Dating is miserable - Page 1524 - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 07-22-2014, 07:08 PM   #45691
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Y'all don't share nudes in here? Weak.
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  • Old 07-22-2014, 08:06 PM   #45692
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    No nudes, but i'm happy to share. I don't know how everyone else feels about her but she did it for me. I've been bummed out all day about it.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 01:03 AM   #45693
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Weird late post, but figured what the hell. So 3 years, 4 months into my relationship and have to say it's an interesting experience. You learn a lot about yourself, which is the best thing you can do for yourself. Can't wait to marry this girl. Never thought I'd say that about anyone, but it's great.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 06:18 AM   #45694
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I can't stand people who use online dating sites like they're specifically meant for chatting as if we were texting. So hard to figure out something to say to someone that way.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 08:10 AM   #45695
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    I can't stand people who use online dating sites like they're specifically meant for chatting as if we were texting. So hard to figure out something to say to someone that way.
    That's the problem with communication. People don't even like talking on the phone anymore, which is just awful. It's either text or you won't get an adequate response.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 09:12 AM   #45696
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Originally Posted by Roose13 View Post
    That's the problem with communication. People don't even like talking on the phone anymore, which is just awful. It's either text or you won't get an adequate response.
    I hate talking on the phone but mainly because I talk on the phone a lot at work so the last thing I wanna do is talk.

    I am also considerably shy at first, takes me a bit to open up.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 09:52 AM   #45697
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    i'd rather talk on the phone. not looking forward to dating sites either.

    when I'm in a relationship with someone, there's even no guarantee it'd be an every night phone call or a text goodnight. a recent girl shared that sentiment about relationships but wouldn't actually try in one with me. so we talked ALOT more than necessary, a lot about serious things, and it's just been so tiring. then she uses that as a gauge of what the relationship would be like. I don't know why my head and my heart just can't let it go.
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    Old 07-23-2014, 06:12 PM   #45698
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    From my experience the past few months a lot of woman on dating sites prefer to meet in person before talking on the phone, maybe that is just my experiences. I think once you establish a somewhat connection though, the txting should become almost non exsistant, the more verbal communication has to happen via the phone or up in personal. I am finding though that most dating sites have too many damaged goods, hell even me, I know I weigh about 12 pounds more then my picture, but most seem to be too. A lot of times I wish we could rely on our friends, that know us best, to maybe connect us to the right one, but as we get older maybe those friends get too involved with their own lives. Troy, from Canada now, I don't know what to say... I think I would be happy if I did not want to be married or have junior Troy's floating about. :} but that is just me, you have to figure out what you want today.

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    Old 07-24-2014, 09:30 AM   #45699
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    My phone comment wasn't strictly for dating, just in general. It's gotten to the point where if I call a kid I want to interview for a story, I get no response. I text him and he/she responds in 30 seconds. And it's for a phone interview, so I have to talk with them anyway! It's ridiculous
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    Old 07-25-2014, 08:15 AM   #45700
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Yeah, but then you know what the call is for. Texts are just easier to respond to or ignore if you want to.
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    Old 07-25-2014, 11:00 AM   #45701
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I always answer my phone, regardless. Maybe I'm just old school.
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    Old 07-27-2014, 10:25 AM   #45702
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I'm really struggling today. This week has been tough. But, it's my own fault for putting myself in the situation. I need to do a better job of listening to you people in here.
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    Old 07-27-2014, 07:02 PM   #45703
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Update on my relationship with my controlling, manipulative and troubled girlfriend: a friend of mine from college (girl) got out of a relationship not too long ago and has since started liking a few of my posts on social media. This is a girl that I have absolutely no history with and my girlfriend know this.

    This apparently makes my girlfriend "uncomfortable" and she has asked me to block her on Facebook, something that I refuse to do. She is starting to get pretty upset by this. I have a feeling this is going to be reaching a breaking point soon.
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    Old 07-27-2014, 07:25 PM   #45704
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    ..facebook
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    Old 07-28-2014, 12:40 AM   #45705
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheLastStop123 View Post
    Update on my relationship with my controlling, manipulative and troubled girlfriend: a friend of mine from college (girl) got out of a relationship not too long ago and has since started liking a few of my posts on social media. This is a girl that I have absolutely no history with and my girlfriend know this.

