Lowest point in your life? - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 08-06-2021, 07:05 PM   #1
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Lowest point in your life?

So I just dropped out of medical school for various reasons (non-academic).

Feeling pretty crummy about the future and generally about myself. What is/are some of the lowest points you've faced and made it through?
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  • Old 08-06-2021, 07:23 PM   #2
    Erich
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Due to my alcoholism, I've been in the psych ward a few times, not knowing if my marriage would still be there when I got out.

    It's gotten way better.
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    Old 08-06-2021, 07:28 PM   #3
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    I had to drop out of college back in 09 due to mental health problems, have been in and out of psych wards, eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. things have steadied a bit in the last few years but I had a rocky period that I don't like to talk about too much. things can get better from very low points, trust me.
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    Old 08-06-2021, 07:33 PM   #4
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    19 year old brother committed suicide, I was 30 I think at the time. My dad and sister found him at their house. I'll never forget the call around 3AM, and most of what happened that day and week is forever etched into my brain.

    My dad and sister spent the week at my house, in shock. I took care of all the funeral stuff (how could my dad do that), so I had to basically set everything aside for a week, except the few alone times (and they were bad). Once that was over and my dad and sister went home it was tough for about a year. Randomly pulling off to the side of the road to cry, heavy drinking (I still drink more and have more anger issues than I used to). Honestly, as corny as it sounds it was my wife, her family that really helped me get through it.

    I'm not a faithful person, not at all, but some divine intervention as well. My wife and I tried to get pregnant for 10 months. It was becoming really stressful, and she went on fertility medication. She finally got pregnant, and her conception date is the day of my brother's death. We obviously didn't hook up that day, the "conception date" is simply the first day of the cycle I guess, but it happened to be THAT day, of all days. That's gotta mean something.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 02:09 AM   #5
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    If you're still interested in medicine, honestly this may be a blessing. So many people in dark places while doing residency and in insane debt while dealing with COVID. So many physicians would encourage going the PA route these days b/c the return on investment on finishing med school/residency/loss of earning potential during all that training is not worth it. You can make a good salary as a physician, but it's really hard to become wealthy as a physician.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 05:19 AM   #6
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Erich View Post
    Due to my alcoholism, I've been in the psych ward a few times, not knowing if my marriage would still be there when I got out.

    It's gotten way better.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TwoStep2888 View Post
    I had to drop out of college back in 09 due to mental health problems, have been in and out of psych wards, eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. things have steadied a bit in the last few years but I had a rocky period that I don't like to talk about too much. things can get better from very low points, trust me.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smokew11 View Post
    19 year old brother committed suicide, I was 30 I think at the time. My dad and sister found him at their house. I'll never forget the call around 3AM, and most of what happened that day and week is forever etched into my brain.

    My dad and sister spent the week at my house, in shock. I took care of all the funeral stuff (how could my dad do that), so I had to basically set everything aside for a week, except the few alone times (and they were bad). Once that was over and my dad and sister went home it was tough for about a year. Randomly pulling off to the side of the road to cry, heavy drinking (I still drink more and have more anger issues than I used to). Honestly, as corny as it sounds it was my wife, her family that really helped me get through it.

    I'm not a faithful person, not at all, but some divine intervention as well. My wife and I tried to get pregnant for 10 months. It was becoming really stressful, and she went on fertility medication. She finally got pregnant, and her conception date is the day of my brother's death. We obviously didn't hook up that day, the "conception date" is simply the first day of the cycle I guess, but it happened to be THAT day, of all days. That's gotta mean something.
    Thank you all for sharing. Amazing how interacting with each other online, you would never know of/imagine the highs and lows behind the username.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by iMAC386 View Post
    If you're still interested in medicine, honestly this may be a blessing. So many people in dark places while doing residency and in insane debt while dealing with COVID. So many physicians would encourage going the PA route these days b/c the return on investment on finishing med school/residency/loss of earning potential during all that training is not worth it. You can make a good salary as a physician, but it's really hard to become wealthy as a physician.
    For me it was never really about money. Sure that was a perk. I have a family and a wife who is pregnant and so the weight of it all just caught up with me. We'll see how things turn out.
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    My most blunt advice would be to stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself -
    You're living in an imaginary mental prison of your own creation.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 07:41 AM   #7
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    I used to teach high school social science. I lost my job after two years due to budget cuts. Did some long term sub gigs for two years, barely making enough money to get by, second and third jobs. The next year, I got hired on in a part-time teaching position in a good district. Busted my ass, taught sunset school for them. A full-time position opened up, I basically had to interview again for my job and they gave it to someone who used to teach at the school and wanted to come back. It was pretty depressing because if I couldn't get hired full-time at that point, how was I ever going to get a teaching job again? Got my current job about 9 months later (not in education).
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    Old 08-07-2021, 08:17 AM   #8
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    The 2 worse days of my life were very similar, although they happened 8 years apart.

