Dating is miserable - Page 1588 - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 04-18-2016, 07:53 AM   #47611
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Re: Dating is miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speilmen230 View Post
All truth, Sarah. She just feels different. Thats the best way to describe it. When she texts me my heart flutters and each message means more than the regular run of the mill girls. I've been following her for 5 years. When I saw her I was dating another girl and asked her "who's that??" She's just been different than the others. I'm honestly OK with the idea of spinning out chasing after her. She's worth it in my mind. I've been with plenty of other girls since meeting her and none of them match up. Maybe I'm completely lost in a feeling and don't see the craziness in my ways, but right now she feels like the girl I could purpose to. I'm in love. I've been in love. When she was engaged to a girl and then fucking another dude in the other room in SD, it never changed my feelings. She's the one. I'll continue to chase her down until my heart gets shattered. That's all I really can do. I don't know how else to approach the situation. She owns my attention.
Just be careful. From your posts, it sounds like you are not going to give up on Houston until you end up with her or you reach an impenetrable brick wall.

I've been there. The summer between my first and second year of law school, I was totally and completely smitten with this girl I just happened to meet out at a restaurant. She was this gorgeous, raven-haired artsy girl that I'd been hoping to meet someday. We had some good times that summer, and I was hoping that even though I had to go back to law school out of state, we could make things work. I had the same feelings you did. Every time she'd send me a message, I'd get the butterflies. I ignored a bunch of red flags and continued to hope we could make it work. The thing is, she never wanted the same thing as me. And it took me a long time and a shattered heart to accept that. I eventually moved on and am better for it. The good news is that this girl and I remain friends to this day (not that we hang out much or anything.) She's married and I'm on my way to being married, to the girl who's truly the one. My point is, at some point, you need to make sure this Houston woman is on the same wavelength as you. You are young and at a great time in your life. Don't spend more time than you have to trying to make this work.

In other news, I really am on my way to being married. My lady and I are engaged (I'll spare the gooey details)! It's a great and wild trip, let me tell you.
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  • Old 04-18-2016, 11:09 AM   #47612
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speilmen230 View Post
    All truth, Sarah. She just feels different. Thats the best way to describe it. When she texts me my heart flutters and each message means more than the regular run of the mill girls. I've been following her for 5 years. When I saw her I was dating another girl and asked her "who's that??" She's just been different than the others. I'm honestly OK with the idea of spinning out chasing after her. She's worth it in my mind. I've been with plenty of other girls since meeting her and none of them match up. Maybe I'm completely lost in a feeling and don't see the craziness in my ways, but right now she feels like the girl I could purpose to. I'm in love. I've been in love. When she was engaged to a girl and then fucking another dude in the other room in SD, it never changed my feelings. She's the one. I'll continue to chase her down until my heart gets shattered. That's all I really can do. I don't know how else to approach the situation. She owns my attention.

    I think you need to try to set aside what you feel and try to analyze the situation from the outside, man. What has she done to show that she has any sort of romantic interest in you (other than when you made out or whatever)? From what I recall about this, she's basically done nothing to show any sort of reciprocation of any feeling remotely close to a romantic interest.

    You seem to be an escape for her when something goes shitty in her life. You keep saying, "I'm going to chase her until my hear gets shattered," but the problem is your heart isn't going to get shattered because you keep putting a spin on the situation that always caters to you giving it another shot.

    She was engaged - didn't break your heart.
    She banged another dude in front of you - didn't break your heart.

    What would break your heart, man? Sorry, I really wish this would work for you but, from an outside perspective, it's just not going to.
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    Old 04-18-2016, 11:12 AM   #47613
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    And no other girl is ever going to match up. Ever. (which is unhealthy too, comparing real life girls to this fantasy girl) Because you have not to deal with any of the "shit" with this girl.
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    Old 04-18-2016, 02:10 PM   #47614
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Originally Posted by Rodey View Post
    I think you need to try to set aside what you feel and try to analyze the situation from the outside, man. What has she done to show that she has any sort of romantic interest in you (other than when you made out or whatever)? From what I recall about this, she's basically done nothing to show any sort of reciprocation of any feeling remotely close to a romantic interest.

