Do sex toys make men obsolete?

[Strangely Brown]

Fwiw, women say all kinds of crazy thit to their husbands for all kinds of reasons.

If you wife tells you she is going to go find a fuck buddy I would just say, that is fine just promise me that if you do you will tell me, and know that if you do we are over.

That is the bottom line.

Op, do you know what all the issues are specifically in your marriage? Are you guys working in it, actively?

[bustedstuff88]

[QUOTE=smudge1;14372423]Personally, I would just get out of that situation.
Focus on your children.
Next time she wants to suck your cock while the laundry is drying, tell her you have other things you need to do.[/QUOTE]

I might just sig this......

[DMBZeppelin]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

While we were fucking last night she says "even if I fuck somebody else you'll still fuck me, wont you?"

Time to end the relationship.

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Maybe the best thing for me to do would be just focus on my children, then get myself sum on the side. So much easier said than done though.

If you want to be with other people why stay with her?

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Should I fuck her if she comes to me wanting it if I know for a fact shes been with other dudes?

No! This whole thread you've been saying how upset you are with this situation. That you don't know how to let go. Well you start by not trying to hold on.

You are considering staying with her while she bangs other dudes. She probably expects you to do as much. The only way you'll move on is to end the sexual part of your relationship.

You need to work on having a amicable relationship that is 100% about your children, and that's it.

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Im snipped, so I have no worries

Why would you do this at such a young age? What if your potential future wife wants to start a family?

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

but once she crosses that line and starts playing hide the salami with some horsecock, then ill feel alot less bad about going out and intentionally putting myself out there and trying to get laid. Hard to say it wont be revenge sex against her at first, but hopefully that wont last.

Does this sound like a marriage that has any future? You need to seriously end this, or make a strong effort at reconciliation if you both actually want that. Just waiting around to see who fucks who first is a dead end for a marriage.

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

We have two kids, a 8 year old girl and a 3 year old boy, and I feel terribly for them. They seem to be taking it well right now, but i worry about how this all will effect them in the long term. May be better than seeing their parents argue in front of them all the time....

The best thing for your kids is for you to have as healthy of a relationship as possible with their mother. If you keep investing yourself in a failed marriage it may get ugly when she starts banging other dudes. It be better if you end it before it gets to that point. That way nobody feels betrayed, or you have to worry about hating one another.

If you two do end up hating each other that will be terrible for the kids.

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

She used to be so different, loving life, so laid back. Ever since that pregnancy test turned out positive, its like she has a stick up her ass. Very uptight.

You change a lot in your 20's. No one is to blame, but maybe you aren't compatible anymore.

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

You are her safety net right now. She's using you to stay tethered, while she goes out and prepares to find some new options. So while she goes through trials and tribulations in her head as she starts talking to new dudes, she's going to have you to fall back on.


Cut her off. Immediately. Don't let her cut off your balls. That pit in your stomach can't run your life.

This x1000000000

Tiduwho is 100% spot on with what she's doing.

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

I gotta learn to stop fucking thinking about her!!!!

Why in the fuck does this gotta be so hard?

This will not happen while you guys continue to fuck. You are clinging to her in every way possible. The only way to move on is to actually move on. Get a divorce.

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

How do I say this...


The more compliments you give, the more you try to win her back? The "safer" she feels. You are literally letting her walk away, because you are reinforcing that you will be there if she wants to come back.

You sit around worrying all day and feeling awful, while she doesn't have to worry about anything. She has you.


The only way to change your current situation is to cut her off. Make her start thinking about you. Make her worry about you. The whole thought process that she might be making a mistake, will NEVER happen unless you give it a chance to.

Right now, your actions are only telling her subconscious "This is ok. You are doing the right thing. This guy is weak, below me. He's looking up at me. And I have a safety net with him too."

Once again 100% nailed it.

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by Strangely Brown

Fwiw, women say all kinds of crazy thit to their husbands for all kinds of reasons.

If you wife tells you she is going to go find a fuck buddy I would just say, that is fine just promise me that if you do you will tell me, and know that if you do we are over.

That is the bottom line.

Op, do you know what all the issues are specifically in your marriage? Are you guys working in it, actively?

Weve both kinda come to the conensus over many years that were probably were ogether int he first place for the wrong reaons....now we have irreconciable differences (at least to her...seems like I can put up with alot more than her)

I mean weve tried....things get better for a week then revert. Its a viscious rollercoaster. Aso her mood is so unpredictable sot hat doesnt help things. We can be getting along great and one off the cuff comment by me and she is fipping a tit.