    In 2009, holding my father's hand when his life ended, a victim of cancer. The beep from the machine kept getting further & further apart, until there was no more beep. It had taken many hours to get to his side - he lived about 1500 miles away, and he passed away just a few hours after I got there. He never got to meet any of his grandchildren.

    About 8 years later, it was clear that my mother's days were likely limited, also a victim of cancer. She lived about 2000 miles the other way, but I had been there for a few days. Due to the experience with my father, I kind of knew what was coming & approximately when. I was also able to hold her hand her hand as she took her final breath.

    I miss them both terribly.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 08:26 AM   #9
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    I was 25 and living in Charlotte in late 2010, got fired from my job for blowing up at my supervisors be cause I was sick of getting screwed over (long story). Had no money, my roommates said they were going to kick me out because I couldn't pay rent for the second straight month. Couldn't find a job because the job market was still down from the Great Recession. Called my mom crying my eyes out and moved back home to Virginia. Restarted my life there, would move to Florida a little over a year later, and while it hasn't been perfect since then, it's been a steady improvement ever since. I think the absolute worst moment was my debit card getting rejected while trying to get a $5 lunch at a KFC, and the girl at the window saw my desperation and just let me have my meal for free.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 09:33 AM   #10
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    looking back, what helped you get through the difficult time(s)? Therapy? friends? solitude? random/unexpected/unforeseen occurrences? Staying busy?

    I think i believed my life meant something before this/had some purpose. Now I am realizing maybe life really has no meaning and/or my life really adds nothing beyond maybe being a father. Maybe (?) not a bad thing, but living like this is certainly not as exciting.
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    My most blunt advice would be to stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself -
    You're living in an imaginary mental prison of your own creation.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 09:38 AM   #11
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dmbdreamingtree View Post
    looking back, what helped you get through the difficult time(s)? Therapy? friends? solitude? random/unexpected/unforeseen occurrences? Staying busy?
    Therapy, medication, and love from the people that matter. It still left a lot of scar tissue, though. But now my wife is cool leaving me alone for a few days with the dog, not worried that I'll drink.
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    Old 08-07-2021, 09:59 PM   #12
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    In late 2018 I became a above the knee amputee. I kind of figured once I was healed and fitted into my permanent prosthetic, I'd be able to get rid of my walker. Sadly I still need the walker and will probably need it to the day I pass away. That doesn't matter though. I can still work, but have limited duties. I can't do some of the other things I enjoyed in life, like bowling. But I'm ok with it. I'm still alive, and thats all that matters. Things may not be as good as they were ten years ago, but theres always the chance they can be just as good again. I'm willing to wait it out and see.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 12:30 AM   #13
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    There are numerous low points in my life, many I've blessedly forgotten. Can't put my finger on one and say it's the worst. There is a cumulative effect of weighing all the hardest chunks I went through and moments of peace I thought of as merely distractions at the time. Life is life and I should have enough dignity to be grateful for all of its rough grace. For my life is not yet over. Just another friendly reminder to myself.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 05:51 AM   #14
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    I guess the lowest would be attempting suicide. But it has competition.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 07:46 AM   #15
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    thanks to everyone for sharing your experience(s). there is resilience in each user's post.

    hope to see you all on that side of things.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by M. Steng View Post
    My most blunt advice would be to stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself -
    You're living in an imaginary mental prison of your own creation.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 05:10 PM   #16
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dmbdreamingtree View Post
    So I just dropped out of medical school for various reasons (non-academic).

    Feeling pretty crummy about the future and generally about myself. What is/are some of the lowest points you've faced and made it through?
    So earlier in the year I decided to get a full-time doctor. This is the first doctor patient professional relationship I've had since I was a child and was forced to do it. I figured since I'm approaching 40 it's about that time and I have insurance so why not?

    Come to find out we have a mutual acquaintance who I worked for in the past who did his residency with my doc. So I go to doctor once a month because the covid vaccine basically made my heart blow up, and by that I mean it caused me to have an enlarged heart. The good news is that I can basically live with it. But now I have to carry something in my wallet stating that I have it for some reason. Also I have to drastically change the way I do everything health-wise and I am working on it.

