Dating is miserable

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

Time to cut bait Kendall. Fool me once...

I'm not sure I'd say he was fooled. This girl sounds like she has some pretty major issues going on. It's only natural to want to try to help her through them, but if she really had a mental breakdown and disappeared for eight months, she has to fix herself and there's nothing he's going to be able to do to help.

[Rodey]

I will say that if you care about her and she's always been cordial, offer your support, but do so without any expectations/just as a friend if you're capable of doing so.

[cry_minarets458]

Oh ps. For all Yall in doubt---had a date over the weekend after talking with this gal for a month. I just got the "but you're a really nice guy" TEXT. She's younger than me. Of course she sends it via text.

I am Ted Mosby.

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

Oh ps. For all Yall in doubt---had a date over the weekend after talking with this gal for a month. I just got the "but you're a really nice guy" TEXT. She's younger than me. Of course she sends it via text.

I am Ted Mosby.

That's the worst, especially when she let you put all that work in for a month. Fuck her.

[cry_minarets458]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

That's the worst, especially when she let you put all that work in for a month. Fuck her.

Yeah. It is what it is. Just shared so everyone doesn't think I'm without misery cause im not posting much lately

[dmbmuskie]

I really don't mind the you're a nice guy message. Women know if they want to fuck right away. Much better to get it now instead of a month from now.

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by dmbmuskie

I really don't mind the you're a nice guy message. Women know if they want to fuck right away. Much better to get it now instead of a month from now.

Pretty much this.

[cry_minarets458]

Originally Posted by dmbmuskie

I really don't mind the you're a nice guy message. Women know if they want to fuck right away. Much better to get it now instead of a month from now.

I minded it this time bc for a month she talked about fucking me but as the date approached, she wanted to take things slow bc she said she didn't want sex to complicate things. So I guess I'm just not her type of material, much like everyone else I've gone with dates on in the last two years or so. It is what is it.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

Oh ps. For all Yall in doubt---had a date over the weekend after talking with this gal for a month. I just got the "but you're a really nice guy" TEXT. She's younger than me. Of course she sends it via text.

I am Ted Mosby.

Sorry dude, that sucks. I know that feeling all too well, though. Keep trucking. I guess that's the best advice I can give.

[Rodey]

On my front, I'm feeling pretty good about where things are.

It's only been three weeks since we made it official, but it seems to be going real well. She's been really stressed by school and work, but she knows that I want to see her more than once a week and she's been pretty good about trying to make that happen. We've also sort of transitioned from the whole going out a lot phase to the her coming over, sitting on the couch and doing homework for awhile before watching TV together phase, which I think is always good.

Pretty into her. Don't want to count chickens before the eggs hatch, but it's great to find someone who is so easy to relate to and who seems to be really compatible. Definitely much more of a fit for me than previous girls who I've dated, who were typically flaky and unmotivated.

[jkrue22]

Here's my current miserable situation:

Just got home from 4 months overseas to find out that the girl I love has started dating a friend and coworker of mine. Ouch. To recap, the girl in question is an ex who has somehow become one of my closest friends (mistake #1?). We have a very unique and close relationship that is obviously pretty rare for exes, but that we both really value. Since I've been home she's been almost too nice to me and we've hung out a lot just the two of us. (Which her current bf is somehow cool with? I sure wouldn't be.) I get the sense they're not very serious and I personally don't see it lasting very long, but I also can't really see him screwing it up... He's a nice guy, very similar to me (which of course just makes it sting even more).

So how do I react in this scenario? Obviously I'm feeling pretty hurt, jealous, bitter, etc... But I can't show that. I guess I just have to act cool and confident, pretend it doesn't bother me (it does), and try not to think about it (I can't stop thinking about it). I can't just cut her off... She lives down the street and my roommate is another of her best friends so I'll be seeing her all the time (this whole thing has a very Friends / Ross & Rachel vibe). Plus neither of us want that and it wouldn't do any good. Maybe just hang out with her less? Obviously dating someone else would be the way to go for now - she even wants that for me - but I can't just shake my feelings for her that easily. I feel pretty strongly that we are 'right' for each other in the long run. She's an incredible person, who unfortunately also happens to be a 24-year old girl who doesn't really know what she wants and who loves attention (and gets it).

Any other ideas?