[dre2142]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

I have two kids....one boy and one girl. I decided for myself thats all I wanted. Why on earth would I want more complications in a life thats already complicated enough? This is a decision I do not regret for one second, and probably even moreso now that this shit has come to the surface.

but youre TWENTY FIVE. Still a kid dude.....crazy decision.

When you find someone else that you want to spend the rest of your life with, youll not have the oppurtunity to start a family with her...unless you reverse it (if even possible)

also limits you to women that dont want to have children....or already have children.

crazy decision imho at such a young age.

[bustedstuff88]

Truth Zeppelin...truth. Back read a bit and I think most of your questions you had for me are answered.....Anyways, Thanks everyone for your brutal honestly. I felt wierd hitting the submit button on this thread, not fully knowing if I would end up spilling my guts or not, but I did, and I feel 100% better for it. Im glad i let it all out there. Dare I say the process of gaining closure is beginning? Maybe......

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by dre2142

but youre TWENTY FIVE. Still a kid dude.....crazy decision.

When you find someone else that you want to spend the rest of your life with, youll not have the oppurtunity to start a family with her...unless you reverse it (if even possible)

also limits you to women that dont want to have children....or already have children.

crazy decision imho at such a young age.

On the other side of the coin..
My wife had her tubes tied after our second child.

[dre2142]

Originally Posted by smudge1

On the other side of the coin..
My wife had her tubes tied after our second child.

at what age

i also think a woman doing it is slightly different.....not a huge difference, but slightly.

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by dre2142

but youre TWENTY FIVE. Still a kid dude.....crazy decision.

When you find someone else that you want to spend the rest of your life with, youll not have the oppurtunity to start a family with her...unless you reverse it (if even possible)

also limits you to women that dont want to have children....or already have children.

crazy decision imho at such a young age.

I just somthing I no longer felt i needed....more children that is. Im sure there are women out there who are happy to be childfree, or women that have already had their kids and are now just looking for a guy to enjoy life with.

If a woman and I were to get even close to being serious, i would tell her immediatly im sterile. If shes not cool with it, then move on.

[bustedstuff88]

[QUOTE=dre2142;14372464]at what age

i also think a woman doing it is slightly different.....not a huge difference, but slightly.[/QUOTE]

But how? Granted they are giving birth, but it takes two, ya know?

[Strangely Brown]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Weve both kinda come to the conensus over many years that were probably were ogether int he first place for the wrong reaons....now we have irreconciable differences (at least to her...seems like I can put up with alot more than her)

I mean weve tried....things get better for a week then revert. Its a viscious rollercoaster. Aso her mood is so unpredictable sot hat doesnt help things. We can be getting along great and one off the cuff comment by me and she is fipping a tit.

I know the feeling bro. Marriage can be really hard. At a point in your marriage you need to let go of all past resentments and focus on moving forward. This takes 100% committment to the marriage by both party's.

You should make a list, and have her do the same of all past things you are holding onto in your relationship, be honest, then share the lists.

What resentments do you have, what does she have. This helps you move past them.

Also, if she is really moody and unhappy, she sahould see a dr. Maybe she is depressed and taking it out on you.

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Truth Zeppelin...truth. Back read a bit and I think most of your questions you had for me are answered.....Anyways, Thanks everyone for your brutal honestly. I felt wierd hitting the submit button on this thread, not fully knowing if I would end up spilling my guts or not, but I did, and I feel 100% better for it. Im glad i let it all out there. Dare I say the process of gaining closure is beginning? Maybe......

If you ever need to talk...just pm me.
I'm in the same boat...with different circumstances.
I miss my children dearly, but I live 2 minutes away from them.

[aicdmb]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Truth Zeppelin...truth. Back read a bit and I think most of your questions you had for me are answered.....Anyways, Thanks everyone for your brutal honestly. I felt wierd hitting the submit button on this thread, not fully knowing if I would end up spilling my guts or not, but I did, and I feel 100% better for it. Im glad i let it all out there. Dare I say the process of gaining closure is beginning? Maybe......

Closure is her saying things like "if I fuck somebody else, you'll still fuck me". She thinks you will always be there, and takes major advantage of that. Theres millions of them out there who arent assholes, like youre portraying this one to be

[DMBZeppelin]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Truth Zeppelin...truth. Back read a bit and I think most of your questions you had for me are answered.....Anyways, Thanks everyone for your brutal honestly. I felt wierd hitting the submit button on this thread, not fully knowing if I would end up spilling my guts or not, but I did, and I feel 100% better for it. Im glad i let it all out there. Dare I say the process of gaining closure is beginning? Maybe......