    This apparently makes my girlfriend "uncomfortable" and she has asked me to block her on Facebook, something that I refuse to do. She is starting to get pretty upset by this. I have a feeling this is going to be reaching a breaking point soon.
    I sense a whole lot of insecurity. And insecurity never seems to get better
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    Old 07-28-2014, 06:48 AM   #45706
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    I'm really struggling today. This week has been tough. But, it's my own fault for putting myself in the situation. I need to do a better job of listening to you people in here.
    Long rant coming...I put myself in this position, though.

    The gal I spoke of recently, the one that chose her ex in April, the one that came back to me but still wouldn't commit to a relationship, the one that the ex came and visited again in June and made her walk away from "us," the one that went with this ex to a wedding over the fourth of July, practically led me on all summer. ...maybe even led me on for the past 11 months. Right after the June episode, we ended up talking and having sex...she admitted things she hadn't before and actually started to acknowledge my feelings about how weird her relationship is with her ex. for the next three weeks, she treated me like a boyfriend. I was under the impression it was a lot of fun and becoming better, improving, striding toward something. she told me we were "much more than friends and [I] knew it" but she just didn't know what to call us. I told her it's only complicated because she complicates things and she told me I was absolutely correct.

    anyways, a few days later, I met her family while helping her move. I wasn't treated like more than a friend. I was treated like a helping hand. it hurt. I brought it up because practically this whole time since we've been off and on, she's never treated me as important. this was another situation in which she didn't make me feel important. not saying I need to be the center of attention (I don't), but if we've been casually dating for 11 months now and at that time were "more than friends," I feel like it should be pointed out to the family prior to my arrival so I'm not treated as a helping hand. ("So nice to meet you..we've heard a lot about you" compared to the reality I experienced "thank you for coming and saving my husband's knees from lifting" -the mom)

    a few days later (which was last week), she told me that we're not a good fit and I need to move on. she said she's trying to do what's best for me....after using me for the past 3 weeks and the past 3-4 months intermittently, at the least. I felt like the carpet was pulled out from under me. it really felt like we were making progress. our connection during sex was great and intimate. we were doing more couple things. but she wouldn't even hold my hand in public.

    However, I now know that this whole past year, I was under the impression that I had a chance at some point, but all of my classmates were under the impression that she and I weren't serious and the ex bf was the main focus for her. the ex will be at a school ceremony at the end of the summer before we start clinical year (most of hers are home...near family and ex; mine are all over). it just makes me angry, sad, hurt.

    3 nights ago she texted me after midnight about a family member of hers that isn't doing well. I responded because I know her family is so important to her, so I was cordial. I asked her something specific and personal during that text and she answered it when she didn't have to. she ended the convo by saying "this (us not being "together") isn't easy."

    I woke up this morning to a text from her saying "good morning I hope you had a good weekend"

    It just pisses me off that since she ripped the bandaid off, she's no longer emotionally attached and can now be instantaneously friends when she couldn't be at any other time in our past 11 months of off-and-on.

    why can't my head make sense of this? everyone tells me look at the big picture (she doesn't want me, red flag with the ex, etc), and my response is my picture was her hand forever. I had already discussed moving to Shitsburgh for her after we graduate from our program. the last 3 week stint really made me feel like there was a lot of progress going on. sadness is fleeting, as is anger.

    sorry for the rant. just needed to write it somewhere. I flacco'd it; I guess I should have walked away in the fall.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 07:31 AM   #45707
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Ill read that later, when I have a spare two hours or so. But you've gotta frame things as you cutting her off. She loses.

    Not she cut you off last fall and you are learning to accept it and move on. From now on, you make the choices and decisions. A girl is a cunt to you? Cya.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 08:10 AM   #45708
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    Long rant coming...I put myself in this position, though.

