Dating is miserable - Page 1317 - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 02-26-2013, 07:40 PM   #39481
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Re: Dating is miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
I'm currently having that problem as well. My advice to Roger is my advice to myself. We texted back and forth constantly before the date, now afterwards it's almost none. Date seemed to go really well. Both mutually agreed to meet later but my first inclination is to keep texting her since that was a main form of communication.
In those situations, I would aye, text first to follow her own pattern. But if no response, give it a day. Then call. If no answer, leave a message. So everything is out there, and it's not just a "forgotten text".

After that, it's a dead duck. Limit it to two contacts. Any more, and its time to move on.



PS: When you call and there's no answer, leave a message. You will feel dumb if you didn't leave a message, because you know you can't call again.
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  • Old 02-26-2013, 07:42 PM   #39482
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    It's best to get off the texting game and onto the phone right away though. A text lends itself to be answered as the recipient pleases. This is sometimes good, but in a guy looking for dating prospects, its bad.

    In an uphill situation (like competing with 10 other guys all at once), you need to stand out.



    Do: Ask if you can call and talk on the phone with one of your first texts, or drop it on your online emails as you exchange numbers. Mention it, and hope for the a-ok.

    Don't: Cold call. This lends itself to an easy no answer.


    If you've got her digits, either run it by in her your online email that "k cool I'll give you a call tomorrow night" (make sure you specify, don't ask when she's free). Or text her on a weeknight, and then ask if she wants to talk on the phone because of how much easier it is.
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    Old 02-26-2013, 07:55 PM   #39483
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Sooo many new nuances...

    I honestly haven't even gotten to that "Oh and can I have your number?" stage with anything online.
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    Old 02-26-2013, 08:26 PM   #39484
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    In those situations, I would aye, text first to follow her own pattern. But if no response, give it a day. Then call. If no answer, leave a message. So everything is out there, and it's not just a "forgotten text".

    After that, it's a dead duck. Limit it to two contacts. Any more, and its time to move on.



    PS: When you call and there's no answer, leave a message. You will feel dumb if you didn't leave a message, because you know you can't call again.
    That's probably good advice to heed. Sent her one a while ago and no response. Gonna call tomorrow night if still nothing. That's about it.

    Trying to date is actually pretty shitty.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 06:42 AM   #39485
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    That's probably good advice to heed. Sent her one a while ago and no response. Gonna call tomorrow night if still nothing. That's about it.

    Trying to date is actually pretty shitty.
    One could say, miserable.


    Tiduwho, you should start your own dating advice business. You could be like that guy from the Pick up Artist.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:06 AM   #39486
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    I'm currently having that problem as well. My advice to Roger is my advice to myself. We texted back and forth constantly before the date, now afterwards it's almost none. Date seemed to go really well. Both mutually agreed to meet later but my first inclination is to keep texting her since that was a main form of communication.
    I texted A1 last night. She texted back that she was sorry she was MIA, partially due to the fact her laptop got a virus on Monday. The tone was completely different from previous texts and she didn't ask anything about me to keep the conversation going. Again, she's and acct and it's her busy season, so I know she's probably busy. I went ahead and checked online and she was online, so she can't be that busy. I ended up deleting her number from my phone. If I'm reading too much into everything then she'll contact me and her and I can pick up from our last date. If not, at least I won't be tempted to text her.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:29 AM   #39487
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    If a girl wants to text you, she will. Move on from A1, she already has.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:36 AM   #39488
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nick@Night View Post
    If a girl wants to text you, she will. Move on from A1, she already has.
    Exactly why I deleted her number.

    Edit: Also meant A2 for the past few posts.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:55 AM   #39489
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Love it when people teach me how to suck eggs Tidu! Most of that was 'well DUH' advice - for me anyhow.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 09:42 AM   #39490
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I much prefer texting to calling, I also really hate when people leave me messages.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 10:02 AM   #39491
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
    I much prefer texting to calling, I also really hate when people leave me messages.
    Me too on both accounts.

    Also, A2 had no problem texting before and then it all of sudden stopped. I don't have the feeling that she's all of a sudden disinterested because I didn't call her on the phone. We spent 6 hours talking face to face Friday night. Not sure what talking on the phone would prove at this point.