    You seem to be an escape for her when something goes shitty in her life. You keep saying, "I'm going to chase her until my hear gets shattered," but the problem is your heart isn't going to get shattered because you keep putting a spin on the situation that always caters to you giving it another shot.

    She was engaged - didn't break your heart.
    She banged another dude in front of you - didn't break your heart.

    What would break your heart, man? Sorry, I really wish this would work for you but, from an outside perspective, it's just not going to.
    We hooked up when I last visited in August, definitely past make out stage.

    I honestly don't know what would get me to turn off from her. That's part of what makes her so different. I would never put up with any of this shit from any other girl. The minute a girl bangs another dude in the next room, that would kill it for me. It really only fueled my fire. Especially because it was the first time I had seen her with a man. When she lived here in cincy she was dating and then later got engaged to a girl. Obviously at that point she seemed like the unicorn because she was "gay."

    I'm OK with waiting. It hasn't stopped me from dating in the mean time. I really try hard to be open-minded when I meet someone new, but rarely do the sparks fly. And as shallow as it sounds, I've yet to really meet anyone who is anywhere near as attractive as her. She's the type I would consider to be out of my league.

    It also doesn't take any effort to stay "in" her life. A text conversation here and there every few days and maybe a phone call once a month. It's not like I'm putting a bunch of time and effort into her.

    And what gives me hope is that the tone of our conversations have shifted dramatically in the last 3 months. She never used to reach out and say she misses me or wished I was there. She does it quite often now. I think my moving to Denver has her thinking about the possibility of relocating there. I'm obviously not going to move to Houston for her, so it's all in her court.
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    Old 04-19-2016, 05:03 AM   #47615
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Originally Posted by SmoothG View Post
    I need some closure here...did this ever happen?


    Agreed. Hope we're all wrong and it works out for you, but just seems all wrong to me.
    Kind of. Like Justin said we haven't talked in weeks. He sent a big long text one night. I said I was sorry I hadn't talked to him in a while and that I had just been trying to figure things out. I was heading into work right then and can't use my phone (at my part time job as a hostess). When I left work I had another essay of a text message saying he understood and if he's not what I want its ok and to see when we could sit down and talk.

    To be honest, I haven't talked to him since. I know its a b!tch move to not respond but we hung out like 5 times last year, didn't talk for months, hung out 4 or 5 times this year and then he said I love you. To me, that is WAY too quick. He was just in a completely different place than I was. In my mind it's done. We were never even exclusive in the first place so in my mind it's over. I've moved on.

    I've now stepped into the dating someone from work situation. I've worked with this guy for 4 years now. We've been friends and flirted now and then at the bar sometimes but that's it. Well we were flirting again one night last week. We started texting after we left and both wound up admitting we would date eachother. The next day I wasn't sure if he had just been drunk or not, but we've been out twice now. He told me he had wanted to ask me out for a while now. And then on our second date he told me he had been nervous all day about it. We'll see what happens but so far so good.
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    Old 04-19-2016, 02:22 PM   #47616
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Originally Posted by redsox14 View Post
    Kind of. Like Justin said we haven't talked in weeks. He sent a big long text one night. I said I was sorry I hadn't talked to him in a while and that I had just been trying to figure things out. I was heading into work right then and can't use my phone (at my part time job as a hostess). When I left work I had another essay of a text message saying he understood and if he's not what I want its ok and to see when we could sit down and talk.

    To be honest, I haven't talked to him since. I know its a b!tch move to not respond but we hung out like 5 times last year, didn't talk for months, hung out 4 or 5 times this year and then he said I love you. To me, that is WAY too quick. He was just in a completely different place than I was. In my mind it's done. We were never even exclusive in the first place so in my mind it's over. I've moved on.

    I've now stepped into the dating someone from work situation. I've worked with this guy for 4 years now. We've been friends and flirted now and then at the bar sometimes but that's it. Well we were flirting again one night last week. We started texting after we left and both wound up admitting we would date eachother. The next day I wasn't sure if he had just been drunk or not, but we've been out twice now. He told me he had wanted to ask me out for a while now. And then on our second date he told me he had been nervous all day about it. We'll see what happens but so far so good.
    Thanks for the update! Sounds like you both knew it was over. I dont think sitting down and talking with him would have done any good so probably for the best to just cut contact and move on. Good luck wth the new guy!

