Dating is miserable

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

Alright, I need your help miserable daters.

Been with the girlfriend for a little over 4 months now, all of it long distance, and she's in the process of transferring to a school in my town. She says that it's mostly for me, because at this point, transferring will set her graduation date back over a year.

I'm feeling the pressure. She keeps reminding me how she's moving her whole life for me, and I don't know how many times I've told her that she needs to do what's best for HER, not us. And I also feel like if I EVER get the idea that we should break up, it will ruin her whole life, because she's now in this new town and it will be my fault that she's here, etc.

What do I do?

This is the part that worries me. It is so hard to get caught up in emotions, especially in the beginning of a relationship. It sounds like your minds are already made, but just be cautious. Are you guys going to be living together? Regardless, you two NEED to establish some individual time from the start.

This is very similar to my last relationship; we started dating long distance (we knew each other prior though) and then she moved a few months later, from FL to NY, to be with me. We moved right in together and proceeded to meld into a single life style. Being able to finally be together all the time after spending the beginning of the relationship apart really hurt us in the long run.

Obviously your relationship won't be a mirror image of mine, but as I said, be cautious. It's really easy to get swept away and not take those crucial steps in the beginning. Her moving FOR YOU could potentially cause resentment down the road for her and pressure for you. It's a conversation that needs to be had, make sure you are both on the same page.

I wish you luck, because it CAN work!

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

yeah...it was an interesting conversation I had with my friend. we both talked about both sides of it and we felt it comes down to a lack of self-confidence if not being or having the best is that big of an issue for a party involved.

and kendall, I guess it just comes down to how good you are together...are you good together because you're not with each other all the time? a girl I was off and on with...I moved in with her and our relationship just plummeted because we needed our time apart while we were still figuring each other out. I mean if 4 months is enough for you to know, then sure, go for it, being able to still graduate on time takes some pressure off, but I feel like 4 months is such a short amount of time.

but I say that because I'm rarely desired by anyone for anything other than a casual lay

That's a good point, and I think we are good together. But you're totally right, 4 months is a young relationship, VERY young, and we both recognize that. But we also don't want to do another year and a half of long distance, because both of our schedules are so crazy that we don't have 4 hours a day to Skype each other, ya know?

Originally Posted by dmbetc

This is the part that worries me. It is so hard to get caught up in emotions, especially in the beginning of a relationship. It sounds like your minds are already made, but just be cautious. Are you guys going to be living together? Regardless, you two NEED to establish some individual time from the start.

This is very similar to my last relationship; we started dating long distance (we knew each other prior though) and then she moved a few months later, from FL to NY, to be with me. We moved right in together and proceeded to meld into a single life style. Being able to finally be together all the time after spending the beginning of the relationship apart really hurt us in the long run.

Obviously your relationship won't be a mirror image of mine, but as I said, be cautious. It's really easy to get swept away and not take those crucial steps in the beginning. Her moving FOR YOU could potentially cause resentment down the road for her and pressure for you. It's a conversation that needs to be had, make sure you are both on the same page.

I wish you luck, because it CAN work!

We are definitely NOT moving in together-we both established that from the beginning. She's getting an apartment and I'm staying in the house I'm at right now. I feel like moving in together right now would not be healthy, since 4 months, again, is such a young relationship.
But thank you, I'm going to have a talk with her today just confirming her reasons for moving here, and making sure there's more of a benefit than just me.

Thank you everyone, you always have the best advice!

[wnderwoman]

I'm late on this discussion, but definitely get that "moving my whole world for for you" stuff off the table asap. It's totally unfair to you.

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by wnderwoman

I'm late on this discussion, but definitely get that "moving my whole world for for you" stuff off the table asap. It's totally unfair to you.

I know Especially when I've said about a thousand times that I'd rather endure long distance than have her move here just for me...but the graduation date officially staying the same REALLY helps. I don't think I would've let her move up here if it was going to push her back 1+ years.

[dmbgodagirl41]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

Alright, I need your help miserable daters.

Been with the girlfriend for a little over 4 months now, all of it long distance, and she's in the process of transferring to a school in my town. She says that it's mostly for me, because at this point, transferring will set her graduation date back over a year.

I'm feeling the pressure. She keeps reminding me how she's moving her whole life for me, and I don't know how many times I've told her that she needs to do what's best for HER, not us. And I also feel like if I EVER get the idea that we should break up, it will ruin her whole life, because she's now in this new town and it will be my fault that she's here, etc.

What do I do?

Sorry I'm late to the convo, but my $0.02...and I didn't really read other responses, so sorry if I repeat what everyone is saying:

If she keeps reminding you about how she's moving her whole life for you, what the fuck? What's the point of that (keeping you reminded)? Is she trying to make you feel bad? Is she trying to say that if you weren't in her life she'd be better off or happier? Annoying.