    The gal I spoke of recently, the one that chose her ex in April, the one that came back to me but still wouldn't commit to a relationship, the one that the ex came and visited again in June and made her walk away from "us," the one that went with this ex to a wedding over the fourth of July, practically led me on all summer. ...maybe even led me on for the past 11 months. Right after the June episode, we ended up talking and having sex...she admitted things she hadn't before and actually started to acknowledge my feelings about how weird her relationship is with her ex. for the next three weeks, she treated me like a boyfriend. I was under the impression it was a lot of fun and becoming better, improving, striding toward something. she told me we were "much more than friends and [I] knew it" but she just didn't know what to call us. I told her it's only complicated because she complicates things and she told me I was absolutely correct.

    anyways, a few days later, I met her family while helping her move. I wasn't treated like more than a friend. I was treated like a helping hand. it hurt. I brought it up because practically this whole time since we've been off and on, she's never treated me as important. this was another situation in which she didn't make me feel important. not saying I need to be the center of attention (I don't), but if we've been casually dating for 11 months now and at that time were "more than friends," I feel like it should be pointed out to the family prior to my arrival so I'm not treated as a helping hand. ("So nice to meet you..we've heard a lot about you" compared to the reality I experienced "thank you for coming and saving my husband's knees from lifting" -the mom)

    a few days later (which was last week), she told me that we're not a good fit and I need to move on. she said she's trying to do what's best for me....after using me for the past 3 weeks and the past 3-4 months intermittently, at the least. I felt like the carpet was pulled out from under me. it really felt like we were making progress. our connection during sex was great and intimate. we were doing more couple things. but she wouldn't even hold my hand in public.

    However, I now know that this whole past year, I was under the impression that I had a chance at some point, but all of my classmates were under the impression that she and I weren't serious and the ex bf was the main focus for her. the ex will be at a school ceremony at the end of the summer before we start clinical year (most of hers are home...near family and ex; mine are all over). it just makes me angry, sad, hurt.

    3 nights ago she texted me after midnight about a family member of hers that isn't doing well. I responded because I know her family is so important to her, so I was cordial. I asked her something specific and personal during that text and she answered it when she didn't have to. she ended the convo by saying "this (us not being "together") isn't easy."

    I woke up this morning to a text from her saying "good morning I hope you had a good weekend"

    It just pisses me off that since she ripped the bandaid off, she's no longer emotionally attached and can now be instantaneously friends when she couldn't be at any other time in our past 11 months of off-and-on.

    why can't my head make sense of this? everyone tells me look at the big picture (she doesn't want me, red flag with the ex, etc), and my response is my picture was her hand forever. I had already discussed moving to Shitsburgh for her after we graduate from our program. the last 3 week stint really made me feel like there was a lot of progress going on. sadness is fleeting, as is anger.

    sorry for the rant. just needed to write it somewhere. I flacco'd it; I guess I should have walked away in the fall.
    Ugh I am so sorry that you had to go through this crap. It sounds like a girl that is unsure of what she wants and/or is not over her ex. I am going to lean more towards the former though. Honestly, and I know it hurts, she knows what she was/is doing. She's manipulating you and you are letting her! Trust me, I know that it is hard to see when your mind and heart are clouded. You need to take your distance and not respond to her. You need to tell her to leave you alone. You need to take care of you, even if it means hurting someone else. Because that's exactly what she is doing.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 08:15 AM   #45709
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Hard to, Sarah. I have to work with her on a project for the next week, then come December, we have a 5 week rotation together to finish the project...with a 2 week break for Xmas/NYE in between in which, I'm sure, she'll be all lovie-dovie with her ex.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 08:38 AM   #45710
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    That definitely makes it harder but you'll have to try to keep it strictly professional. You need time and she does too. It's up to each other to take the respective time but up to you to not give her attention.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 08:53 AM   #45711
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    Ill read that later, when I have a spare two hours or so. But you've gotta frame things as you cutting her off. She loses.

