Dating is miserable

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by Rodey

You do realize people break up amicably sometimes, right?

Not taking the time to go delete every picture of someone does not mean you're holding onto feelings. These are not mutually exclusive things.

I really don't believe that statement holds up very often.

Originally Posted by dmbetc

If you're straight it ends in a pile of molten lava. Modern Family said so.

My comment about Modern Family was about Cam telling his partner that they're gay, so don't get jealous over exes. (Which implied to me that straight people do, or at least more often.) I'm not saying that the potential for all relationships to go down in flames doesn't exist. It absolutely does.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I don't disagree that they come and go, I just don't agree that not deleting all their photos means you're holding onto feelings.

Do you feel the same way about gifts from exes? Certainly those bring up memories when you wear/use them.

Good question.

I think this is a little different but maybe not. Anyway, I'd say that anything that you're holding onto for nostalgic reasons probably should go. I'm looking around my place and I there may be a few DVD's (like The Matrix) but nothing that would make anyone suspect that I'm keeping something from an ex. The only thing I have from an ex is my dog. I could never give him up. I'd never tell a new girl that my old GF gave him to me though.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by rconverse

I really don't believe that statement holds up very often.



My comment about Modern Family was about Cam telling his partner that they're gay, so don't get jealous over exes. (Which implied to me that straight people do, or at least more often.) I'm not saying that the potential for all relationships to go down in flames doesn't exist. It absolutely does.

My point was that you were taking what you heard in a sitcom as fact. And to think that all gay couples don't get jealous is silly. Whether someone gets jealous or not has nothing to do with whether they are gay or straight.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by rconverse

Good question.



I think this is a little different but maybe not. Anyway, I'd say that anything that you're holding onto for nostalgic reasons probably should go. I'm looking around my place and I there may be a few DVD's (like The Matrix) but nothing that would make anyone suspect that I'm keeping something from an ex. The only thing I have from an ex is my dog. I could never give him up. I'd never tell a new girl that my old GF gave him to me though.

Why wouldn't you tell anyone? I don't get it it. Failing to acknowledge previous relationships or being able to admit certain gifts are from them makes you just seem bitter. That, to me, says you can't get over things more than someone who doesn't go back and rage delete a bunch of pictures.

My girlfriend has an iPad from her ex and I find it hilarious that she says, "I wasn't giving this back when we broke up." Not once have I ever thought she's holding onto feelings because she didn't junk an iPad or thought it was weird she told me it was from him.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

My point was that you were taking what you heard in a sitcom as fact. And to think that all gay couples don't get jealous is silly. Whether someone gets jealous or not has nothing to do with whether they are gay or straight.

That's not what I meant at all. Here is what I posted...

It seems non-straight relationships go down differently than straight relationships. (This was also covered on Modern Family, so there may be some truth to it.) From my experience with most of my straight friends, the end of relationships is the titanic hitting a vlocano that's spewing multan lava and setting everything on file.

I should have said non-straight relationshipt may go down differently. And, by go down I meant like the end of the relationship crashing and burning. Maybe gay couples are more mature, less vendictive and bring the plane in for a rough, yet safe landing. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

It was not a statement of fact. I feel like that's reading too much into my post.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Why wouldn't you tell anyone? I don't get it it. Failing to acknowledge previous relationships or being able to admit certain gifts are from them makes you just seem bitter. That, to me, says you can't get over things more than someone who doesn't go back and rage delete a bunch of pictures.

My girlfriend has an iPad from her ex and I find it hilarious that she says, "I wasn't giving this back when we broke up." Not once have I ever thought she's holding onto feelings because she didn't junk an iPad or thought it was weird she told me it was from him.

iPad is not nostalgic, so it's cool. If she's holding onto something he made for her, then yeah a little concerned.

[bamadavefan15]

I'm straight and I've been in relationships that don't crash and burn.

I'm not sure there is much correlation between sexual orientation and how the relationship ends. Idk. It just doesn't seem logical to me.

[socopithy]

Also straight and have never had a relationship end in a blaze of glory. Basically from 13 to 25 I was single for a total of maybe 1.5 years.

Not to say some of them didn't end negatively, but just not Real World MTV bad. It always wound up pretty amicable.

[rconverse]

I'm curious...How long are these relationshps? I'm just asking because I'm talking about relationships of 3, 4, & 5 years, not 6-8 month flings.

