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Old 05-23-2016, 05:40 AM   #781
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Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

Quote:
Originally Posted by So_bareandempty View Post
holy shit.
I just stole your car, set fire to your couch, humped your girlfriend, ate your last piece of pizza, drank your last beer, shit on your coat, called your father a dingle berry, smeared KY jelly all over your toilet seat, called the police and told them you were mean to me, broke your calculator, made a flip book out of your post-it notes, wrote obscene messages on your driveway in sidewalk chalk, mixed up all your dress socks so you have one navy blue and one black one, left your refrigerator door open, left your freezer door open, left your front door open, asked your priest to excommunicate you, rifled through your mail but didn't find anything interesting so I put it back, switched your calender with a 1996 one, changed your screen saver to the windows logo, switched all your clocks back 1 hour, licked all your stamps and put them on the ceiling of your stolen car, made a random post trying to make you cry, invited twelve stray cats into your place and watching the sit on the burning couch, run up your long distance bill asking china if they really loved white rice, played darts with your neighbor, the dart board was the side of your house, I won, vacuumed your carpet then dumped the bag on your bed, set your bed on fire to watch the dust burn, it wasn't that interesting so I took a fire extinguisher and put it out, watched the couch burn some more cats, invited a stray dog over to chase the burning cats, got hungry again after eating your last piece of pizza so I ordered another one, its in your refrigerator but the doors still open, called your work and told them you died in a horrible gay experiment, told the same thing to your dad.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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  • Old 05-31-2016, 12:03 PM   #782
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Beefsteak1138 View Post
    I just stole your car, set fire to your couch, humped your girlfriend, ate your last piece of pizza, drank your last beer, shit on your coat, called your father a dingle berry, smeared KY jelly all over your toilet seat, called the police and told them you were mean to me, broke your calculator, made a flip book out of your post-it notes, wrote obscene messages on your driveway in sidewalk chalk, mixed up all your dress socks so you have one navy blue and one black one, left your refrigerator door open, left your freezer door open, left your front door open, asked your priest to excommunicate you, rifled through your mail but didn't find anything interesting so I put it back, switched your calender with a 1996 one, changed your screen saver to the windows logo, switched all your clocks back 1 hour, licked all your stamps and put them on the ceiling of your stolen car, made a random post trying to make you cry, invited twelve stray cats into your place and watching the sit on the burning couch, run up your long distance bill asking china if they really loved white rice, played darts with your neighbor, the dart board was the side of your house, I won, vacuumed your carpet then dumped the bag on your bed, set your bed on fire to watch the dust burn, it wasn't that interesting so I took a fire extinguisher and put it out, watched the couch burn some more cats, invited a stray dog over to chase the burning cats, got hungry again after eating your last piece of pizza so I ordered another one, its in your refrigerator but the doors still open, called your work and told them you died in a horrible gay experiment, told the same thing to your dad.
    Never gets old.
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    Old 08-13-2016, 11:49 PM   #783
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    I just had way too much fun backreading this thread - and I survived. Thank you ALL!
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    Old 08-16-2016, 07:58 AM   #784
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    best thread
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    Old 08-22-2016, 10:13 PM   #785
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Beefsteak1138 View Post
    Some douchy asshat in my neighborhood is pissing me off and I need suggestions on ways to mess with him/her.

    On trash pickup days, after the garbage men have come, this person always takes my trash can and puts it in front my door. This person does this to "remind" me that we're not allowed to leave our trash cans out on the street overnight.