    Spielman - you seem like a good guy and I support giving it everything you have and chasing a girl blah blah but it seems like you've watched a few too many romcoms. You should be focusing on being a single, mid 20s dude moving to an awesome new city and all of the cool and fun people and opportunities coming your way instead of being manipulated by some girl in another town.

    Me - still single but not miserable. My summer job should provide lots of opportunities to meet some morally flexible girls so we'll see what happens.
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    Old 04-19-2016, 04:14 PM   #47617
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speilmen230 View Post
    We hooked up when I last visited in August, definitely past make out stage.

    I honestly don't know what would get me to turn off from her. That's part of what makes her so different. I would never put up with any of this shit from any other girl. The minute a girl bangs another dude in the next room, that would kill it for me. It really only fueled my fire. Especially because it was the first time I had seen her with a man. When she lived here in cincy she was dating and then later got engaged to a girl. Obviously at that point she seemed like the unicorn because she was "gay."

    I'm OK with waiting. It hasn't stopped me from dating in the mean time. I really try hard to be open-minded when I meet someone new, but rarely do the sparks fly. And as shallow as it sounds, I've yet to really meet anyone who is anywhere near as attractive as her. She's the type I would consider to be out of my league.

    It also doesn't take any effort to stay "in" her life. A text conversation here and there every few days and maybe a phone call once a month. It's not like I'm putting a bunch of time and effort into her.

    And what gives me hope is that the tone of our conversations have shifted dramatically in the last 3 months. She never used to reach out and say she misses me or wished I was there. She does it quite often now. I think my moving to Denver has her thinking about the possibility of relocating there. I'm obviously not going to move to Houston for her, so it's all in her court.
    But see, you're not being open-minded because you are putting this girl on such a high pedestal, like Sbuzz said. You're sub-consciously closing yourself off to meeting anyone new because you're so infatuated with her. Trust me, I've been there, so I know the feeling and I know it's tough. You're not doing yourself any favors here, though.

    What would it take for her to rip your heart out?

    I feel like even if she flat-out said she wasn't interested in a relationship with you, you'd still try to convince yourself that she was the one. I think you're chasing something that isn't going to happen. From everything you've posted here, there's nothing that would really suggest that this girl has any interest in being in a relationship with you.
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    Old 04-19-2016, 04:33 PM   #47618
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I'm with Rodey. Especially on the first part.
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    Old 04-22-2016, 09:43 PM   #47619
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Posted back in February. Honestly surprised myself how well I handled the rejection, had a rough patch, but I think her honesty really helped come to terms with it. Had another girl start coming over to my place all last month. Always very flirty, sat in my lap one night while I held her. She said she let me because I was "fucked up", I totally knew what I was doing haha. Anyways, she just started dating someone & I'm really taking it hard at the moment.

    Shouldn't have let myself get so close =/
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    Old 04-23-2016, 06:12 AM   #47620
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Todefy View Post
    Posted back in February. Honestly surprised myself how well I handled the rejection, had a rough patch, but I think her honesty really helped come to terms with it. Had another girl start coming over to my place all last month. Always very flirty, sat in my lap one night while I held her. She said she let me because I was "fucked up", I totally knew what I was doing haha. Anyways, she just started dating someone & I'm really taking it hard at the moment.

    Shouldn't have let myself get so close =/
    You had a girl coming over to your place all last month, was falling for her, and you never pulled the trigger?

    Girls don't just come over repeatedly for no reason. You didn't make a move, so she threw you in the friend zone bucket and moved on. That's on you buddy.

    Most problems in this thread could all be solved simply by making a move. Either you get rejected and you can move on, or you succeed and you are happy. Time after time, people don't make moves and let opportunities slip by. Vary simple solution available.
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    Old 04-28-2016, 09:14 AM   #47621
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    So this whole dating someone from work thing is pretty distracting...doesn't help we are in the same room about 4 desks away from eachother haha
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    Old 04-28-2016, 06:42 PM   #47622
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    So this whole dating someone from work thing is pretty distracting...doesn't help we are in the same room about 4 desks away from eachother haha
    So it's not adorable like in The Office?
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    Old 05-04-2016, 05:15 AM   #47623
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    So it's not adorable like in The Office?
    Not yet We haven't told anyone yet. Trying to keep it under the radar for a little bit anyways but I think a couple people have an idea.