    Not she cut you off last fall and you are learning to accept it and move on. From now on, you make the choices and decisions. A girl is a cunt to you? Cya.
    ^^^ Cry_Min, take Tidu's advice. It's the only way to not drive yourself crazy.

    Love and lust will make you blind, but there's only so many ways to say that you've just got to drop it and move on. It will not happen with her, and even if it did, imagine the baggage and bullshit you'd have to put up with. This is just about the rockiest start a relationship can have and you just can't make that work long-term.

    Stop talking about what will happen in December. That's months from now. You will have moved on and found someone else by then. Someone who actually cares about you. And she'll be stick in no-man's land.

    I know it's excruciating right now, been there. Just put your head down and soon this will all seem like a tiny blip in the past.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 10:27 AM   #45712
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    thanks andy

    I just don't understand why she texted me good morning hope you had a good weekend at 620am. I overheard her in class say she was up since 4 studying for our exam today, so even bother texting me?
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    Old 07-28-2014, 10:32 AM   #45713
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    thanks andy

    I just don't understand why she texted me good morning hope you had a good weekend at 620am. I overheard her in class say she was up since 4 studying for our exam today, so even bother texting me?
    To keep you on a leash.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 10:35 AM   #45714
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TheLastStop123 View Post
    Update on my relationship with my controlling, manipulative and troubled girlfriend: a friend of mine from college (girl) got out of a relationship not too long ago and has since started liking a few of my posts on social media. This is a girl that I have absolutely no history with and my girlfriend know this.

    This apparently makes my girlfriend "uncomfortable" and she has asked me to block her on Facebook, something that I refuse to do. She is starting to get pretty upset by this. I have a feeling this is going to be reaching a breaking point soon.
    LOL the crazy chick I talked about was like this. When we were talking, she got upset I liked a few photos from my best friend, who happened to be a girl. I told her to calm her titties.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 10:43 AM   #45715
    Roose13
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Cry_min (I'm assuming your name is Matt going by your sig?), I feel for you brother. To mime what Andy and Tidu said, you need to cut all ties with this girl once you're done this project you've been working on. And I think it was Sarah who said to keep it professional with her going forward.

    She texted you, "good morning...?" I say down-play a text like that with a short answer. Short, cordial, but not leading onto the fact that she has some type of hold on you. I think she craves having someone cling to her like that because she's battling her own insecurities. I've been in a situation like that before and it drove me nuts for a year or so.

    I know you'll bounce back from this. I have and I can't remember the last time I've been this happy over anything, side from being hired by the current paper I write for. Stay strong, buddy.
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    Old 07-28-2014, 12:29 PM   #45716
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    thanks andy

    I just don't understand why she texted me good morning hope you had a good weekend at 620am. I overheard her in class say she was up since 4 studying for our exam today, so even bother texting me?
    They get off on knowing that guys like them and fucking with their heads. It's science.
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    Old 07-29-2014, 04:12 PM   #45717
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    In response to cry_min's post, that's a really shitty situation but you are correct in that you brought it upon yourself by continuing on with this. Think of things from her perspective. What if you met a girl who saw you two as perfect, but you didn't necessarily? Then they continually are desperately trying to gain your love and affection despite you not wanting to be in a defined relationship with them? Would their perseverance suddenly change your mind, or would you decide it's not worth dragging them along? This is going to sound shitty, but I think as soon as she realized that you would be after her regardless of what she did (read: the ex situation, that first time it happened) that she lost enough respect for you to deep down know she would not be with you seriously. This happens all the time. Once she knew that she had you on a leash, you immediately became dispensable. Hence, you've been treated as such. The dude "just along for the ride" based on the whole moving experience. Take Tiduwho's advice. Get out. And get out now. You should be furious with both her and yourself for this happening. I know you have to work with her, but you shouldn't be loathing it because you still have feelings for her, you should be loathing it because she pulled a real bitch move and fucked you over in the process. Her AM text was obviously to get a sense of if she still had you or not. I wouldn't even respond. Keep your interactions limited to school related material and that's it.

