Dating is miserable

[bamadavefan15]

Originally Posted by jen1jeff

I'm a bit concerned that if you're this worried about the exclusive thing then are there other areas that you are showing insecurities.

What are you his doctor? Lulz this one cracks me up.

[gonz085]

After rereading everything this morning, I think you should just not say anything Rodey. Exclusivity has nothingto do with achieving sum. At all. If she wants you, it will happen on its own. Has 0 to do with being official or not.

[cazzie34]

4 dates and no sex or anything beyond a makeout session? I'd keep it casual and not say anything. If you want to be exclusive, fine. You do that and stop seeing other people No reason to jump into boyfriend/girlfriend so quickly and force her hand.

[UNC41]

Just a makeout session? It's almost always too early to have the exclusivity talk if that is all that has happened.

[Tiduwho]

Alternate theory:

She is taking it slow with you because she has someone that she's more serious with (may already be sleeping with) and would feel guilty to go any farther with you until she sorts out what she wants to do.

The point? Either way, you're at the mercy of her decisions and feelings. Your short term future is subject to what she wants to do.

Can't let women put you in that situation. Ideally you confidently date until she asks to be exclusive with you. I don't think you have to say nothing, but make sure its casual and in passing so your body language isn't "I'm committed to you so...I sure hope you're committed to me too".

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

4 dates and no sex or anything beyond a makeout session? I'd keep it casual and not say anything. If you want to be exclusive, fine. You do that and stop seeing other people No reason to jump into boyfriend/girlfriend so quickly and force her hand.

You're making it sound like four dates is an eternity to not have sex. I don't agree at all.

That said, I think I'm going to attempt to escalate things in a different way by just saying I've really been enjoying spending time with her and asking what she thinks about seeing each other more often.

[cazzie34]

Originally Posted by Rodey

You're making it sound like four dates is an eternity to not have sex. I don't agree at all.

That said, I think I'm going to attempt to escalate things in a different way by just saying I've really been enjoying spending time with her and asking what she thinks about seeing each other more often.

I'm not saying that 4 dates is an eternity to not have sex. I'm saying that telling someone we are exclusive after only 4 dates without any sort of grownup intimacy is premature.

and to your plan. The natural progression should be that you see each other more often. But maybe instead of asking just start doing. What I mean by that is instead of having a conversation about hanging out more just start asking her to hang out more. So if right now you only plan something once a week, plan something 2-3 days in the future. Then repeat. Have a late night hang out where you say she can spend the night if she wants.

It'll suck though because she is in law school so as the semester goes on her busyness will increase. Watch out for that and don't get too pot-committed.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by Tiduwho

Alternate theory:

She is taking it slow with you because she has someone that she's more serious with (may already be sleeping with) and would feel guilty to go any farther with you until she sorts out what she wants to do.

The point? Either way, you're at the mercy of her decisions and feelings. Your short term future is subject to what she wants to do.

Can't let women put you in that situation. Ideally you confidently date until she asks to be exclusive with you. I don't think you have to say nothing, but make sure its casual and in passing so your body language isn't "I'm committed to you so...I sure hope you're committed to me too".

Don't agree with the bolded at all. Nothing that says the man can't make the suggestion.

[jen1jeff]

Originally Posted by bamadavefan15

What are you his doctor? Lulz this one cracks me up.

LMAO. Nope. Just trying to help the guy out.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

I'm not saying that 4 dates is an eternity to not have sex. I'm saying that telling someone we are exclusive after only 4 dates without any sort of grownup intimacy is premature.

and to your plan. The natural progression should be that you see each other more often. But maybe instead of asking just start doing. What I mean by that is instead of having a conversation about hanging out more just start asking her to hang out more. So if you only plan something once a week, plan something for 2-3 days in the future.

It'll suck though because she is in law school so as the semester goes on her busyness will increase. Watch out for that and don't get too pot-committed.

I guess I had a different view on what I was initially planning on saying, but I don't deny it could be construed as telling someone we should be exclusive.

If tomorrow were to pick up where it left off and sexy time occurred, I definitely do not think it's unreasonable to suggest exclusivity then (obviously not immediately post-coital ).

