Dating is miserable

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by bartender_man

Probably going to try and do the ole study partner get together this weekend and then go from there

ask her to coffee sometime. Fuck what am I saying I havent asked the girl I liked to coffee.

[lockman21]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Stop taking girls out for $165 dinners on the first date. I get that you're saying that's not the biggest problem, but at least it won't be a waste of time and your wallet.

That wasn't the intention

But bottles of wine add up...

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by lockman21

27.

Really, 27? I thought you were 33 or so. What's with your show count? Just clicked random shows?

[lockman21]

Totally went to all of those.

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by lockman21

Totally went to all of those.

Okay.

[unccrombie]

Originally Posted by lockman21

That wasn't the intention

But bottles of wine add up...

that they do...a decent red is like 35 minimum.

[Dramageek]

Originally Posted by lockman21

That wasn't the intention

But bottles of wine add up...

Especially at those restaurant mark-ups.

A woman vanishing was my biggest dating pet peeve. Doing the online thing, there would be a build-up to the first date, i.e. exchanging emails and so forth. Then the date would be nice, but all contact would suddenly stop. It definitely made all the build-up feel like a waste of time. Very frustrating.

But keep at it. The right one will stick around (and return your texts/calls/emails.)

[Speilmen230]

Feel like a dick this morning.

Hung out with this girl from school last night that is way into me but I'm not that into. We made out but I know in the back of my mind it isn't going to go anywhere because I won't let it. She is cool but most definitely in a friendship kind of way rather than a I'd like to take you on dates and swoon you kind of way. Dunno how to handle things now because I know she is starting to develop an impression of how things are rather than how they really are.

Damn you alcohol for making me touchy feely when I'm buzzing.

[Rodey]

Is it normal that I sometimes feel spited if I don't hear from my girlfriend on a given day? It doesn't happen a lot, but every once in awhile there'll be a day where she doesn't talk to me.

When we're not together, our typical communication is via text and email and, for example, if she goes a day without texting me, I sometimes get irritated by it. Other times she'll do the same thing and it doesn't bother me. I mean, if I initiate a conversation, she always responds, so I know she's not ignoring me. She's super busy, and I get that people sometime need space, but it doesn't take a lot of effort to shoot me a, "hey, how was your day?" text or a, "hey, really busy/shitty day. we'll talk later" text.

I kind of feel like it's a petty thing for me to get bothered by, but at the same time I feel like after 14 months you should probably communicate with your partner, in some fashion, daily. Just seems like a general courtesy.

[AllifromOhio]

I think it's weird that you have days without talking.

When my bf and I didn't live together and we would go 1-4 days or so without seeing each other, we talked everyday in one form or another. They weren't always lengthy discussions. And he worked 18 hour days some of those days. Not hard to send a text.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I think it's weird that you have days without talking.

When my bf and I didn't live together and we would go 1-4 days or so without seeing each other, we talked everyday in one form or another. They weren't always lengthy discussions. And he worked 18 hour days some of those days. Not hard to send a text.

Agreed as I would be upset if my significant other knew I was trying to reach out to say hey what's up, and that her not responding would irritate me.....and then she does it anyway.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I think it's weird that you have days without talking.

When my bf and I didn't live together and we would go 1-4 days or so without seeing each other, we talked everyday in one form or another. They weren't always lengthy discussions. And he worked 18 hour days some of those days. Not hard to send a text.

Yeah, like I said, it's not often but there will be a day once in awhile where, if I don't send a text, we won't talk.

She always responds, though, so it's kind of weird.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

Agreed as I would be upset if my significant other knew I was trying to reach out to say hey what's up, and that her not responding would irritate me.....and then she does it anyway.

I think you misread. She always responds if I reach out.

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Yeah, like I said, it's not often but there will be a day once in awhile where, if I don't send a text, we won't talk.

She always responds, though, so it's kind of weird.

Doesn't matter if it is often or not, I think at all is weird.
It sounds like it would happen more if you weren't always initiating conversation. Is that the case, if you don't start it, there won't be any conversation more often? Maybe test that theory out and try not starting it as much.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Is it normal that I sometimes feel spited if I don't hear from my girlfriend on a given day? It doesn't happen a lot, but every once in awhile there'll be a day where she doesn't talk to me.

When we're not together, our typical communication is via text and email and, for example, if she goes a day without texting me, I sometimes get irritated by it. Other times she'll do the same thing and it doesn't bother me. I mean, if I initiate a conversation, she always responds, so I know she's not ignoring me. She's super busy, and I get that people sometime need space, but it doesn't take a lot of effort to shoot me a, "hey, how was your day?" text or a, "hey, really busy/shitty day. we'll talk later" text.

I kind of feel like it's a petty thing for me to get bothered by, but at the same time I feel like after 14 months you should probably communicate with your partner, in some fashion, daily. Just seems like a general courtesy.

you sound like a woman. my best friend just recently was saying the exact same thing about her boyfriend.

tell her that you like when she texts first every once in awhile. she probably doesn't think anything of it and doesn't know it bothers you.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

Doesn't matter if it is often or not, I think at all is weird.
It sounds like it would happen more if you weren't always initiating conversation. Is that the case, if you don't start it, there won't be any conversation more often? Maybe test that theory out and try not starting it as much.

I'd say it's normally split. Like she does initiate conversation a lot of the time, there's just weird days sometimes where if I don't, there's nothing.

I know that she's not into small talk. She's said in the past that sometimes when she meets up with her old roommates and they go into detail about their day and she just says, "it was fine" they ask/wonder why she's being so short.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

you sound like a woman. my best friend just recently was saying the exact same thing about her boyfriend.



tell you that you like when she texts first every once in awhile. she probably doesn't think anything of it and doesn't know it bothers you.

