Moving Back In With Your Parents

[bigeyedpigs]

Originally Posted by scrock25

I lived with parents until I got married a month before my 28th birthday without moving out once, everybody's situation is different... no reason to call it disgusting or anything else. You may not understand, but you don't need to.

I understand everyones situation is different and the situation I was describing as disgusting is a very different scenerio than what you are referring to. I was generally referring to people that I know, whom are an actual burden to their parents. When your referred to as baby, work at game stop, pay no actual bills or rent and are in your mid to late thirties holed up in your parents house, that is disgusting. Especially if their is no medical or psychological reason other than sheer laziness or lack or drive.
I apologize if you interpreted my calling your situation disgusting, that was not my intention.

[HeyBrother]

Originally Posted by defcon

Wait til 6 months after you graduate and those student loan bills start coming in. You'll at least be visiting home a lot more if you don't move back.

Should've mentioned I left for college in 2008 and haven't lived at home since. Mind you, I grew up in a divorced household with step parents who aren't bad people at all, but I'd rather make my own mistakes and not be as financially well off than spend another day under someone else's roof. If you really liked being home with your parents as a kid (i.e. throughout high school) then I can see why being home later in life would not be so bad. I never really liked hanging out at home.

[sheldonlevene]

Originally Posted by Rodey

What's his reasoning for still living at home? I don't think it's that odd to live at home throughout college.

Is he working? Living at home to pay off debt?

I think it all really depends on the scenario. I don't think there is a given age where it's not acceptable to live at home.

Should have clarified. He didn't go to college. So he didn't move out even for a bit to do a stint at a school. He's just lived there straight on through, except for the aforementioned 1 year or so that he registered for some classes that he never took and lived with me in a college apt.

No debt. He waits tables.

Just feels like he has no ambition to do anything that might deviate from the norm.

[iMAC386]

Originally Posted by scrock25

The judgement is just out of control... why does anybody need to justify anything to a bunch of people on the internet.

Disgusting, ridiculous... I mean Christ.

Originally Posted by Rodey

There is no correct answer to this topic. It's different for everyone and there are a lot of different scenarios that factor in.

I think one factor that doesn't get brought up often is culture/heritage that you grew up in. A lot of European/Asian cultures just view the impetus to move out as soon as you finish HS as weird...their default is families should want to stay together and support one another. The family unit is viewed much differently in American culture. My family is Persian and they talk about parents wanting to keep their adult children in their home...there wasn't pressure to move out, especially not if they were working/in school, and most wouldn't move out till married.

I agree with all the judgment for the lazy POS who's just mooching off parents in their 20s and 30s going nowhere in life...but I think most the people talking about this are talking about someone who's got a respectable job or are in school working towards some life aspirations.

[daveshookme]

27, live at home with my parents. Does it blow? Sure. Is it better than being in debt? Absolutely. And frankly, I don't want to live by myself. I wouldn't mind living on my own with roommates, but all of my friends in the area I either don't want to live with or I'd be a third wheel. No thanks. I've lived on my own before, I can do it that's not an issue. It just works for all of us that I live home.

[YankeesDMB41]

I wouldnt judge people for living with their parents. I'm 23 and probably could afford to get a shitty apartment with 4 other dudes in Queens or something...but my mom is fresh off divorcing my dad, and is alone in this big house I grew up in. I'm deciding to stay here as long as she does and she's very happy I'm doing that. I'm saving $ and spending some quality time with my mom during a bad time. It's a win win! I also have a basement that I pretty much maintain alone and live in, so it's obviously a little different than a lot of people

[M. Steng]

Lived with my parents for about 9 months after I graduated law school. I hurt my back pretty badly two weeks after graduating and I also had to dedicate my entire life to studying for the bar for two months straight after graduating. I didn't pass the first time so I had to rinse and repeat the whole process. Got back surgery that November and then passed the next bar exam which I took in February 2016. Moved in with my then-fiancée the next month when I got a full time gig.

So physically and financially I didn't have much of a choice. I understand why people do it, hell my brother lived with my parents for two years after graduating college. My mother is the classic overbearing Italian mother, so while I obviously love her very much, I was very excited to get my own place.

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by YankeesDMB41

I wouldnt judge people for living with their parents. I'm 23 and probably could afford to get a shitty apartment with 4 other dudes in Queens or something...but my mom is fresh off divorcing my dad, and is alone in this big house I grew up in. I'm deciding to stay here as long as she does and she's very happy I'm doing that. I'm saving $ and spending some quality time with my mom during a bad time. It's a win win! I also have a basement that I pretty much maintain alone and live in, so it's obviously a little different than a lot of people

Preach, Ant. Preach.

