Dating is miserable

[TheLastStop123]

another note on the whole talking to an ex thing - from my experience, (and as unfair as it may be) it really just comes down to the girl. some girls are okay with it, some aren't and never will be, regardless of the situation and what happened in the previous relationship with the ex.

[SmoothG]

Originally Posted by redsox14

So I broke it off with a guy in early August . I think I had mentioned it in this thread. Just wasn't feeling it. No chemistry. When we broke it off I said we could be friends but he said that would be too hard. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He text me saying that was a mistake and he wants to be friends if I'm still ok with it. So that was fine. Last Thursday night I got home from work to a letter. He mailed me an old fashioned letter. It was a full page saying how after we talked and I broke things off he thought about it a lot and how he should have done things differently and he had been holding back because he was scared. He asked me if I would give him one more chance.

So now I'm mulling that over...

I'd move on. If there was no chemistry before, what makes you think there will be now?

[SmoothG]

Whats the word in here? Any stories?

Same same for me...which means nada. Its been years since ive been on a date, and ive been happy with being single, but for some reason, lately ive been really keen on actually trying to find someone. Would actually be nice to share something special, instead of fwb or booty calls...which are also very welcome! My problem is that with grey hair and beard I attract the late 30s to 50s women, wheras I prefer the 27ish to mid 30s. Is it wrong that I find it weird to date someone 5 years older (40)...but no problem with 30 or even 20 if its just for fun. 35 is a good age because you can dip into the younger pool or crazy cougars. Also, I have to accept that many women I meet are divorced, have kids or are just looking to marry anyone not retarded just so they can not be the only single friend/family member.

The more i typed that out, the more it seems maybe dating is miserable! No one wouldnever of accuse me of being shy, but first dates and approaching women I dont know, makes me so uncomfortable! Im a bit of an aquired taste...I like knowing someone and being friends before dating.

Updates!

[Roose13]

Sounds like online is your best route for sure. Better way to find people who are serious about dating and to know some basic stuff about them before hitting it off via messages and such before the actual first date. It worked for me a couple years ago (then 25) so it's not just something for older people either.

[bartender_man]

Smooth-Also try meetup.com-good way to meet people without the pressure of the online dating.

[spoot388]

about 2 weeks ago i ended up sitting next to this hot black chick at work who i never really sat near/talked to because we were on different teams and open space is scarce. but we ended up sitting near each other a few times that week and talked a bit. last week we talked a some more but it was a bit odd because she all of a sudden seemed so interested to talk to me after weeks of really never speaking. then there was one day where she went to throw out a paper towel or something and it bounces off the edge of the trash bin even though she was like 3 feet away from it. it was right by where i was sitting and i jokingly yelled out "Kobe!" she came over laughing and saying she hoped nobody saw that and while laughing about it, she put her hand and forehead on my shoulder. i was a little caught off guard by the close contact because barely a week before we just talked for the first time, and its at work. its not like its been a week of dating and texting. i just found out last night from a friend from work that this girl likes tall white guys (im 6'3) and is looking for a guy. then it all made more sense. aaaaaaaand of course this week i start training for a different department and won't see her like i usually would, so we'll see what happens.

[bartender_man]

Originally Posted by spoot388

about 2 weeks ago i ended up sitting next to this hot black chick at work who i never really sat near/talked to because we were on different teams and open space is scarce. but we ended up sitting near each other a few times that week and talked a bit. last week we talked a some more but it was a bit odd because she all of a sudden seemed so interested to talk to me after weeks of really never speaking. then there was one day where she went to throw out a paper towel or something and it bounces off the edge of the trash bin even though she was like 3 feet away from it. it was right by where i was sitting and i jokingly yelled out "Kobe!" she came over laughing and saying she hoped nobody saw that and while laughing about it, she put her hand and forehead on my shoulder. i was a little caught off guard by the close contact because barely a week before we just talked for the first time, and its at work. its not like its been a week of dating and texting. i just found out last night from a friend from work that this girl likes tall white guys (im 6'3) and is looking for a guy. then it all made more sense. aaaaaaaand of course this week i start training for a different department and won't see her like i usually would, so we'll see what happens.

Best of luck

[Speilmen230]

Go get you sum, spoot.