[redsox14]

Don't post in this thread much but I do read it, and I've got a predicament so I figured I'd share

I dated this guy Last Dec- this past March. He broke it off saying he didn't think we were right for eachother but I'm great etc and he still wanted to be friends. We didnt see eachother for a month or two, but grabbed dinner one night and a movie a month or 2 later just to catch up. Things have picked up as of late. He drove me to the airport at 4am on his day off when I left for the Gorge. We did a mud run together a little over a week ago, then he came to dinner with me, my brother and sister in law that night. He was texting me from the Patriots game Thursday night and then Sunday he asked me if i wanted to go over Monday (last night) for dinner...his birthday dinner where his mom was cooking. We also bought season passes to a nearby mountain to go snowboarding together this winter (his idea). I was fine with everything just "being friends" and it seemed that way until the invite to the birthday dinner. You can have anyone over for your birthday and you choose me? It seemed like his mom thought we might be back together or at least wants us to be together, but I can't get a read on him. Very confused here if we really are just friends or if he's regretting the break up. I was upset when he broke up with me, but eventually got over it and was fine being friends but this kinda has me getting my hopes up that he may want to get back together. Ahh well, just venting.

Hope everyone in here isn't too miserable!

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by redsox14

Don't post in this thread much but I do read it, and I've got a predicament so I figured I'd share



I dated this guy Last Dec- this past March. He broke it off saying he didn't think we were right for eachother but I'm great etc and he still wanted to be friends. We didnt see eachother for a month or two, but grabbed dinner one night and a movie a month or 2 later just to catch up. Things have picked up as of late. He drove me to the airport at 4am on his day off when I left for the Gorge. We did a mud run together a little over a week ago, then he came to dinner with me, my brother and sister in law that night. He was texting me from the Patriots game Thursday night and then Sunday he asked me if i wanted to go over Monday (last night) for dinner...his birthday dinner where his mom was cooking. We also bought season passes to a nearby mountain to go snowboarding together this winter (his idea). I was fine with everything just "being friends" and it seemed that way until the invite to the birthday dinner. You can have anyone over for your birthday and you choose me? It seemed like his mom thought we might be back together or at least wants us to be together, but I can't get a read on him. Very confused here if we really are just friends or if he's regretting the break up. I was upset when he broke up with me, but eventually got over it and was fine being friends but this kinda has me getting my hopes up that he may want to get back together. Ahh well, just venting.



Hope everyone in here isn't too miserable!

I would just straight up ask him. I mean, have you guys been getting intimate at all or just doing stuff together?

Just say that you were under the impression that the two of you wanted to be friends (and that you're fine with that, if you are) but that you've been getting a different vibe lately.

[redsox14]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I would just straight up ask him. I mean, have you guys been getting intimate at all or just doing stuff together?

Just say that you were under the impression that the two of you wanted to be friends (and that you're fine with that, if you are) but that you've been getting a different vibe lately.

Nope, no intimacy at all. Maybe just a little flirting, like tickling or whatever but thats it, hugs goodbye.

I hate confrontation but you're right i'm going to have to suck it up and just ask him. Blah! haha Thanks!

[bamadavefan15]

Originally Posted by redsox14

Nope, no intimacy at all. Maybe just a little flirting, like tickling or whatever but thats it, hugs goodbye.

I hate confrontation but you're right i'm going to have to suck it up and just ask him. Blah! haha Thanks!

I'd guess you're still just friends if just hugs goodbye.

Not sure what that guy is doing tho.

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by bamadavefan15

I'd guess you're still just friends if just hugs goodbye.

Not sure what that guy is doing tho.

It sounds like he's not sure either. It's almost like he's testing out the waters again and trying to convince himself that it's okay to be more than friends. I personally would call him out on it and see what happens.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by redsox14

Don't post in this thread much but I do read it, and I've got a predicament so I figured I'd share

I dated this guy Last Dec- this past March. He broke it off saying he didn't think we were right for eachother but I'm great etc and he still wanted to be friends. We didnt see eachother for a month or two, but grabbed dinner one night and a movie a month or 2 later just to catch up. Things have picked up as of late. He drove me to the airport at 4am on his day off when I left for the Gorge. We did a mud run together a little over a week ago, then he came to dinner with me, my brother and sister in law that night. He was texting me from the Patriots game Thursday night and then Sunday he asked me if i wanted to go over Monday (last night) for dinner...his birthday dinner where his mom was cooking. We also bought season passes to a nearby mountain to go snowboarding together this winter (his idea). I was fine with everything just "being friends" and it seemed that way until the invite to the birthday dinner. You can have anyone over for your birthday and you choose me? It seemed like his mom thought we might be back together or at least wants us to be together, but I can't get a read on him. Very confused here if we really are just friends or if he's regretting the break up. I was upset when he broke up with me, but eventually got over it and was fine being friends but this kinda has me getting my hopes up that he may want to get back together. Ahh well, just venting.