I really am just super curious. I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode where he ended his engagement. Don't get me wrong, I 100% realize my arguments are coming directly from sitcoms but come on. Your breakups just ended at the coffee shop with simultaneous "I hate you's?"

[socopithy]

Originally Posted by rconverse

I'm curious...How long are these relationshps? I'm just asking because I'm talking about relationships of 3, 4, & 5 years, not 6-8 month flings.



I really am just super curious. I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode where he ended his engagement. Don't get me wrong, I 100% realize my arguments are coming directly from sitcoms but come on. Your breakups just ended at the coffee shop with simultaneous "I hate you's?"

Me? All 2-3 years. Not the 3, 4, and 5 you're talking about but substantial in their own right.

[AllifromOhio]

I delete pics of all exes, even if it ended decently.
Just me. I'd be pissed if my SO had them on facebook still.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by socopithy

Me? All 2-3 years. Not the 3, 4, and 5 you're talking about but substantial in their own right.

For sure. I think anything over a year "counts" in this discussion. I was just wondering if people were including short term relationships. Again, I was just curious.

[socopithy]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I delete pics of all exes, even if it ended decently.

Just me. I'd be pissed if my SO had them on facebook still.

Completely agree.

Originally Posted by rconverse

For sure. I think anything over a year "counts" in this discussion. I was just wondering if people were including short term relationships. Again, I was just curious.

Word, I hear ya.

[dmbetc]

My two longest relationships both ended in a fiery rage. Woman are nuts. One of them I will never speak to again. The other is my best friend. Have pictures of both of them on FB and computer still.

There's no correlation. Just depends on the human being and the reason for the breakup.

[dmbetc]

Don't understand the being mad at a SO for pictures on FB. They aren't rubbing them in your face. You went out and looked at the pictures. Who gives a shit if there's an ex in a pic from 5 years ago?

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Don't understand the being mad at a SO for pictures on FB. They aren't rubbing them in your face. You went out and looked at the pictures. Who gives a shit if there's an ex in a pic from 5 years ago?

Totally agree.

I find it ridiculous/petty to be pissed at a SO because they haven't gone through FB and deleted a handful or two of pics with their exes.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

My two longest relationships both ended in a fiery rage. Woman are nuts. One of them I will never speak to again. The other is my best friend. Have pictures of both of them on FB and computer still.

There's no correlation. Just depends on the human being and the reason for the breakup.

Totally fair.

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Don't understand the being mad at a SO for pictures on FB. They aren't rubbing them in your face. You went out and looked at the pictures. Who gives a shit if there's an ex in a pic from 5 years ago?

I think that's an assumption that's kind of outside the original question from Scrocks. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't feel like looking back.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Totally agree.

I find it ridiculous/petty to be pissed at a SO because they haven't gone through FB and deleted a handful or two of pics with their exes.

Keep telling yourself you're not trying to hold onto the glory days.

[AllifromOhio]

I don't see how deleteing pictures is getting rid of the memories. I used to take a lot of pictures back when I started college and my relationship like 4 years ago. I lost the college digital card and deleted the pictures from the relationship. I still remember it all and don't feel like I lost any of myself because the pics are gone.

[dmbetc]

Well yeah, obviously deleting pictures isn't going to erase the memory in your mind. I guess for me it just serves as a stronger rememberence. Pictures are to capture a moment. For me the pictures are important and reflect specific times in my life.

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Well yeah, obviously deleting pictures isn't going to erase the memory in your mind. I guess for me it just serves as a stronger rememberence. Pictures are to capture a moment. For me the pictures are important and reflect specific times in my life.

[dmbbearcat]

Girlfriend got home from Denver late last night. Will see her tonight. Pretty much over the whole picture thing, so I probably won't bring it up. What I want to bring up is her reaction to my asking a question. I think that's what I'm more frustrated about now.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by dmbbearcat

My concern here is her inconsistent reasoning for not posting pics with me, and even more is her reaction to my bringing it up last night.

The posting pictures is not about a future employer. Significant other pictures, assuming they are tactfully done and not partying pictures, are not a problem.