    How can I mess with this guy? I was thinking something like wiping dog shit on the handles of the trash can or something along those lines. Any suggestions?
    Send him a letter. Like this guy:

    http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/05/23/...er-of-the-day/
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    Old 12-06-2017, 12:06 PM   #786
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tantricle View Post
    this is great. Ended up being a satirical piece, but still a fantastic read.
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    Old 12-06-2017, 03:15 PM   #787
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    I always get excited when I see this thread topped. Then I get disappointed
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    In fairness Brian Wilson's Beard > Amy Winehouse & the grammys & spoot.
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    Old 12-07-2017, 12:39 PM   #788
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Hahahaha, thought of this thread the other day. Best thread.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 12-10-2017, 06:12 PM   #789
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    If only this had lasted long enough for technology to have a real impact. One of those ring doorbell cameras would have surprised the hell out of the trash can mover!
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    Old 12-11-2017, 11:00 AM   #790
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    I love this thread so much.
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    Old 02-01-2018, 10:20 AM   #791
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DIDriveOut2SPAC View Post
    Burn his house down.
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    Old 02-02-2018, 06:50 AM   #792
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Cunt....
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 02-02-2018, 12:30 PM   #793
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    I hope she get's foreclosed on.
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    Old 02-08-2018, 06:48 AM   #794
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Somebody was killed in my old neighborhood last year. It starts off small with trespassing and theft of trash cans and other petty crimes, then quickly escalates to murder.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 04-01-2018, 05:28 PM   #795
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Almost started a trash can war at my new place, which even knowing this thread existed never thought could actually happen. Luckily, I was able to take a breath and go another route before escalating the situation.
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    Old 04-02-2018, 09:22 AM   #796
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    We need some more deets here, Raj.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 04-02-2018, 10:19 AM   #797
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    yes, explain.
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    Old 04-03-2018, 12:51 PM   #798
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    goddamnit i need the story.
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    Old 04-09-2018, 07:54 AM   #799
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Biggest blue balls in Ant's history?
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 04-10-2018, 07:27 AM   #800
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    yeah, seriously.
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    Old 07-25-2018, 11:16 AM   #801
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    read this yesterday. relevant to thread. or not. who cares. fuck you

    https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice...defecating_in/
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    Old 07-26-2018, 09:57 AM   #802
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Update: No news to report, except that I'm on the board of our HOA so it is my job to take reports of trash can violations. So far, there have not been any egregious violations of trash can bylaws.
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    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 05-23-2019, 09:43 AM   #803
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    2019 Update: Still quiet with respect to trash can theft and/or violations in the new neighborhood. There was a recent incident that resulted in HOA intervention, but it was not waste management related.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 05-23-2019, 11:14 AM   #804
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Beefsteak1138 View Post
    Backread, then die.
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    Old 05-23-2019, 12:47 PM   #805
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 41ravens View Post
    pick who you think it is and then kill that person and put them out in your front yard with a sign on them that reads "this mother fucker was messing with my trash cans". if you got the right person, problem solved. if you didn't get the right person, you will be sending a message to the bastard who is doing it.
    Still a good plan.
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    Quote:
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    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 06-13-2019, 06:40 PM   #806
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Any updates? Everyone concerned about walls; I got cans on the mind.
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    Old 07-08-2019, 06:16 AM   #807
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Nothing major to report.

    One of my neighbors who just moved in was unaware of the pickup days for trash and recycling, so I'm informed them that trash pick up is on Mondays and Thursdays, recycling is only on Thursdays.
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    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 07-08-2019, 05:53 PM   #808
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Remember, before you eff with douche-bag neighbors, shit like this could happen: https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/f...roads-11209145
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    Old 07-09-2019, 05:56 AM   #809
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    That's Florida, doesn't really apply to the rest of the U.S.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rebecca De Mornay View Post
    i wish i lived in a time where it was acceptable to have sex with kids.
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    Old 07-09-2019, 06:56 AM   #810
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    Re: Need Ant's help in effing with douchebag neighbor

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Beefsteak1138 View Post
    Nothing major to report.

    One of my neighbors who just moved in was unaware of the pickup days for trash and recycling, so I'm informed them that trash pick up is on Mondays and Thursdays, recycling is only on Thursdays.
    Did you inform him by lighting his trashcans on fire?
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