying as well, it's weird from the outside looking in.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:35 PM   #39429
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Re: Dating is miserable

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I agree with everything Tony is saying as well, it's weird from the outside looking in.
That's sooooo.....hot!
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:37 PM   #39430
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Re: Dating is miserable

It might be weird, in the sense that it's not "normal" relationship progression. But really, there's no set rules or path needed to take. My situation is weird, I've traveled 8 times (mostly to across the country) in 6 months to be with someone I'm not even dating. It's working now, and I'm having fun and enjoying it. That's all that it comes down to. So yeah, it weird, as an outsider but there's nothing wrong with it.

So have fun Alli, and enjoy it! But maybe not mention your ex in here anymore.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:41 PM   #39431
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Re: Dating is miserable

It's not just this relationship that he is referring to.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:43 PM   #39432
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by dmbetc View Post
It might be weird, in the sense that it's not "normal" relationship progression. But really, there's no set rules or path needed to take. My situation is weird, I've traveled 8 times (mostly to across the country) in 6 months to be with someone I'm not even dating. It's working now, and I'm having fun and enjoying it. That's all that it comes down to. So yeah, it weird, as an outsider but there's nothing wrong with it.

So have fun Alli, and enjoy it! But maybe not mention your ex in here anymore.
I thought it was pretty clear that you two were exclusive though? Like from early on?
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:43 PM   #39433
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
It's not just this relationship that he is referring to.
And it just not that post I was referring to...
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:44 PM   #39434
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Re: Dating is miserable

When's the last time I mentioned her in here? She owes me mass amounts of money and I refused to see her and I'm making her drop the money off to my mother to avoid seeing her. The only time I respond to texts is to set money exchange times. I really only have anger towards her for wasting a year and a half of my time. I'm happy now and the fact that it's "official" with him makes it more clear and expectations are set and will be followed now. I see that it was soon but calling someone boyfriend or girlfriend after a month is not really life altering. Bryan proposed after a year and he seems very happy. Who is to say there is a set timeline?
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:47 PM   #39435
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
It's not just this relationship that he is referring to.
I know, but she just had gotten out of a relationship, which went back and forth for while and then had some fun fucking around. I'm guilty of doing that in my younger years as well. I just don't believe it warrants being ridiculed as much as it is, is all.
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I thought it was pretty clear that you two were exclusive though? Like from early on?
We are exclusive, I was just making the point of different styles of starting a relationship.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:48 PM   #39436
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Re: Dating is miserable

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When's the last time I mentioned her in here? She owes me mass amounts of money and I refused to see her and I'm making her drop the money off to my mother to avoid seeing her. The only time I respond to texts is to set money exchange times. I really only have anger towards her for wasting a year and a half of my time. I'm happy now and the fact that it's "official" with him makes it more clear and expectations are set and will be followed now. I see that it was soon but calling someone boyfriend or girlfriend after a month is not really life altering. Bryan proposed after a year and he seems very happy. Who is to say there is a set timeline?
Dating is miserable, until you hit a situation like this. Enjoy it!

Edit: Not talking about your ex, but about your new thing!
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:48 PM   #39437
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Re: Dating is miserable

Who's ridiculing...?
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:52 PM   #39438
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Re: Dating is miserable

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who's ridiculing...?
wpb?......
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:53 PM   #39439
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Re: Dating is miserable

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wpb?......
My only travel plans this year is Gorge. Unless something's changes,have always wanted to do wpb though.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:56 PM   #39440
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Originally Posted by dmbetc View Post
It might be weird, in the sense that it's not "normal" relationship progression. But really, there's no set rules or path needed to take. My situation is weird, I've traveled 8 times (mostly to across the country) in 6 months to be with someone I'm not even dating. It's working now, and I'm having fun and enjoying it. That's all that it comes down to. So yeah, it weird, as an outsider but there's nothing wrong with it.