Hope everyone in here isn't too miserable!

So he says he wants to be friends, you guys start acting like friends and now you're confused?

It's reasons like this why I've stopped trying to figure out how women think.

[Rodey]

In fairness, his insistence on doing all of this stuff definitely would indicate he wanted to be more than friends, in my opinion.

How many dudes have a girl who's just a friend that they spend that much alone time with?

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by jkrue22

Here's my current miserable situation:

Just got home from 4 months overseas to find out that the girl I love has started dating a friend and coworker of mine. Ouch. To recap, the girl in question is an ex who has somehow become one of my closest friends (mistake #1?). We have a very unique and close relationship that is obviously pretty rare for exes, but that we both really value. Since I've been home she's been almost too nice to me and we've hung out a lot just the two of us. (Which her current bf is somehow cool with? I sure wouldn't be.) I get the sense they're not very serious and I personally don't see it lasting very long, but I also can't really see him screwing it up... He's a nice guy, very similar to me (which of course just makes it sting even more).

So how do I react in this scenario? Obviously I'm feeling pretty hurt, jealous, bitter, etc... But I can't show that. I guess I just have to act cool and confident, pretend it doesn't bother me (it does), and try not to think about it (I can't stop thinking about it). I can't just cut her off... She lives down the street and my roommate is another of her best friends so I'll be seeing her all the time (this whole thing has a very Friends / Ross & Rachel vibe). Plus neither of us want that and it wouldn't do any good. Maybe just hang out with her less? Obviously dating someone else would be the way to go for now - she even wants that for me - but I can't just shake my feelings for her that easily. I feel pretty strongly that we are 'right' for each other in the long run. She's an incredible person, who unfortunately also happens to be a 24-year old girl who doesn't really know what she wants and who loves attention (and gets it).

Any other ideas?

I really think your best bet is to find a girl to date. Even though you might still get jealous of them in person, you will have someone to focus on and speak ABOUT, which can help immensely.

You don't have to just say you're good, you can make it that way with someone new. Not just an easy whim, but it sounds like there are too many entanglements to just ignore right now.

[redsox14]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

It sounds like he's not sure either. It's almost like he's testing out the waters again and trying to convince himself that it's okay to be more than friends. I personally would call him out on it and see what happens.

That's what I was kinda thinking. Definitely going to have to ask what's up if it continues..

Originally Posted by rconverse

So he says he wants to be friends, you guys start acting like friends and now you're confused?

It's reasons like this why I've stopped trying to figure out how women think.

Not at all, at first it was all my friends questioning it and I reassured them all summer saying "no no we're just friends". But it's the sudden influx of talking/hanging out multiple times a week that has me wondering, that's all.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by Rodey

In fairness, his insistence on doing all of this stuff definitely would indicate he wanted to be more than friends, in my opinion.

How many dudes have a girl who's just a friend that they spend that much alone time with?

Yea this. Groups and an occasional hangout is one thing. Exclusive hangouts and borderline dates over and over is another...

Bringing "just a friend" as your +1 to your moms for dinner and hangouts with other family seems like more that.

Concur with the statement "not sure what the guy is doing".

[Roose13]

Originally Posted by Rodey

In fairness, his insistence on doing all of this stuff definitely would indicate he wanted to be more than friends, in my opinion.

How many dudes have a girl who's just a friend that they spend that much alone time with?

Agreed. I have a few female friends I'm close with but we don't hang out and do all this elaborate stuff together that would give off the impression we were more than just friends.

He's leading her on in some way, even if it isn't intentional. You have to at least talk to him about it.

[jkrue22]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

I really think your best bet is to find a girl to date. Even though you might still get jealous of them in person, you will have someone to focus on and speak ABOUT, which can help immensely.

You don't have to just say you're good, you can make it that way with someone new. Not just an easy whim, but it sounds like there are too many entanglements to just ignore right now.

Thanks man, this thread is always full of good advice... now the hard part is finding someone else who I like as much or more than her!