Hope everything turns out ok for your family.

[defcon]

Originally Posted by YankeesDMB41

I wouldnt judge people for living with their parents. I'm 23 and probably could afford to get a shitty apartment with 4 other dudes in Queens or something...but my mom is fresh off divorcing my dad, and is alone in this big house I grew up in. I'm deciding to stay here as long as she does and she's very happy I'm doing that. I'm saving $ and spending some quality time with my mom during a bad time. It's a win win! I also have a basement that I pretty much maintain alone and live in, so it's obviously a little different than a lot of people

So fucking wrong that the man always loses the house and usually has to pay child support and alimony. Too bad your parents couldn't fix it. Shit like this is why I'll never be legally married - because it's bullshit.

[cazzie34]

Originally Posted by defcon

So fucking wrong that the man always loses the house and usually has to pay child support and alimony. Too bad your parents couldn't fix it. Shit like this is why I'll never be legally married - because it's bullshit.

Good to see you comment on his situation when you know absolutely nothing about his parents or his family's situation. I'm sure he feels real great about your comment.

[YankeesDMB41]

Originally Posted by scrock25

Preach, Ant. Preach.

Hope everything turns out ok for your family.

Originally Posted by defcon

So fucking wrong that the man always loses the house and usually has to pay child support and alimony. Too bad your parents couldn't fix it. Shit like this is why I'll never be legally married - because it's bullshit.

Yea it's a shitty situation all around

[rconverse]

I would say that, in almost all cases, if you were living happily on your own and had to move back in with your parents, something not so good has happened. If we're going to judge people, we should judge them based on what they did after they moved back in with their parents. Did you let life keep you down or come back swinging? That's really what's more important.

[CrashTheStone41]

I was on my own for 13 years... moved multiple times and decided I wanted to return to the Chicagoland area. That was roughly a year ago (maybe a little longer). I crashed on a friends couch for a bit and the decided to move in to my parents basement while I saved money to buy a house. I have only a small amount left to save and am searching for a house at this point. I wouldn't even be close to the position I am in now if I was not able to live in their basement while I saved money.

I am glad they have the same mindset as me... renting at this point is useless. It is essentially pissing money down the drain.

[aeroshady]

I moved back in with my parents right after my first degree (back in 2009). I lived there on and off again for about 2-3 years. I have lived with my girlfriend, now fiancee, for the past 3-4 years. My parents moved to North Carolina, so moving back in with them is just not an option anymore. Also, I am 31 soon to be 32 and I feel like I have passed the point of no return. I have had to deal with roommates for the past 4 years, and that is something I am looking forward to putting behind me. I am getting married in July and I have no intentions of having roommates ever again.

[defcon]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

Good to see you comment on his situation when you know absolutely nothing about his parents or his family's situation. I'm sure he feels real great about your comment.

Tell me how you really feel. I wasn't attacking that person, just pointing out what most likely happened. A friend of mine is going through divorce right now. The system is really fucked up. His wife cheated and got pregnant by another man and he's still getting screwed. Bitter battle over property, custody of children, etc, and the system is overwhelmingly unfair to men.

[TrampledUnderw.]

Would absolutely move back in after school if I stay in the area

[defcon]

Here's a spin off. Would you still move back in with your folks if you had to pay rent and utilities (i.e, normal roommate situation)?

Back in 2005 before I tried law school I had a gap year. Lived for three months with my father and stepmother until they decided to start charging rent and shit. I was out by the deadline. And I looked like the asshole because I was supposed to help them out financially. It's like...FUCK YOU. You both have full-time jobs (and a part-time job) and I literally just graduated. You both chose to take on a mortgage in your late 40s, not me, so fuck off. It did teach me independence.

[drop2d]

Originally Posted by defcon

Here's a spin off. Would you still move back in with your folks if you had to pay rent and utilities (i.e, normal roommate situation)?

Back in 2005 before I tried law school I had a gap year. Lived for three months with my father and stepmother until they decided to start charging rent and shit. I was out by the deadline. And I looked like the asshole because I was supposed to help them out financially. It's like...FUCK YOU. You both have full-time jobs (and a part-time job) and I literally just graduated. You both chose to take on a mortgage in your late 40s, not me, so fuck off. It did teach me independence.

They probably just didn't want you living there. Once my kid is done with school, we have a plan... 60 days to get a full-time job, 90 days from that - get out or start paying rent. Of course, that could change a bit depending on circumstances... but in no way do I want my kid living here for years after being done with school.