So have fun Alli, and enjoy it! But maybe not mention your ex in here anymore.
To be honest, how do you not consider what you two are doing as "Dating"? I mean I guess you're not going out once a week or anything, but it seems kind of like just making semantics. You're in a relationship either way.

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When's the last time I mentioned her in here? She owes me mass amounts of money and I refused to see her and I'm making her drop the money off to my mother to avoid seeing her. The only time I respond to texts is to set money exchange times. I really only have anger towards her for wasting a year and a half of my time. I'm happy now and the fact that it's "official" with him makes it more clear and expectations are set and will be followed now. I see that it was soon but calling someone boyfriend or girlfriend after a month is not really life altering. Bryan proposed after a year and he seems very happy. Who is to say there is a set timeline?
I don't remember the last time but you honestly probably mentioned her in the last week. Its a surprising amount. Didn't know she owed you nay money (like Angela said it is hard to understand from the outside in), but otherwise it makes no sense why you keep in contact with her. Even if it is all in anger and you hate her, it still isn't healthy and you should end it as quick as possible. Pretty sure I was saying the same thing to Sarah.

As to the timeline, yeah everyone has different timelines I just think I've seen you with a pattern of moving surprisingly fast.

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Who's ridiculing...?
Just about to ask this.
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Old 02-25-2013, 11:58 PM   #39441
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Re: Dating is miserable

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Who's ridiculing...?
Ridicule wasn't the right word. I just don't see how them since planning a trip in the future after just becoming official relates to her past relationship adventures. Seemed like Tony was expressing she's doing it wrong. I could have taken to to extremes, it's not even about me just trying to analyze.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:00 AM   #39442
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Re: Dating is miserable

For the record, I do understand where you're coming from and can be in the same page as moving fast doesn't seem to be working. I dunno, I'm high and just got back from my weekend in Vegas.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:04 AM   #39443
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Re: Dating is miserable

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My only travel plans this year is Gorge. Unless something's changes,have always wanted to do wpb though.
It's pretty moist here...
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:05 AM   #39444
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Re: Dating is miserable

I see that it's a different view from your angle, but really, I feel like I have moved on. It sucks that it took me bouncing around from person to person quickly to get over her but I'm 23 and she was my first serious relationship. Being over her despite bouncing from person to person quickly is still better than being stuck on her. Anyways, I work 6 or 7 days a week and he works 7 days a week and we are just trying to plan a trip to have something to look forward to.
Sarah,
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:20 AM   #39445
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Re: Dating is miserable

Sorry if I've offended I guess. Just was trying to point out something that seemed a bit odd to me, and because I think people can put blinders on in those situations, that it doesn't hurt to point out so maybe they can re-evaluate the trajectory they are no.

I think the difference between others who have moved fast in this thread is that it always made sense to me because they'd post a lot out of excitement about that certain person, where with Alli it just seemed like it went from "I really need to stop sleeping around" to "I'm having a sex date" to "We're official and planning a trip" which seemed to almost all be within the last week and a half with no other details. That's what I guess stood out the most to me, especially when paired with the relationship with Simba.

Sorry I guess.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:25 AM   #39446
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Re: Dating is miserable

I've learned to keep most of my feelings and emotions to myself lately because expressing them before always seemed to be a bad thing with the ex. It's more of a guarding thing but I still have excitement over things. I just try not to always express it.
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:28 AM   #39447
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Re: Dating is miserable

I don't think it was offensive at all, at least that's not how I read it. I read it more as "Uhhh these past couple of months/dating/sexcapades may not be the healthiest route to take. But to each his own.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:07 AM   #39448
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Tony come to the gorge and be my wingman
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:19 AM   #39449
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Re: Dating is miserable

I just had my first date with a girl I met on an online dating site tonight. It seemed to go pretty well although I know nothing about actually going on dates. I've been in a relationship the past 4 years so my senses may not be as attuned as they may have been when I was 19 or 20. I'm hoping there's a second date although I'm not 100% sure. I think I'm just weirded me out a little after being on a date for the first time in a loooong time.
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:18 AM   #39450
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Re: Dating is miserable

For the TL/DR synopsis, read only the bolded.