The issue is almost certainly because she doesn't feel comfortable enough to announce to the world that she is in a serious relationship with you. Leads to questions from friends and family, and potential judgments or comments. You want to be eventually at a point where a girl WANTS to post pics with you. Brag about you. Instead, for whatever reason she'd rather keep the relationship mostly private. Either she isn't comfortable with posting pics with anyone romantically, or she isn't comfortable posting them with you.

Some questions:

1.) Is she still friends with exes on FB? Especially the prior dude?

2.) Does the picture you tagged look like a "happened to go out on new years together" picture, or an obvious "we're in a relationship together" picture?

3.) Are you noted as "in a relationship" together on FB?

4.) I know you said it's serious, but how long have you actually been dating? A year? Two? Talking about moving in 6 to 8 months from now is a long time to assume those months will go by matter-of-factly.

[dmbbearcat]

1. She is friends with some of her exes, but not the most recent one.

2. It's definitely somewhere in the middle.

3. We are not, but that's both of our doing.

4. Er...not that long. Not a full year yet.

To be fair, she does post pics of me/us on Instagram and Twitter. Not sure what the problem with Facebook is, but I'll give her until the gala next week to see if she takes and posts pics of me. If she doesn't, I'll voice my concerns again. It seems like such a childish thing to be concerned about, when you think about it.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by dmbbearcat

1. She is friends with some of her exes, but not the most recent one.

2. It's definitely somewhere in the middle.

3. We are not, but that's both of our doing.

4. Er...not that long. Not a full year yet.

To be fair, she does post pics of me/us on Instagram and Twitter. Not sure what the problem with Facebook is, but I'll give her until the gala next week to see if she takes and posts pics of me. If she doesn't, I'll voice my concerns again. It seems like such a childish thing to be concerned about, when you think about it.

It is, BUT, when you bring it up and she becomes defensive? That's more concerning.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

My two longest relationships both ended in a fiery rage. Woman are nuts. One of them I will never speak to again. The other is my best friend. Have pictures of both of them on FB and computer still.

There's no correlation. Just depends on the human being and the reason for the breakup.

Have been reading this convo back and forth, and this is pretty much where I stand. All depends.

If I have pictures with exes still on FB...it's because I don't care. There's an unstated assumption that people go through their own pictures. I certainly don't. After breakups, the only pictures I've made a point to go back and delete were kissing pictures. Pics where I'm in Italy, camping, at parties? I don't care or remember enough to actually go through them.

I've had two fiery breakups that were shitty for quite sometime. But eventually we made up and are on amicable terms with both of them. They both have kids now. I'm FB friends with them, but don't think or care about them much at all. "More baby pictures, glad I'm not that guy, heh." is about the only thing that goes through my head. Then I keep scrolling and don't give it another thought.

Have never burned or thrown away keepsakes from exes. Have a closet back at my P's house where I still have stuff from my high school / college gf. Do I think about it? Nope, only reason I even remembered that I have it is because of this conversation. It's just not something I think or care about. Apparently I should race home to my parents house and angrily burn and throw away stuff from years ago...? Waste of time and energy.


There's this huge assumption in here that relationships are required to end horribly, and on top of that, that people are supposed to remain bitter towards their ex.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. I am indifferent to my exes. It's a mature way to grow over time. And it makes having a committed relationship with a new person easier.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. I am indifferent to my exes. It's a mature way to grow over time. And it makes having a committed relationship with a new person easier.

Bingo.

[Speilmen230]

No sum has been had. Don't think it will happen either. Oh well. Vegas was cool and I'm pumped for SD. Unfortunate but it is the way it works most of the time. I hate being so young, but feeling like I belong with older crowds. Girls my age suck.

[aicdmb]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I delete pics of all exes, even if it ended decently.
Just me. I'd be pissed if my SO had them on facebook still.

Don't have FB, but I agree 100%...

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

No sum has been had. Don't think it will happen either. Oh well. Vegas was cool and I'm pumped for SD. Unfortunate but it is the way it works most of the time. I hate being so young, but feeling like I belong with older crowds. Girls my age suck.

Damn Speils, thought it was gonna happen
Did you give her the ol "Want to go back and fool around a bit"?? Works more than you think

[redsox14]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

No sum has been had. Don't think it will happen either. Oh well. Vegas was cool and I'm pumped for SD. Unfortunate but it is the way it works most of the time. I hate being so young, but feeling like I belong with older crowds. Girls my age suck.

Bummer Have fun anyways!