I hope you can find that.

It's never easy when you're dealing with a situation like this, and have these sort of emotions involved. For as good as you may feel right now. When you're actually confronted with her you'll just as easily flip to the other side.

Just remember that you're most likely going to be miserable with her. So if you have to be miserable without her at least that has that option of eventually being happy with someone else.

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by Strangely Brown

I know the feeling bro. Marriage can be really hard. At a point in your marriage you need to let go of all past resentments and focus on moving forward. This takes 100% committment to the marriage by both party's.

You should make a list, and have her do the same of all past things you are holding onto in your relationship, be honest, then share the lists.

What resentments do you have, what does she have. This helps you move past them.

Also, if she is really moody and unhappy, she sahould see a dr. Maybe she is depressed and taking it out on you.

Gret advice man...im goign to do this!

[dontdrink36]

OP, you need to leave this relationship ASAP!

And serious question, during all this fucking that y'all are doing where are your kids?

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by dre2142

at what age

i also think a woman doing it is slightly different.....not a huge difference, but slightly.

She's beyond her child birthing years now..

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by smudge1

If you ever need to talk...just pm me.
I'm in the same boat...with different circumstances.
I miss my children dearly, but I live 2 minutes away from them.

You guys really are a caring bunch, arent you? Thank you again. I can not say it enough. Im beginning to sound like a broken record at this point, but I really do appreciate ya'll being there for me.

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by dontdrink36

OP, you need to leave this relationship ASAP!

And serious question, during all this fucking that y'all are doing where are your kids?

They were with grandparents.......we have a pretty good ebay business going and she invited me down to work on packaging some items up that had sold, I was standing by the sink, she grabbed my package through my jeans and just stuck her tounge in my mouth. It went straight to the bedroom after that......

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by DMBZeppelin

I hope you can find that.

It's never easy when you're dealing with a situation like this, and have these sort of emotions involved. For as good as you may feel right now. When you're actually confronted with her you'll just as easily flip to the other side.

Just remember that you're most likely going to be miserable with her. So if you have to be miserable without her at least that has that option of eventually being happy with someone else.

This may be inevitable.....but i hope in time it gets to be less and less......

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

You guys really are a caring bunch, arent you? Thank you again. I can not say it enough. Im beginning to sound like a broken record at this point, but I really do appreciate ya'll being there for me.

Oh..you got me wrong man.
I'm being nice because I can relate.

[Strangely Brown]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Gret advice man...im goign to do this!

Its a little scary to be honest. Fixing a relationship is really painful and a frustrating time.

[bustedstuff88]

Originally Posted by smudge1

Oh..you got me wrong man.
I'm being nice because I can relate.

Fair enough Smudge.....

[smudge1]

Originally Posted by bustedstuff88

Fair enough Smudge.....

I'm here if you need to talk though.

[atrippingbillie]

Bustedstuff

Fact - You do not think rationally when in love

Fact - Y'all both seem to have some critical issues (who doesn't) that yall need to work on. You can't make someone else truly happy till you love and are happy with yourself, so that goes for both of you

Fact - Space and time heals all

Take all that for what it is worth, they say it is better to love than not to have loved at all..

[whygohome?]

OP, I've been in a similar situation.

First off all, you need to get some friends. It's great that ants aren't being giant dicks for once and legitimately trying to help you but the fact is you are taking advice from complete strangers that only know about you what you've told us and we're basing our advice on that. You need to go to some local concerts, hit the bars (not to get trashed or fuck sluts, but meet other guys), go to sports events, go to the park, go somewhere where you can meet some actual people that can meet your kids and wife and give you actual advice.

All that said though clearly she is not mentally invested in you anymore and no matter what she says you have to move on. Absolutely no monogomous relationship that can be salvaged has ever had the sentence "you'll still fuck me if I fuck other people right?" included. Obviously that's not gonna be easy for you but take up some new hobbies, start spoiling your kids like crazy (amusement parks, Lego land type shit, zoos, etc) and don't worry about meeting a new girl right now. Youve got to fix you and your self image before you will ever get another girl that you want to actually be with.

First thing though: go get some real friends. Seriously. That part is easy as shit if you're not creepy and you have popular interests.

[atrippingbillie]

Originally Posted by whygohome?

OP, I've been in a similar situation.