    Really weird considering how the date ended and then we continued to be in contact up through Sunday night. I mean, who asks if they're going to be walked home, holds onto your arm and leans on your shoulder on the way home, kisses you good night, texts about having a great time and wanting to see you again to no contact at all?

    Seriously, no wonder dating is miserable and no one knows wtf is going on. It's fucking Thunderdome out there!
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    Old 02-27-2013, 10:26 AM   #39492
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rconverse View Post
    Me too on both accounts.

    Also, A2 had no problem texting before and then it all of sudden stopped. I don't have the feeling that she's all of a sudden disinterested because I didn't call her on the phone. We spent 6 hours talking face to face Friday night. Not sure what talking on the phone would prove at this point.

    Really weird considering how the date ended and then we continued to be in contact up through Sunday night. I mean, who asks if they're going to be walked home, holds onto your arm and leans on your shoulder on the way home, kisses you good night, texts about having a great time and wanting to see you again to no contact at all?

    Seriously, no wonder dating is miserable and no one knows wtf is going on. It's fucking Thunderdome out there!
    Did you say that you two were drinking a lot? Then you made out in front of her place?

    Just a guess here, but if she was pretty drunk she could be slightly embarrassed. She might be thinking that you think you're on a fast-track to the Bone Zone.

    Just a guess.


    Also a 6 hour first date? Woah.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 11:05 AM   #39493
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
    I much prefer texting to calling, I also really hate when people leave me messages.
    I'm going to leave you a three minute message of me grunting while I poop.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 11:11 AM   #39494
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
    I much prefer texting to calling, I also really hate when people leave me messages.
    Not that you return either or.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 01:17 PM   #39495
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
    Did you say that you two were drinking a lot? Then you made out in front of her place?

    Just a guess here, but if she was pretty drunk she could be slightly embarrassed. She might be thinking that you think you're on a fast-track to the Bone Zone.

    Just a guess.


    Also a 6 hour first date? Woah.
    Anything is possible. I mean, I could have tried to invite myself up, if that's all I wanted. In addition, if she was embarrassed, why would she keep texting for two days and then stop?

    I didn't really keep track of the number of beers we drank but I do recall the $90 bill that included 2 $15 dinners. We went beer for beer as well, so we each probably had five over the course of the six hours.

    I'm guessing there were maybe some other guys she was also interested in and exploring those options. If she wants to get a hold of me, she knows how.

    She works at PWC, so maybe that should be a red flag in and of itself.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 01:26 PM   #39496
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Sounds like she is just busy. I can sometime go a little while without returning texts etc, just depends how busy I am and how stressed out I am.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 01:29 PM   #39497
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rconverse View Post
    Me too on both accounts.

    Also, A2 had no problem texting before and then it all of sudden stopped. I don't have the feeling that she's all of a sudden disinterested because I didn't call her on the phone. We spent 6 hours talking face to face Friday night. Not sure what talking on the phone would prove at this point.

    Really weird considering how the date ended and then we continued to be in contact up through Sunday night. I mean, who asks if they're going to be walked home, holds onto your arm and leans on your shoulder on the way home, kisses you good night, texts about having a great time and wanting to see you again to no contact at all?

    Seriously, no wonder dating is miserable and no one knows wtf is going on. It's fucking Thunderdome out there!
    Similar situation for me. I prefer texting as well and we both agreed at the end of the date the other night that we'll keep talking and set up another date soon. Texted yesterday, got a couple of responses early on but then nothing. Odd since for the past few weeks it's been constant texting. Nothing today.

    First date went well. 3 hour date, kiss at the end, conversation didn't really have any lulls.

    Thunderdome describes it perfectly.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 01:53 PM   #39498
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wnderwoman View Post
    Sounds like she is just busy. I can sometime go a little while without returning texts etc, just depends how busy I am and how stressed out I am.
    We'll see. We'd agreed to go out again this weekend, so we'll see if she makes any effort tomorrow.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 02:16 PM   #39499
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lcsulla View Post
    Love it when people teach me how to suck eggs Tidu! Most of that was 'well DUH' advice - for me anyhow.
    It wasn't for you Jamie, it was for the guy who's been out of the game for 4 years.

    A lot of guys who have been in long term relationships met their prior significant other in college, or at a stage in life when girls were aplenty. Now that they are out of school and don't want want to just hookup at bars, the opportunity to meet people sucks.