    Friday night a bunch of people went out after work like we usually do. I had a softball game so I left and came back. We did well at not only talking to eachother etc but at the end of the night he needed a ride home so I volunteered to drive him (I was already planning to stay over his place). So wouldn't you know we get to his house on a side street and as we're getting out of the car our 2 friends roll up to his house. They claimed they were there to drink more but we suspect they were checking up on us. They haven't said anything about it at work this week so who knows.

    I don't really care if people know I just want to be able to tell my sister in law before people start talking. She works here too so I'd rather be the one to tell her.
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    Old 06-05-2016, 06:12 PM   #47624
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Had the strangest ending to a date last night. I'm still freaked out by it.

    Date itself went well (first date), spent about three hours chatting over a couple of beers before deciding to call it a night. Walk out to the parking lot, chat a little bit outside her car, and when I was about ready to head back to my car, she goes limp, falls against her car, then down to the ground. It caught me off guard, I thought maybe she just lost her balance or something trying to get in, but when she went to the ground without trying to break her fall, I broke in to a cold sweat.

    I bent down to see if she's ok, and she's unresponsive. Her eyes are open, but she's not reacting to my queries at all or trying to get up. A person nearby comes over and asks if they should call for help. I say yes, because I can't tell if she's had a seizure, or something worse. As the person is waiting for someone to answer the emergency call, my date comes to and stands up. She has no idea what happened, and pleads with the person not to have the paramedics come. Says she's fine.

    She's embarrassed now, and eager to leave. I said I wouldn't let her go until she could further explain what just happened. She said she didn't know, and really wanted to leave. After talking to her for a few minutes, she again said she was fine, and just wanted to get home. She assured me nothing else would happen. I couldn't keep her there, so I let her go on her way, with the instructions she let me know she made it home (she did).

    The whole thing was fucked up.
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    Old 06-05-2016, 07:08 PM   #47625
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Better tell get to get to the Doctor ASAP
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    Old 06-05-2016, 07:42 PM   #47626
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    That's very strange. Maybe she's diabetic or has high blood pressure?
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    Old 06-05-2016, 08:03 PM   #47627
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Why hide it?
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    Old 06-05-2016, 08:18 PM   #47628
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
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    Why hide it?
    Probably embarrassed. But still shitty not to say what's going on to someone who is probably freaking out.

    Prior to that, how was the date?
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    Old 06-05-2016, 08:53 PM   #47629
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    That's very strange. Maybe she's diabetic or has high blood pressure?
    Must be something to that effect. She did admit today she's had this happen before, but not so suddenly. There's more to the story she's not telling me.
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    Originally Posted by dmbetc View Post
    Probably embarrassed. But still shitty not to say what's going on to someone who is probably freaking out.

    Prior to that, how was the date?
    The inside the bar portion of the date was great. I was fully counting on us getting together for a second date as we were walking out. This might have changed things. I can't get over it.
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    Old 06-05-2016, 09:03 PM   #47630
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nick@Night View Post
    The inside the bar portion of the date was great. I was fully counting on us getting together for a second date as we were walking out. This might have changed things. I can't get over it.
    Because of what happened or because she didn't explain things?
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    Old 06-05-2016, 09:10 PM   #47631
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    Re: Dating is miserable

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    Because of what happened or because she didn't explain things?
    A little from both columns.
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    Old 06-06-2016, 02:56 PM   #47632
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nick@Night View Post
    A little from both columns.
    What happened shouldn't be an automatic strike, health issues shouldn't stop you.
    Her not mentioning it is understandable but still kind of bad.
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    Old 06-06-2016, 03:02 PM   #47633
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    What happened shouldn't be an automatic strike, health issues shouldn't stop you.
    Her not mentioning it is understandable but still kind of bad.
    Yeah that's what I was going to say - she's obviously embarrassed and self conscious of whatever this issue is. If it's truly a deal breaker then don't even talk to her anymore.