I am not going to continually see/sleep with someone who still wants to date other dudes. That's just not how I do things.

[sbuzzz]

I say just buy a ring and propose to her. Flip the game on its ass.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by sbuzzz

I say just buy a ring and propose to her. Flip the game on its ass.

I'd go with a Ring Pop.

[sbuzzz]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I'd go with a Ring Pop.

Whatever is special for the two of you.

[Roose13]

Originally Posted by Rodey

Don't agree with the bolded at all. Nothing that says the man can't make the suggestion.

I made the suggestion twice to my girl. The first was after about a month of dating and she said she wants to take it nice and slow, but we were exclusive. The following month I asked again and she was ready for the title.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by Roose13

I made the suggestion twice to my girl. The first was after about a month of dating and she said she wants to take it nice and slow, but we were exclusive. The following month I asked again and she was ready for the title.

How many dates had you been on in that month?

I think part of why I am even considering mentioning it is because it feels like I've been on more than four due to the communication in between. Most often in the past it's been simple calls/texts to confirm date times.

[Alazais]

A girl in my office that we all hate has a boyfriend. They've been together for like 4 or 5 years. They are also going away to New York this weekend. She thinks he is proposing to her. So much so that she has used her Work E-mail to organize her wedding. Her e-mails log in our system for EVERYONE to see.

The dude hasn't proposed and she is trying to book weekends in 2016. Holy fuck. Get off the crazy train.

We all secretly believe he is going to leave her at the altar. I recognize it makes us terrible people but she is insufferable. It's insane.

[dmbmuskie]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I'm pretty sure most women want to hear the, "I'm only dating you" thing before banging. At least that's what I've usually found.

You date some prudes.

[Roose13]

Originally Posted by Rodey

How many dates had you been on in that month?

I think part of why I am even considering mentioning it is because it feels like I've been on more than four due to the communication in between. Most often in the past it's been simple calls/texts to confirm date times.

Oh man, I think we'd been hanging out and dating 2-3x a week. It was easy because we live so close. There was only distance between date 1 and 2 because she was visiting her family.

She actually made time in her schedule to go out with me on a first date before she left so she wouldn't make me wait. That was the first little hint that I got that she was going to invest time in getting to know me.

[cry_minarets458]

So, the ex friend requested me on fb yesterday. I didn't do anything with it--just let it sit there in my request box. Received another notification tonight that she wanted to be y friend. Apparently, she canceled the request then resubmitted it? Bc that's the only way to get a new notification. Like wtf. Still haven't said a word to her in over 2 weeks now

[dmbetc]

Originally Posted by cry_minarets458

So, the ex friend requested me on fb yesterday. I didn't do anything with it--just let it sit there in my request box. Received another notification tonight that she wanted to be y friend. Apparently, she canceled the request then resubmitted it? Bc that's the only way to get a new notification. Like wtf. Still haven't said a word to her in over 2 weeks now

She wants to FB stalk you to see if the reason you're not responding is because of a new lady friend.

[Rodey]

Just delete all my posts from earlier this week, Sarah.

[thechad90000]

Dammit Jordan what the hell happened?

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by thechad90000

Dammit Jordan what the hell happened?

I created unnecessary anxiety for myself all week is what happened.

[thechad90000]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I created unnecessary anxiety for myself all week is what happened.

Stop being cryptic.

[Rodey]

I took the go with the flow/don't say anything advice, Chad. Only thing I mentioned was getting together more frequently. She agreed.

The night progressed and I didn't stay up until that hour on a work night to talk about life.

[dmbetc]

Jordan is the worst at details.

[thechad90000]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Jordan is the worst at details.

I use this thread as a way to vicariously love through others so I need details. Lol

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Jordan is the worst at details.

Mdrums ruined it for everyone with his talk of three-foot ropers.

[cazzie34]

Originally Posted by Rodey

I took the go with the flow/don't say anything advice, Chad. Only thing I mentioned was getting together more frequently. She agreed.

The night progressed and I didn't stay up until that hour on a work night to talk about life.

Nice.

That's how I would have handled it. Not to say I'm great with girls but glad to see it worked out. Keep playing it cool.

[Rodey]

I also seem to have won over one of her roommates, so that's always a positive.