[spoot388]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Go get you sum, spoot.

i don't think she is on ants, otherwise i'd just PM her

[Speilmen230]

Damn shame.

[SmoothG]

Originally Posted by bartender_man

Smooth-Also try meetup.com-good way to meet people without the pressure of the online dating.

I went on one online date and it was the weirdest thing ever. But ill check this out. Met a kiwi chick yesterday so well see how it goes.

Originally Posted by spoot388

about 2 weeks ago i ended up sitting next to this hot black chick at work who i never really sat near/talked to because we were on different teams and open space is scarce. but we ended up sitting near each other a few times that week and talked a bit. last week we talked a some more but it was a bit odd because she all of a sudden seemed so interested to talk to me after weeks of really never speaking. then there was one day where she went to throw out a paper towel or something and it bounces off the edge of the trash bin even though she was like 3 feet away from it. it was right by where i was sitting and i jokingly yelled out "Kobe!" she came over laughing and saying she hoped nobody saw that and while laughing about it, she put her hand and forehead on my shoulder. i was a little caught off guard by the close contact because barely a week before we just talked for the first time, and its at work. its not like its been a week of dating and texting. i just found out last night from a friend from work that this girl likes tall white guys (im 6'3) and is looking for a guy. then it all made more sense. aaaaaaaand of course this week i start training for a different department and won't see her like i usually would, so we'll see what happens.

Update...?

[spoot388]

Originally Posted by SmoothG

I went on one online date and it was the weirdest thing ever. But ill check this out. Met a kiwi chick yesterday so well see how it goes.



Update...?

not really. i started going through training last week to work in a different department so i haven't really had a chance to talk to her at all. there was one day where i had to talk to her about something work related and then got to talk to her for a few minutes about other stuff, but thats about it. cliff notes: 21, pre-med, wants to be a surgeon, likes sports

i still have 2 more weeks of training before i get back to a set schedule. at this point, i don't even know when i'll be working, so its hard think of anything to plan. as of right now, with me in training, we work kind of opposite schedules. i've learned to not get my hopes up about anything, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

[Speilmen230]

You gotta go make a move, brah. Next time you see her just ask her out to coffee or lunch or something comparably casual.

[fridge112887]

Girls are a handful, at least the ones I'm interested in

After giving my good friend a hard time about dating her younger sister for the last two years, I finally grew a pair and asked her out. We converse back and forth via text for about two weeks before we went on an actual date (she left for South Carolina for a weekend and I was in Minnesota for Thanksgiving). We both have similar personalities and are interested in a lot of the same things. Last Tuesday I took her out to eat and we stopped by a close bar for a few drinks. Before we had already left the bar she had invited me out for her birthday and asked ME on a second date. I saw her again that Thursday as we went out for a late brunch and we went to a few shops nearby. I then went out with her, her sister and her boyfriend, and my good friend and his girlfriend this past Saturday. As we go to leave, she more less invites herself to stay over, which I agree with (the previous night she had sent me a text while at work that read "omg I'm the horniest person alive right now"). I'm not one to advance things quickly but she has a history of being with her share of guys and after that text I thought I was in the clear.

We didn't sleep together because I wasn't equipped with the necessary tools (oops) but she left the next day on good terms. Since then, I've barely heard from the girl. With a blink of an eye, she has all but disappeared. Dumb girls.

[Speilmen230]

Yikes. That just sounds like way full throttle then nothing at all.

[dmbetc]

I feel as if I am crippled in getting back into the dating game. The anxiety of it all is just overpowering me. I've never really "dated". Most of my relationships blossomed out of friendships or thru acquaintances. Thinking back to how I have met past hook ups or relationships is pretty comical actually.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by Speilmen230

Yikes. That just sounds like way full throttle then nothing at all.

She definitely did. She had already invited me over for her birthday and started talking to me about New Years. I wasn't fond of her past history and I heard from her sister that she's looking to be taken care of and wants to be a trophy wife, but I wanted to find out for myself.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

I feel as if I am crippled in getting back into the dating game. The anxiety of it all is just overpowering me. I've never really "dated". Most of my relationships blossomed out of friendships or thru acquaintances. Thinking back to how I have met past hook ups or relationships is pretty comical actually.