I know I do

It bugs me more on days when I'm in a bad mood/having a bad day. Like Thursday I was already having a bad day and then we didn't talk.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Feel like a dick this morning.

Hung out with this girl from school last night that is way into me but I'm not that into. We made out but I know in the back of my mind it isn't going to go anywhere because I won't let it. She is cool but most definitely in a friendship kind of way rather than a I'd like to take you on dates and swoon you kind of way. Dunno how to handle things now because I know she is starting to develop an impression of how things are rather than how they really are.

Damn you alcohol for making me touchy feely when I'm buzzing.

You just got to tell her the truth and just say that you want to be friends. It's better to tell the truth now than let her like you more and more.

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

you sound like a woman. my best friend just recently was saying the exact same thing about her boyfriend.

tell you that you like when she texts first every once in awhile. she probably doesn't think anything of it and doesn't know it bothers you.

It really does sound that way.

His post reminds me a lot of my girlfriend. Sometimes you just got shit to do. I also do not like texting a whole lot so I'm sure that doesn't help.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I'd say it's normally split. Like she does initiate conversation a lot of the time, there's just weird days sometimes where if I don't, there's nothing.

I know that she's not into small talk. She's said in the past that sometimes when she meets up with her old roommates and they go into detail about their day and she just says, "it was fine" they ask/wonder why she's being so short.

You're not her old roommates though, you're her boyfriend. I know that she has different social standards than you and that she likes to keep to herself at times. The relationship has to be about compromise. You can let her have her space but a simple "hello, how are you doing?" Or "I'm thinking of you" text is all she has to send.

Just bring it up. Explain that you know it's you're own insecurities but it is something you need. Make sure she knows she can just keep it simple and that you aren't looking for deep full blown conversations. Checking in daily is important.

[spoot388]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

Is this different than the other work friend girl that you were BFF friend zoned with?

YES

that girl was back home in PA. we haven't really talked much the last few months. shes not the same girl she used to be so even the friendship has taken quite a hit. she's talking about moving away herself in the next few months, so i imagine that things will continue to fizzle until we're just people who used to be friends, sadly.

this new girl is here in CO. met at work when we were in training together.

Originally Posted by redsox14

I can definitely relate to this. I tend to fall for guys that I am friends with first. It's my MO. The problem is once you are good friends you're afraid to do anything about it because if it doesn't work out you don't want to lose the friendship, especially in your case where you are new in town and don't want to lose the one friend you have there. However I've come to realize over the years that it shouldn't stop you. I've "not said anything" a few times and I don't really talk to them anymore anyways so I should have just gone for it at the time.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you think she's worth it, go for it even if you are worried about ruining the friendship. But as the others have mentioned to me, don't settle

normally i'm friends with a girl first before anything happen because i know we work pretty well together before anything starts happening. this girl is really cool and we have a good time just hanging out together, but i just don't really know if theres anything that would develop past that.

we're really different and shes not really the type i would go for. i feel like letting something happen would more be because we're both in vulnerable positions right now rather than it really being a good idea. and if thats the case, its only going to end bad.

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Feel like a dick this morning.

Hung out with this girl from school last night that is way into me but I'm not that into. We made out but I know in the back of my mind it isn't going to go anywhere because I won't let it. She is cool but most definitely in a friendship kind of way rather than a I'd like to take you on dates and swoon you kind of way. Dunno how to handle things now because I know she is starting to develop an impression of how things are rather than how they really are.

Damn you alcohol for making me touchy feely when I'm buzzing.

let me know what you do and how it works out so i know if i should do that or not because we're pretty much in the exact same boat

[Speilmen230]

Eh, sorta went ok, and sorta not.

Was texting her and apologized for taking things further than I wanted to take them. I think she gets it, but is going to continue pursuing me. It will just be my job to keep things at arm's length.

[bartender_man]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Eh, sorta went ok, and sorta not.

Was texting her and apologized for taking things further than I wanted to take them. I think she gets it, but is going to continue pursuing me. It will just be my job to keep things at arm's length.

Been there dude. Not good she is going to continue.

[Speilmen230]

Yeah, we'll see how it goes. Supposed to hang out before my night classes here on campus.

[bartender_man]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Yeah, we'll see how it goes. Supposed to hang out before my night classes here on campus.

Just tell her straight how it is no?

[Jsc6545]

Easier said than done... But I would have to agree

[Speilmen230]

Over text I told her how it was. Not looking to be an item, enjoy hanging but nothing really more than that. She said she understood.

We hung yesterday for a bit and it was cool. Not awkward and she seemed pretty chill about the whole thing.

Seems like it's going ok.

[bartender_man]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Over text I told her how it was. Not looking to be an item, enjoy hanging but nothing really more than that. She said she understood.

We hung yesterday for a bit and it was cool. Not awkward and she seemed pretty chill about the whole thing.

Seems like it's going ok.

Great result!

[spoot388]

i think, maybe, things might be settling out with me and my friend. we've talked here and there about it and she even said that she knows that it won't end well if anything happens between us because we're too different. she's really frustrated about that though. theres still a lot of flirting, but i've declined a few chances to take things further and shes been cool with it and knows its for the best. it kinda sucks though that i finally meet someone who is as into me as she is and we'd be terrible together if we wanted something more than to just mess around.

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Over text I told her how it was. Not looking to be an item, enjoy hanging but nothing really more than that. She said she understood.

We hung yesterday for a bit and it was cool. Not awkward and she seemed pretty chill about the whole thing.

Seems like it's going ok.

Good for you dude.