First off all, you need to get some friends. It's great that ants aren't being giant dicks for once and legitimately trying to help you but the fact is you are taking advice from complete strangers that only know about you what you've told us and we're basing our advice on that. You need to go to some local concerts, hit the bars (not to get trashed or fuck sluts, but meet other guys), go to sports events, go to the park, go somewhere where you can meet some actual people that can meet your kids and wife and give you actual advice.

All that said though clearly she is not mentally invested in you anymore and no matter what she says you have to move on. Absolutely no monogomous relationship that can be salvaged has ever had the sentence "you'll still fuck me if I fuck other people right?" included. Obviously that's not gonna be easy for you but take up some new hobbies, start spoiling your kids like crazy (amusement parks, Lego land type shit, zoos, etc) and don't worry about meeting a new girl right now. Youve got to fix you and your self image before you will ever get another girl that you want to actually be with.

First thing though: go get some real friends. Seriously. That part is easy as shit if you're not creepy and you have popular interests.

boom, boom, and boom. To be real, this relationship will end one way or the other, no question. Time to look out for yourself and your kids.

[recentlyJTR41]

Originally Posted by defcon

Take whatever I say with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila because I'm a loser and currently am basically bi with a possibility of being straight again, whatever that means, but I have a good friend who was in a similar situation.

There seem to be two dilemmas here. It sounds more or less like you guys are FWBs who are married, despite whatever it was in the past. That's not something you should throw away especially because you are with child. I'm hesitant to tell you to change things because it might be for the worst, and I'm not a marriage counselor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.

The second dilemma is sexual gratification. Look, sex toys can enhance your life and hers. She told you she got one, have you suggested using it with her? Maybe some DP if she's into that? Or if she can take 8", she can probably take two in the pink if she doesn't like it in the stink. Or, don't take this the wrong way, maybe it's old for her, maybe it's just you, who knows, some women are fucking crazy. Some men are too, in the eyes of women.

My advice would be to wait until things are as good as they can get (or intervene if it's going progressively downhill) and have an honest, all-on-the-table, discussion. Ask her what she wants. Women feel that they serve men, but it's not 1950 anymore. Pamper her, give her concessions, but don't let her own you...and despite my previous divorce advice, it could be something as simple as a communication breakdown. Having the child complicates things and I think you should keep their best interests first.

If your heart to heart goes well with her, suggest marriage counseling. Some insurance or even local mental health clinics, churches, charities, offer it, cover it, etc. But don't forget yourself and your needs and wants.

My friend is married, with child, lives in FL while his wife lives in NY. They are friends, and both make good money. They decided to stay married for the benefits...taxes, what have you, I don't fully understand. They both have moved on relationship-wise, but it puts their new significant others in interesting positions. Basically, on paper, they're married, but otherwise, no. I told Dom that sooner or later something's going to come to a head because there are two other people to consider. In the end, I think they'll get back together.

I guess, for the TL/DR, you need to decide if the status quo is ok (it seems like it isn't) or there is a better potential outcome. Have you considered (since you still bang) spicing things up, such as suggested above, a threesome, or cuckolding...for some guys it's a huge blow to the ego but it can save a marriage. It kind of sounds to me like she has a large vagina and a voracious appetite, interpersonal issues aside.

Just my best attempt at helping...

:: starts slow clap ::

[whygohome?]

Wait, defcon is bisexual now? His sexual exploits need their own thread, I would pay to read those stories

[bustedstuff88]

Well.......

I called her after her shift ended and just asked her if she saw any hope of salvaging this marriage. I told her im drawing the line in the sand. I told her no matter how long it takes, I would wait for her if she promises to do the same for me, but I told her if she even thinks that fucking some other dude is what she want, then tell me, so we can just make it official and end it. She then said "well im not just some slut whos going to go around and fuck everybody!!! My jack rabbit is all I need!" but then I countered with the comment she said in the bedroom.....and she said she "wasnt being seroius!"...well to her credit, she may be right, shes been known to say crazy shit in bed, and i was more than likely blinded by lust....it was an extremely passionite night.

So I just reiterated that if she wanted to wait for me I would do the same. She just got mad and said "I dont know....Im not going to talk about this right now with you....ive had a stressful enough day as it is"...We hung up with out saying goodbye. I just texted her and said when she makes her mind up to let me know.

At least all my cards are on the table. It's her turn now to make the next move. The fact that she said "I dont know" is pointing me in the direction that shes not going to wait, but maybe shes just speaking out of anger.