[AllifromOhio]

I'm in a weird period in my life right now. Just a lot of questioning going on, I'm 25 and I still don't know what I want. I am coming up on two years with my boyfriend and I feel like I should feel one way or another about my relationship. I feel like I should know if I want to end it or continue it but I don't. That seems bad to me, not knowing either way. I know I'm not happy with where we live. Our lease is up in Jan. and he wants to sign for another year and I don't. I am okay with 1 more year here though but I need to do a lot of me things this year. I need to travel more and I know he doesn't really want to because he's so fucking fiscally conservative. I work hard and I save a lot of money but I need to reward myself everyonce in a while to continue to work hard or I don't see the point. Apathy.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I'm in a weird period in my life right now. Just a lot of questioning going on, I'm 25 and I still don't know what I want. I am coming up on two years with my boyfriend and I feel like I should feel one way or another about my relationship. I feel like I should know if I want to end it or continue it but I don't. That seems bad to me, not knowing either way. I know I'm not happy with where we live. Our lease is up in Jan. and he wants to sign for another year and I don't. I am okay with 1 more year here though but I need to do a lot of me things this year. I need to travel more and I know he doesn't really want to because he's so fucking fiscally conservative. I work hard and I save a lot of money but I need to reward myself everyonce in a while to continue to work hard or I don't see the point. Apathy.

Hmm, this is interesting.

My longest relationship is around a year, so I don't speak from experience, but I do think you should know, or at least feel close to knowing. I know opinions will vary, but it's my opinion that at two years (and especially since you have lived together) you should know.

As for the travel/financial stuff, I think the only solution is to talk about it. Is that a deal breaker? If he says he has an issue with you going to a bunch of shows or something, is that the end for you? Seeing as you say he's fiscally conservative and you're the opposite, I feel like there will have to at least me some kind of compromise, even if you are still financially independent from him.

[bamadavefan15]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

I'm in a weird period in my life right now. Just a lot of questioning going on, I'm 25 and I still don't know what I want. I am coming up on two years with my boyfriend and I feel like I should feel one way or another about my relationship. I feel like I should know if I want to end it or continue it but I don't. That seems bad to me, not knowing either way. I know I'm not happy with where we live. Our lease is up in Jan. and he wants to sign for another year and I don't. I am okay with 1 more year here though but I need to do a lot of me things this year. I need to travel more and I know he doesn't really want to because he's so fucking fiscally conservative. I work hard and I save a lot of money but I need to reward myself everyonce in a while to continue to work hard or I don't see the point. Apathy.

Good luck Alli

^^ rodey gives relationship advice now?

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Hmm, this is interesting.

My longest relationship is around a year, so I don't speak from experience, but I do think you should know, or at least feel close to knowing. I know opinions will vary, but it's my opinion that at two years (and especially since you have lived together) you should know.

As for the travel/financial stuff, I think the only solution is to talk about it. Is that a deal breaker? If he says he has an issue with you going to a bunch of shows or something, is that the end for you? Seeing as you say he's fiscally conservative and you're the opposite, I feel like there will have to at least me some kind of compromise, even if you are still financially independent from him.

It's hasn't been a deal breaker but I feel like when I bring it up, nothing gets accomplished. To the extent at which he saves money can be nauseating. Prime example, he is working a second job to make more money but it causes him to work 70 hours a week and he's always exhausted. Him being that tired creates other problems. He doesn't need that other job, he already makes good money at his main one. I would not say I am the opposite of him though. If he's a 5, I am a 3 1/2 or a 4 on a scale of being conservative with money. We make our own money and we split everything 50-50, rent, food, etc.

[sbuzzz]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

It's hasn't been a deal breaker but I feel like when I bring it up, nothing gets accomplished. To the extent at which he saves money can be nauseating. Prime example, he is working a second job to make more money but it causes him to work 70 hours a week and he's always exhausted. Him being that tired creates other problems. I would not say I am the opposite of him though. If he's a 5, I am a 3 1/2 or a 4 on a scale of being conservative with money. We make our own money and we split everything 50-50, rent, food, etc.

How's that gonna go when you are married and have a joint account?

What's he working/saving for so furiously?

[AllifromOhio]

Originally Posted by sbuzzz

How's that gonna go when you are married and have a joint account?

What's he working/saving for so furiously?

Not sure how that will work, haven't really thought to ask yet.

Not sure, he wants to buy a house in cash but I don't know how likely that is to happen.

[bamadavefan15]

Originally Posted by AllifromOhio

It's hasn't been a deal breaker but I feel like when I bring it up, nothing gets accomplished. To the extent at which he saves money can be nauseating. Prime example, he is working a second job to make more money but it causes him to work 70 hours a week and he's always exhausted. Him being that tired creates other problems. He doesn't need that other job, he already makes good money at his main one. I would not say I am the opposite of him though. If he's a 5, I am a 3 1/2 or a 4 on a scale of being conservative with money. We make our own money and we split everything 50-50, rent, food, etc.

No wonder this guy turns down blowies.