No one should ever move somewhere FOR someone else unless they are married to that person or the move is ultimately beneficial for both people. She should be approaching it from the "I'm going to school in a new town where there will be new people and new opportunities...and it's great that my boyfriend also happens to live there". It sounds to me like she's going at it from the "I'm moving to school in a new town because my boyfriend lives there...he better live up to my expectations and appreciate the sacrifice I'm making for him". One sounds great, and the other sounds bitchy...especially when it's the exact same action.

I believe this situation will work if you nip in the bud from the beginning. Be honest from the start about how you really want her to get her own identity in the new place and that it's going to be VERY important that you both do your own thing with different groups of people. You need to make it clear that the move has to benefit HER for different reasons, just as much as it benefits you.

[aicdmb]

Katie......you realize Jordanball is a chick, right???

[Stouggies]

^ does that realy matter with Katie's advice, I think she makes a good point.

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by dmbgodagirl41

Sorry I'm late to the convo, but my $0.02...and I didn't really read other responses, so sorry if I repeat what everyone is saying:

If she keeps reminding you about how she's moving her whole life for you, what the fuck? What's the point of that (keeping you reminded)? Is she trying to make you feel bad? Is she trying to say that if you weren't in her life she'd be better off or happier? Annoying.

No one should ever move somewhere FOR someone else unless they are married to that person or the move is ultimately beneficial for both people. She should be approaching it from the "I'm going to school in a new town where there will be new people and new opportunities...and it's great that my boyfriend also happens to live there". It sounds to me like she's going at it from the "I'm moving to school in a new town because my boyfriend lives there...he better live up to my expectations and appreciate the sacrifice I'm making for him". One sounds great, and the other sounds bitchy...especially when it's the exact same action.

I believe this situation will work if you nip in the bud from the beginning. Be honest from the start about how you really want her to get her own identity in the new place and that it's going to be VERY important that you both do your own thing with different groups of people. You need to make it clear that the move has to benefit HER for different reasons, just as much as it benefits you.

This is such a great point and pretty much sums up my thoughts about this whole situation. I totally feel like sometimes she's putting the burden on me to make this a good decision, and I was (and am) still a little scared that she will depend on me for her social life. I'm a very independent person, and having a significant other around 24/7 is just not who I am or what I need. So hopefully she will make new friends (she's a big people person) and have her own social circle. But that's a whole other issue in itself.

Originally Posted by aicdmb

Katie......you realize Jordanball is a chick, right???

Originally Posted by Stouggies

^ does that realy matter with Katie's advice, I think she makes a good point.

[Climb2safety]

Some online profiles are terrible.

Pic 1 profile : ok, we all need one
Pic 2 repeat of profile : why?
Pic 3 the ocean : wtf?

I could use a little more to go on.....

[Nick@Night]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

Some online profiles are terrible.

Pic 1 profile : ok, we all need one
Pic 2 repeat of profile : why?
Pic 3 the ocean : wtf?

I could use a little more to go on.....

I hate this. Chicks are notorious for putting up pictures that have no bearing on whether we'll want anything to do with them. Oh, you posted a picture of a deck. Cool. If anything, it hurts them on their sales pitch when they waste a picture spot that doesn't even have them in it or doesn't display them at their best. I've started discounting girls who post pictures of themselves covered in color run rainbow bukkake.

Edit: And ones that have sunglasses on in all their pictures.

Pic 1: Group shot with bad lighting
Pic 2: Color run bukkake group shot
Pic 3: Dog
Pic 4: Feet on a pool deck

Marry me?

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

I hate this. Chicks are notorious for putting up pictures that have no bearing on whether we'll want anything to do with them. Oh, you posted a picture of a deck. Cool. If anything, it hurts them on their sales pitch when they waste a picture spot that doesn't even have them in it or doesn't display them at their best. I've started discounting girls who post pictures of themselves covered in color run rainbow bukkake.

This one girls profile pic is her in the water getting kissed on the cheek by a dolphin.

Another chick has a profile pic of a beach with her feet in the foreground.

[Nick@Night]

In other news, Tindered my way in to another 40 year old last night (44, to be exact).

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

In other news, Tindered my way in to another 40 year old last night (44, to be exact).

So...went on tinder, met someone, met up, bedded down? All same day?

Who was she?

[Nick@Night]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

So...went on tinder, met someone, met up, bedded down? All same day?

Who was she?

Took a couple days to be able to meet up in person, but the rest happened in the same episode, yes.