    The long and short of it: The dating game is an animal you need experience and know-how to succeed (especially online dating). A lot of people have never had to develop these skills because they've been in relationships.

    Dating in your 20s and early 30s is miserable to begin with, if you don't know what youre doing out there...you're going have many episodes of miserableness.
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    Last edited by Tiduwho; 02-27-2013 at 02:20 PM.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 02:20 PM   #39500
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
    Even the bolded is TLDR
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
    Totally worth it though. Classic defcon
    Sorry. I was in the posting zone the other night.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rconverse View Post
    Oh, Defcon. That's just phenomenol. I don't really have any advice to give you. I can understand why someone wouldn't "lead" with that when starting a new relationship.
    Yeah..."new shit has come to light, man...I've got certain information..." Read further and you will be entertained.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
    But the weird hillbilly version.
    Normally I'd resent that remark, but I've stopped giving a fuck. Nothing personal...people believe what they believe. I used to believe everyone from Boston had a Southie accent. Not true. Most people see that I'm currently living in SC and make assumptions. But I am part hillbilly, just not the annoying type who wants everyone to know they are like that Family Guy episode. In the truest sense, I've lived in the mountains in Upstate NY for pretty much half my life...so I'm a northern hillbilly.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    So is this thread basically where we come and tell sad stories and Tony tells us what's wrong with us?
    Seems that way.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by water_into_wine View Post
    No, I'm just the Non-Hillbilly New Groton™, who occasionally tries to post helpful advice but apparently ends up being too blunt or ridiculing.
    Groton...sum up Groton's posts so I get this reference, por favor.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    When it comes to dating, people need someone to be blunt with them. Otherwise, why ask for advice?
    Exactly. That's why I wrote so much shit


    So new info...basically, I backed off a little. Didn't answer her calls, texts, or emails for two, three days...finally sent her an email that I've been really busy (true, just not THAT busy). She sends me a long email back, like a fucking novel. I mean, I just sat down today for the first time and read the first 10 paragraphs. TL/DR is she senses a sudden rift, feels great about "us being best friends or hopefully more <3", etc. I got to "There's something I need to tell you..." which now sits in the other tab on Chrome.

    Wait for it.

    1) She is currently legally married, not separated, and hasn't talked to her husband in 4 years. She claims she can't file for divorce because he can't be contacted, which isn't true but anyway.

    2) She basically came clean on her past, briefly, said she spent a year in prison and 6 months in rehab. She had a heroin addiction. Not her whole rap sheet, but for me, it's a BIG STEP

    So, I think I'm just going to give this all time, take my own advice, not rush into it. But I'm still going to chill and be all aloof. I'm a little irritated with that lie and no apology. Because that's what it was. Coming clean helps, but I asked her and she flat out lied or omitted what she'd been doing with about 7 years of her life.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 02:32 PM   #39501
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rconverse View Post
    Me too on both accounts.

    Also, A2 had no problem texting before and then it all of sudden stopped. I don't have the feeling that she's all of a sudden disinterested because I didn't call her on the phone. We spent 6 hours talking face to face Friday night. Not sure what talking on the phone would prove at this point.

    Really weird considering how the date ended and then we continued to be in contact up through Sunday night. I mean, who asks if they're going to be walked home, holds onto your arm and leans on your shoulder on the way home, kisses you good night, texts about having a great time and wanting to see you again to no contact at all?

    Seriously, no wonder dating is miserable and no one knows wtf is going on. It's fucking Thunderdome out there!
    Experience tells me it is another guy or guys.

    Id go on about maybe she's just busy, but I would be bullshitting you. A girl may be busy, but not so busy she can't get back to someone in a text, if shes still interested.

    Further: If the text comes, don't get too excited. Its a good sign, but it might just be a common courtesy/check to see if you are still a fallback response. I would still caution that theres a good chance other dudes are afoot.