    Long story short, don't sweat it. Don't be like my doctor and go through all that s*** to figure out that you don't want to be a doctor. Whatever Noble conceptions you have of the profession you don't know whether you like something until you're doing it. Imagine spending half a million dollars on an education for a line of work that it turns out you hate.

    The rest of us out here if we start a job we hate or even get a degree in a discipline we hate, we probably aren't out as much money as we would be if we were a doctor or lawyer. Or put another way if we start a job we hate we can always leave.

    I think we need to think the way we do professional degrees. Instead of someone taking out a bunch of debt or someone else investing in them to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars, why not just have pre-med be literally some sort of apprenticeship for a doctor? I mean that's the way it used to be done. And it is still possible to become a lawyer through an apprenticeship.

    When greed and education mixed it was just a bad idea. It got worse in the seventies when student loans were invented. Now we have institutions with fancy buildings and facilities, subpar instruction and it's just a waste of money. So perk up. Maybe change the way you think about things and realize that every second you're alive is another passing chance to turn it all around.

    On some real s*** though, I've been trying to turn s*** around for 13 years and other than making a little bit more money, I still plan to blow my f****** brains out when my parents pass if nothing else changes. Pretty much sticking around on this Earth for them. I keep the bullet I plan to use in my junk drawer. Don't worry. I'm okay for now. I'm hoping in the meantime my life will change and I'm trying to manifest good things but realistically if it hasn't changed in 13 years other than some more income I don't think it's going to change at all.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 06:00 PM   #17
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dmbdreamingtree View Post
    So I just dropped out of medical school for various reasons (non-academic).

    Feeling pretty crummy about the future and generally about myself. What is/are some of the lowest points you've faced and made it through?
    Feel free to PM me, I took an extended leave of absence from medical school.

    It was after my preclinical years as I was studying for step 1. My personal life felt like it was in shambles and I was struggling with depression at the time. I made the decision to take a year off and work on things in my life/on myself. It was tough to set aside my pride explain to my cohort that I was struggling/would be falling back.

    I know the mentality of medical students, and this is likely the first time in your life that you have felt like you've failed. Give yourself some time to grieve but know that this is just a bump in the road and success does not have to be linear. Like I said please do not hesitate to reach out.
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    Old 08-08-2021, 06:23 PM   #18
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Hey, OP. i can relate to some of the feelings you are feeling, though for different reasons. feel free to shoot a PM

    glad to see that so many ants here have persevered
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    Old 08-08-2021, 08:10 PM   #19
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    Re: Lowest point in your life?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TrampledUnderw. View Post
    Feel free to PM me, I took an extended leave of absence from medical school.

    It was after my preclinical years as I was studying for step 1. My personal life felt like it was in shambles and I was struggling with depression at the time. I made the decision to take a year off and work on things in my life/on myself. It was tough to set aside my pride explain to my cohort that I was struggling/would be falling back.

    I know the mentality of medical students, and this is likely the first time in your life that you have felt like you've failed. Give yourself some time to grieve but know that this is just a bump in the road and success does not have to be linear. Like I said please do not hesitate to reach out.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cry_minarets458 View Post
    Hey, OP. i can relate to some of the feelings you are feeling, though for different reasons. feel free to shoot a PM

    glad to see that so many ants here have persevered
    thank you both for the messages. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and figure things out, but I have hope it will all be ok. I may take you up and reach out if I have any questions.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by defcon View Post

    On some real s*** though, I've been trying to turn s*** around for 13 years and other than making a little bit more money, I still plan to blow my f****** brains out when my parents pass if nothing else changes. Pretty much sticking around on this Earth for them. I keep the bullet I plan to use in my junk drawer. Don't worry. I'm okay for now. I'm hoping in the meantime my life will change and I'm trying to manifest good things but realistically if it hasn't changed in 13 years other than some more income I don't think it's going to change at all.
    I read this and can't help but imagine someone who is unhappy and/or dissatisfied with aspects of their life. It sounds like you have persevered and I hope you and I and all of us come to understand that we are all needed in our time and place here, even if we can't see it at times. Reaching out tonight to say I hope you empty out the contents of that drawer into the trash. Thank you for your message and be well.
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    Quote:
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    My most blunt advice would be to stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself -
    You're living in an imaginary mental prison of your own creation.
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