[Timebomb07]

26, moved back home after college (4 years in May) It's allowed me to pay off undergrad loans and begin saving. Considering my job is 10 minutes from my house, having multiple apartments of friends in the area and a girlfriend stuck in vet school, it's been the perfect scenario. Sure, I'd like to be out by now, but it's the most logical thing to do. I've got another 14 more months to go and I'll be out.

edit: what I find silly, is friends who work in the same damn town as there parents house and have the chance to live there, but decided to find an apartment in the same town, 5 minutes down the road.

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by drop2d

They probably just didn't want you living there. Once my kid is done with school, we have a plan... 60 days to get a full-time job, 90 days from that - get out or start paying rent. Of course, that could change a bit depending on circumstances... but in no way do I want my kid living here for years after being done with school.

So long as they're working and not getting in trouble I'm not sure I'd have a problem with either of my kids, when they get to be that age, being at home for a while after school.

For me, it would be hypocritical to say I'd have a problem with it considering my parents didn't have a problem with me being at home for 7 years post graduation.

They never charged me a dime either, which I am very grateful for to this day.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by Timebomb07

26, moved back home after college (4 years in May) It's allowed me to pay off undergrad loans and begin saving. Considering my job is 10 minutes from my house, having multiple apartments of friends in the area and a girlfriend stuck in vet school, it's been the perfect scenario. Sure, I'd like to be out by now, but it's the most logical thing to do. I've got another 14 more months to go and I'll be out.

edit: what I find silly, is friends who work in the same damn town as there parents house and have the chance to live there, but decided to find an apartment in the same town, 5 minutes down the road.

Can't put a price on independence.

[Rodey]

Honestly, if your kids are that much of a burden to you that you don't want them to live in your home after graduating college, you've probably done something wrong from a parenting standpoint.

[drop2d]

Originally Posted by scrock25

So long as they're working and not getting in trouble I'm not sure I'd have a problem with either of my kids, when they get to be that age, being at home for a while after school.

For me, it would be hypocritical to say I'd have a problem with it considering my parents didn't have a problem with me being at home for 7 years post graduation.

They never charged me a dime either, which I am very grateful for to this day.

Yeah, I'm sure it all has to do with how you're brought up. I was paying rent by the time I was 16... And if I wasn't working full time in the summers, I was working for my dad. Which was worse than any other job in the world!

I'm not doing any of that to my kid... but still, I believe in supporting yourself when you're an adult.

[drop2d]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Honestly, if your kids are that much of a burden to you that you don't want them to live in your home after graduating college, you've probably done something wrong from a parenting standpoint.

Yeah, it's not the burden... it's the 'hey, uh, go live your own life... you're an adult now.'

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Honestly, if your kids are that much of a burden to you that you don't want them to live in your home after graduating college, you've probably done something wrong from a parenting standpoint.

I see drop's point, but like we've both said, we're both coming from very different places... it's obviously not black and white.

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by drop2d

Yeah, it's not the burden... it's the 'hey, uh, go live your own life... you're an adult now.'

Again, just not that black and white.

I graduated college, had debt that I didn't end up paying off until a couple years ago, was established in a job and a relationship, and wanted to get myself in better spot financially before making the decision to get married, buy a house, and raise a family. My parents allowed me to do that because they knew I was working hard and not getting into trouble.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by drop2d

Yeah, it's not the burden... it's the 'hey, uh, go live your own life... you're an adult now.'

Originally Posted by scrock25

I see drop's point, but like we've both said, we're both coming from very different places... it's obviously not black and white.

Every scenario is different.

But, in general, if my kid was responsible, got an education and was financially savvy/smart enough to ask to move back in, I see no issue in allowing them to move back in.

[cazzie34]

I would charge my adult children rent and/or utilities if they didn't have any immediate plan for graduate school or military service. It would be well below market price but they would have to pay something. Reasons: A) I need to finish saving for retirement and B) you need at least some sense of responsibility.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

I would charge my adult children rent and/or utilities if they didn't have any immediate plan for graduate school or military service. It would be well below market price but they would have to pay something. Reasons: A) I need to finish saving for retirement and B) you need at least some sense of responsibility.

I think this is fair.

[TheLastPig]

Originally Posted by drop2d

Yeah, I'm sure it all has to do with how you're brought up. I was paying rent by the time I was 16... And if I wasn't working full time in the summers, I was working for my dad. Which was worse than any other job in the world!

I'm not doing any of that to my kid... but still, I believe in supporting yourself when you're an adult.

Huh?