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

Took a couple days to be able to meet up in person, but the rest happened in the same episode, yes.

So will you see her again or is it an agreed upon one time thing?

If my questions are stupid, sorry, but I have so many....

[lockman21]

Online dating sounds awful.

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by lockman21

Online dating sounds awful.

It is.
A lot of black chicks want to meet me.

[thechad90000]

Originally Posted by lockman21

Online dating sounds awful.

It's the worst. But I still do it.

[hmich176]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

question my friend posed to me:

how important is it that the person you end up with is the best sex you've ever experienced?

I pose the question to this thread as it led to an interesting conversation.

If I ended up with the person I've engaged in the "best sex [I've] ever experienced," I might be just as batshit insane as she was. Satisfying sex is important; doesn't mean it has to be the "best."

Originally Posted by lockman21

Online dating sounds awful.

This is true in most respects.

[Alazais]

Originally Posted by lockman21

Online dating sounds awful.

It is bad. It is also so easy though. It's a great way to keep the pipeline of quality candidates full while searching out the ones in person. Good times.


In other news, I've been seeing a pharmacist for a bit (like two weeks). She's very sweet. I think I may like her. Like you know... Like her.

[cry_minarets458]

do you mean that you like being in her vagina or that you like her?

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by smudge1

It is.
A lot of black chicks want to meet me.

Smudge-what's your online dating experience? Why do you say aweful?

[Alazais]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

do you mean that you like being in her vagina or that you like her?

Both, actually. There have been few vaginas I have been in that I've not enjoyed being in (everything else about them may be brutal, but the warm, moist goodness that is a vagina. Very rarely do I hate that).

I like her. She is a very sweet woman. She's Portuguese, speaks it fluently (only way she communicates with her family).



On an unrelated note:

What is everyones thoughts on taking someones virginity?

[cry_minarets458]

^least favorite sexual experiences.

[Ashley J]

Originally Posted by Alazais

Both, actually. There have been few vaginas I have been in that I've not enjoyed being in (everything else about them may be brutal, but the warm, moist goodness that is a vagina. Very rarely do I hate that).

I like her. She is a very sweet woman. She's Portuguese, speaks it fluently (only way she communicates with her family).



On an unrelated note:

What is everyones thoughts on taking someones virginity?

Bad news. Especially this late in life... not good.

[jordanbball17]

Is it weird that I'm starting to "miss" hooking up with random girls? Last semester there were 8-9 different girls that I did stuff with...I love my girlfriend, but is it weird that I miss the excitement and adventure of trying to woo women?

I think what also is making me feel this way is that I'm starting to realize that I suck at serious relationships (due to sheer inexperience-this is my first serious relationship in over four years), whereas I was very talented at picking up random hookups. This relationship is so much more fulfilling and it's what I actually want, but I guess lately the thoughts of a different girl every week are attractive again.

I dunno, sometimes I use this thread as a diary I just feel shitty about this.

[Nick@Night]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

Is it weird that I'm starting to "miss" hooking up with random girls? Last semester there were 8-9 different girls that I did stuff with...I love my girlfriend, but is it weird that I miss the excitement and adventure of trying to woo women?

I think what also is making me feel this way is that I'm starting to realize that I suck at serious relationships (due to sheer inexperience-this is my first serious relationship in over four years), whereas I was very talented at picking up random hookups. This relationship is so much more fulfilling and it's what I actually want, but I guess lately the thoughts of a different girl every week are attractive again.

I dunno, sometimes I use this thread as a diary I just feel shitty about this.

Are you and Alazais brother and sister?

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by jordanbball17

Is it weird that I'm starting to "miss" hooking up with random girls? Last semester there were 8-9 different girls that I did stuff with...I love my girlfriend, but is it weird that I miss the excitement and adventure of trying to woo women?

I think what also is making me feel this way is that I'm starting to realize that I suck at serious relationships (due to sheer inexperience-this is my first serious relationship in over four years), whereas I was very talented at picking up random hookups. This relationship is so much more fulfilling and it's what I actually want, but I guess lately the thoughts of a different girl every week are attractive again.

I dunno, sometimes I use this thread as a diary I just feel shitty about this.

Definitely is a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" don't feel bad about thinking that.

Also can you please start every post in here from now on with "dear diary.."

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by Nick@Night

Are you and Alazais brother and sister?

He is much more impressive than I am. But there were definitely times when I was texting 4-5 girls at once. It was exhausting.

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Definitely is a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" don't feel bad about thinking that.

Also can you please start every post in here from now on with "dear diary.."

Done. And I'm glad those thoughts aren't abnormal.

[Nick@Night]

Ladies is pimps, too. Go and brush your shoulders off.