    If it's not, make sure she knows that you are comfortable with whatever happened and show that you are interested in knowing what happened - in case it happens again.
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    Go Kings Go.
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    Old 06-06-2016, 03:40 PM   #47634
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Fallen over and unconscious, eyes wide open, non responsive, is not a good thing, she needs to find out why.

    Last edited by ybatuba; 06-06-2016 at 03:44 PM. Reason: edit so Dave does not write a sick song
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    Old 06-07-2016, 06:38 AM   #47635
    Alazais
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I was fortunate enough to be invited to President's Club for our company. It's a trip that the company takes you on if you're 1 of the top 50 Sales people in your company. We are a pretty large company (about 1000 sales people) and I was lucky enough to be number 5. This year they send everyone (and their partner) to Hawaii.

    In Hawaii, at some event dinner they had I was sat beside the Sr. Director of the UK office. We got to chatting about the office and culture and roles and It peaked my interest. Last week I spoke to him about making a move - he seemed very open to it and immediately went and spoke to my Sr. Director about me potentially moving over. I sent over my resume and now i'm in the very early stages of interviewing for a new job in the London office.

    Reason I'm posting in here:

    I told my girlfriend about it - she was both happy and very upset at me. She just took a new job for the Canadian Film Board. It's a contract role (9 months) and there is a chance they'll bring her on permanently afterwards. It's in her industry and in line with what she did her Master's degree in.

    Ultimately, I think if I take this job (the promotion i've been trying to get in Canada, but in the UK) it means we will break up. If I don't take this job, I may be stuck in this same role for the rest of my life.

    Life is hard.
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    Old 06-08-2016, 10:20 AM   #47636
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Alazais View Post
    Ultimately, I think if I take this job (the promotion i've been trying to get in Canada, but in the UK) it means we will break up. If I don't take this job, I may be stuck in this same role for the rest of my life.

    Life is hard.

    That's a hard one Troy. Sorry you're going through that. You're going to have to do a lot of soul searching on this one. Think about what your priorities are. Try to narrow down what will bring you more happiness in life. How long have you and your girlfriend been together? Maybe you can try a long distance relationship and see how it works if you do get the job?
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    Old 06-10-2016, 04:14 AM   #47637
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Just found out my Ex (from just last year) is getting married. Am pretty crushed. Still had some feelings I guess. Have not actually been through this before? Anyone have? I guess I just have to walk through the feelings and stay busy.
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    Old 06-10-2016, 06:45 AM   #47638
    Rodey
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    It was going to happen eventually, ya know? I'd just try to ignore it.

    When I found out my ex was dating a dude 10 years older than her who ran some wedding DJ company, I just shrugged and chuckled. Granted, I am happy and in a much better relationship now, so circumstances might be a bit different.

    Either way, the feelings you have are for a girl that no longer exists/the girl you were with. She's likely a completely different person now, and I'm sure you are too. Take a minute to feel bummed if you need to, but then just brush it off and move on.
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    Old 06-10-2016, 05:39 PM   #47639
    bartender_man
     
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rodey View Post
    It was going to happen eventually, ya know? I'd just try to ignore it.

    When I found out my ex was dating a dude 10 years older than her who ran some wedding DJ company, I just shrugged and chuckled. Granted, I am happy and in a much better relationship now, so circumstances might be a bit different.

    Either way, the feelings you have are for a girl that no longer exists/the girl you were with. She's likely a completely different person now, and I'm sure you are too. Take a minute to feel bummed if you need to, but then just brush it off and move on.


    Cheers bud
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    Old 06-21-2016, 08:34 PM   #47640
    Nick@Night
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I was supposed to go on a date tomorrow night, a first date, and I get this text tonight:

    Quote:
    Ok, I know we were supposed to do something tomorrow night, but my weeknights for the next two-plus weeks are now booked. My pony had surgery today and is going to need daily care until the stitches come out. It's too much of a pain to ask the barn owner to do it for me.
    I gotta say, this is a new one in the brush off department.
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