So, basically this girl I go WAY BACK (as in, childhood, we were in diapers together) with and I have been talking for about a month since we reconnected. Long story short, things were going well, we never had a relationship because we were obviously too young then...our mothers were best friends but went their separate ways. As I understand it, my mother, who is far from perfect, had to cut ties with hers due to her rampant drug addiction (her mother is dead now, basically of complications from a life of drug abuse) when we were about 9 (We're the same age, by a month). Well, my mother is still alive, a raging meth addict, and I've been 100% honest with this girl about my life, the things I've fucked up, my feelings about shit, basically I've told her everything important that happened in the past 21 years.

We talked about getting together and going out one day. We talk two or three times a week via skype/phone and text/email every day or so. She lives a couple of hours away. There are mutual feelings, I'm really not sure where this is going.

Issue: She basically omitted her extensive criminal past. I googled her, wish I hadn't...first thing that comes up is a mugshot on mugshots.com with info. She did two years in Maximum Security prison for possession of a deadly weapon. I'm not sure about the details. So, I delved further, found a forum post on a local forum here linking to a news article where she was arrested for shoplifting and then her and another woman stole a police car. This shit is right out of a movie...she manipulated her cuffs while sitting in the back of a cruiser and the cop was taking a report from the store. She was caught a couple of hours later. But that's just the surface...going back to 2003 basically (year after her mother died) she has the following "rap" sheet according to the local newspaper, and other sources. The local newspaper has a massive police blotter supplement...which I think is kind of fucked up because nobody has been proven guilty yet...anyway...she got shoplifting, grand larceny, felony flight or whatever, from that...and in addition has a string of minor things including driving under suspension (not a big deal), auto theft (separate date), petty larceny (x3, all separate times and dates), failure to appear/bench warrant (x2), habitual offender, and violation of probation...I'm too tired to put this in chronological order but...

She got out of jail in 2011, appears to not have fucked up since then, talks about her little boy all the time, is supposedly a born again Christian...

But she flat out lied to me. She basically said she had a kid when she was younger, raised him and worked, nothing exciting from 2003 to 2011.

Where do I go from here? Do I ask/confront her now and possibly lose a friend that I think I need with the shit I'm going through right now (our mothers similarities/friendship)? Do I wait and see where this is going and give her the chance to come clean if we get closer? Or do I back off totally and just remain friends, distant friends?

I'm really trying to see it from her point of view...she fucked up big time in life after her mother died, (so did I, except my mother's not dead yet, I haven't officially did anything felonious per se, at least not on that level requiring jail time, more vehicular related and one time in college where I got a public intoxication charge which was basically dropped through pre-trial intervention and not on my record...I still told her about it all). She fucked up in life, and maybe she's afraid I'll think differently of her or she'll scare me away. One of the charges is violent...a deadly weapon? Knife/gun/what? I know there are bullshit deadly weapon charges like for people carrying a small pocket knife from my failed stint in law school. I'm thinking it has to be a knife, because otherwise it'd be unlawful possession of a firearm. Maybe she's changed...lived right for the past couple of years, wants to leave the past in the past. Or maybe she's waiting to tell me? Or maybe she doesn't see this going anywhere inside (which is leading me on because she said the opposite)?

We are not in a relationship, but basically, to me, and evidently her, us getting together is a big deal. Days already planned with typical date stuff, nothing flat out romantic though.

I don't know. Advice? I'm thinking...give her time to come clean, sit back, see where this whole thing is going? But in no way, shape, or form will I take it further than friends unless she is 100% honest as far as I can tell...I already have major trust issues due to how hard I've been fucked in life by former close friends, and even my own blood and relations. Yup, told her that too...would have been a good time to come clean...this was BEFORE I found all this out. I didn't see any change in her face but webcams can sometimes not convey things.
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