    Don't let her compromise your self respect. Any girl who actually gives 2 fucks about you would never make you feel categorized as a "helping hand".
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    Old 07-29-2014, 05:02 PM   #45718
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gonz085 View Post
    In response to cry_min's post, that's a really shitty situation but you are correct in that you brought it upon yourself by continuing on with this. Think of things from her perspective. What if you met a girl who saw you two as perfect, but you didn't necessarily? Then they continually are desperately trying to gain your love and affection despite you not wanting to be in a defined relationship with them? Would their perseverance suddenly change your mind, or would you decide it's not worth dragging them along? This is going to sound shitty, but I think as soon as she realized that you would be after her regardless of what she did (read: the ex situation, that first time it happened) that she lost enough respect for you to deep down know she would not be with you seriously. This happens all the time. Once she knew that she had you on a leash, you immediately became dispensable. Hence, you've been treated as such. The dude "just along for the ride" based on the whole moving experience. Take Tiduwho's advice. Get out. And get out now. You should be furious with both her and yourself for this happening. I know you have to work with her, but you shouldn't be loathing it because you still have feelings for her, you should be loathing it because she pulled a real bitch move and fucked you over in the process. Her AM text was obviously to get a sense of if she still had you or not. I wouldn't even respond. Keep your interactions limited to school related material and that's it.

    Don't let her compromise your self respect. Any girl who actually gives 2 fucks about you would never make you feel categorized as a "helping hand".

    Let me pre-emptively follow-up on this by saying a lot of people may think they are not coming off as desperate, but they are. You don't have to be on your hands and knees to come off that way. All you have to be is on their beck and call. Texting more than they text you, and are there whenever they come calling.

    You might think you are just responding or following up, but if she has a friend around she's probably giving her the knowing *eye roll*, yeah it's him again.
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    Old 07-29-2014, 05:10 PM   #45719
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gonz085 View Post
    In response to cry_min's post, that's a really shitty situation but you are correct in that you brought it upon yourself by continuing on with this. Think of things from her perspective. What if you met a girl who saw you two as perfect, but you didn't necessarily? Then they continually are desperately trying to gain your love and affection despite you not wanting to be in a defined relationship with them? Would their perseverance suddenly change your mind, or would you decide it's not worth dragging them along? This is going to sound shitty, but I think as soon as she realized that you would be after her regardless of what she did (read: the ex situation, that first time it happened) that she lost enough respect for you to deep down know she would not be with you seriously. This happens all the time. Once she knew that she had you on a leash, you immediately became dispensable. Hence, you've been treated as such. The dude "just along for the ride" based on the whole moving experience.

    You should be furious with both her and yourself for this happening. I know you have to work with her, but you shouldn't be loathing it because you still have feelings for her, you should be loathing it because she pulled a real bitch move and fucked you over in the process. Her AM text was obviously to get a sense of if she still had you or not. I wouldn't even respond.
    The rest of the post seems to nail the situation completely. Respect someone has for you, and what they deem your "worth" are inter-related when it comes to relationships.

    You were a pushover the first time instead of calling her out on pulling a cunt move. Your actions say that you aren't "worth" as much as she is, because her feelings and wants are more important than yours. You're sitting there accepting what this girl does and hoping she chooses you, because she's "worth it" to you. In her mind, you aren't worth wasting her time and effort because you will be there anyway. She has no consequence for abusing or neglecting you. She's not going to lose you. You've already proven that.

    You can sit there and pretend that you're moving on, but if she texts you and says she made a big mistake and that she wants to go out and make it up to you...and you respond? That means you're still on the string. She had no consequences. How many times have you already fooled yourself into thinking you're the one in control and you were moving on from her over the past 9 months? The girl is cancer to you. Start with a new girl. And be confident from now on.
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    Last edited by Tiduwho; 07-29-2014 at 05:14 PM.
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    Old 07-30-2014, 06:40 AM   #45720
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    ^ all of that sucks, but it's very true.
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