I feel this is the best way to go. I've dated my share of duds, but the least appalling were ones I knew in advance.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

I feel this is the best way to go. I've dated my share of duds, but the least appalling were ones I knew in advance.

Yeah I know, but it's hard to muster those up. Especially that I am in a place in my life right now where I don't know a lot of people. Meeting new people has never been my strong suit.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Yeah I know, but it's hard to muster those up. Especially that I am in a place in my life right now where I don't know a lot of people. Meeting new people has never been my strong suit.

I'm right there with you. Most of my friends are in serious relationships/married so these people have no ambition to go out and do exciting things. I don't go to bars (not that I'd want to meet somewhere there) and the gym is creepy IMO. I pretty much stick to my close group of boring friends. Do you at least live in an area with a lot going on?

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

I'm right there with you. Most of my friends are in serious relationships/married so these people have no ambition to go out and do exciting things. I don't go to bars (not that I'd want to meet somewhere there) and the gym is creepy IMO. I pretty much stick to my close group of boring friends. Do you at least live in an area with a lot going on?

Yeah I am in Los Angeles. So there's really no excuse, just my crippling anxiety!

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Yeah I am in Los Angeles. So there's really no excuse, just my crippling anxiety!

Again, know how you feel. I'm rather shy so when I get the nerve to talk to someone, I nearly piss myself.

The previous winners I've been with make me want to avoid the female sex and lock myself into the house. Girls are vicious

[tyler3440]

Originally Posted by fridge112887

I'm right there with you. Most of my friends are in serious relationships/married so these people have no ambition to go out and do exciting things. I don't go to bars (not that I'd want to meet somewhere there) and the gym is creepy IMO. I pretty much stick to my close group of boring friends. Do you at least live in an area with a lot going on?

Haha the gym is creepy as fuck lol. I do see some pretty girls there but it's impossible to talk to a girl there without it being creepy.

If someone knows a non creepy way to talk to a girl at the gym please tell me.

[fridge112887]

Originally Posted by tyler3440

Haha the gym is creepy as fuck lol. I do see some pretty girls there but it's impossible to talk to a girl there without it being creepy.

If someone knows a non creepy way to talk to a girl at the gym please tell me.

There is no "non creepy" way to go about it. Most just want to go to the gym and be left alone to do their own thing. The ones that want to be noticed will make it known.

[Rodey]

Been seeing this new girl for almost a month now. We get along really well and she actually has time for me. Like, a lot of time. We have been seeing each other a lot. I really like her and I enjoy spending time with her, but every once in a blue moon, I just start thinking about my ex and I'm not sure what it means/what to do about it. Like, I'm over her and if she were to come back now and try to talk to me, I'd be really hesitant to do so. I don't know what's holding me back from moving ahead with this girl, but it's something and I feel really guilty about it. Like, there are some areas in which she far surpasses my ex, but other areas in which I feel she falls short. I don't know, it's just confusing. Maybe it's too soon, I don't know.

[dmbetc]

Step 1: stop comparing her to your ex

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Step 1: stop comparing her to your ex

Right, I know this.

But, like, I don't know if I like her because I actually like her or if I like her because I'm seeking comfort. I feel like it's the former, but I don't know...

[Speilmen230]

What Sarah said.

If you like the girl, you like her. I wouldn't brood too much on the proverbial checklist. Let it flow.

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Right, I know this.

But, like, I don't know if I like her because I actually like her or if I like her because I'm seeking comfort. I feel like it's the former, but I don't know...

Don't analyze it so much. I know that is easier said than done, but it's just going to drive you crazy.

If you enjoy hanging out and she's making you happy then don't make it a big deal or feel you have to label it all. There's no right or wrong time for getting over someone and moving on.

It's natural to think about your ex, feel confused. Just don't let it drown you.

[Rodey]

It's just weird. I really enjoy my time with her, but, for example, I stayed over at her place Friday and Saturday night this past weekend. On Sunday, I woke up and was just in this strange mood. For no particular reason, I just started comparing/thinking about my ex. I can't even answer why, I just did. This new girl, at least to this point, is far more catering to what I'm looking for than my ex, yet I still find myself looking back.

I'm not sure if it's because my ex was my longest relationship and we did discuss the long-term future or what, but the past is clearly messing with me and I don't want it to.