    I've found that even after a successful date, a girl will still be online checking out messages and talking to other guys. That "buffet" is never ending...
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    Last edited by Tiduwho; 02-27-2013 at 02:35 PM.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 02:51 PM   #39502
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    Experience tells me it is another guy or guys.
    Agreed.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    Id go on about maybe she's just busy, but I would be bullshitting you. A girl may be busy, but not so busy she can't get back to someone in a text, if shes still interested.
    Agreed. No one is so busy they can't break off a text. Furthermore, if she was into me, she'd want to text.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    Further: If the text comes, don't get too excited. Its a good sign, but it might just be a common courtesy/check to see if you are still a fallback response. I would still caution that theres a good chance other dudes are afoot.
    I'm sure. If I hear from her, which I honestly doubt, I guess I can try to see what's what. There's no way I'm reaching out to her again.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    I've found that even after a successful date, a girl will still be online checking out messages and talking to other guys. That "buffet" is never ending...
    Yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 03:22 PM   #39503
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tiduwho View Post
    It wasn't for you Jamie, it was for the guy who's been out of the game for 4 years.

    A lot of guys who have been in long term relationships met their prior significant other in college, or at a stage in life when girls were aplenty. Now that they are out of school and don't want want to just hookup at bars, the opportunity to meet people sucks.

    The long and short of it: The dating game is an animal you need experience and know-how to succeed (especially online dating). A lot of people have never had to develop these skills because they've been in relationships.

    Dating in your 20s and early 30s is miserable to begin with, if you don't know what youre doing out there...you're going have many episodes of miserableness.
    Thanks for clearing that up. . I feel functionally retarded when it comes to this whole process and I'm glad a thread like this exists because I'm sure there are many more horrible scenarios that will arise. Meeting people in a new town, where I don't know many people to begin with, and just off a long relationship seems like a battle that I'm almost not willing to face at the moment.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 05:45 PM   #39504
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Exchanged contact information with the manager of the restaurant I went to today. She seemed like a sweety. I'd enjoy getting to know her.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 07:27 PM   #39505
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Well basically just got the not interested text. Kind of sucks but I saw it coming I guess. I thought the date went well but I thanked for the nice time and wished her good luck. Still a hit to ol' ego. Gonna drink it off.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 07:30 PM   #39506
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    You can do it buddy. You just have to get back up on that horse and give it the ol' college try.

    If nothing else, you can rest your head on the ol' thought process that, bitches be cray cray (note: not all bitches. Just the ones that are in fact cray)
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    Old 02-27-2013, 07:35 PM   #39507
    thechad90000
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Eh...the more and more I think about it, the more and more I don't know if I'm ready to try dating again. 4 years away from the whole things and it's really kind of making my head spin.
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    Old 02-27-2013, 07:35 PM   #39508
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    Well basically just got the not interested text. Kind of sucks but I saw it coming I guess. I thought the date went well but I thanked for the nice time and wished her good luck. Still a hit to ol' ego. Gonna drink it off.
    Don't let it hit you too hard, it was your first first date in years! You thought it went well, meaning you felt like you did your best. Should be proud you were able to hold conversation for so long, got a kiss, etc. chalk it up as dipping your toes back in and don't lose that confidence!
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:04 PM   #39509
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    Well basically just got the not interested text. Kind of sucks but I saw it coming I guess. I thought the date went well but I thanked for the nice time and wished her good luck. Still a hit to ol' ego. Gonna drink it off.
    Enjoy the drink(s)! I've been there, man, I've been there. I've gotten the "not interested" text after a single date and after several dates and a weekend getaway (that one stung). I will say I prefer the "not interested" text to the disappearing act.

    You just have to keep at it (or so I keep telling myself). Go on several first dates. Meet different kinds of girls. Have some bad dates. Try to enjoy yourself. Remind yourself that nobody (except maybe Tiduwho) really "knows" what they are doing. There is no rulebook printed out somewhere.

    Tiduwho hinted at the frustrating thing about online dating: the never-ending "buffet." Any reasonably cute girl on those sites is going to have multiple people contacting them at all times. So the tyranny of choice comes into play. Even if she likes you, there could always be somebody "better" that comes along that fits more snugly into her definition of "Prince Charming."
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    Old 02-27-2013, 08:10 PM   #39510
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thechad90000 View Post
    Well basically just got the not interested text. Kind of sucks but I saw it coming I guess. I thought the date went well but I thanked for the nice time and wished her good luck. Still a hit to ol' ego. Gonna drink it off.
    Sorry, man. That sucks. I'm sure mine is coming or the disappearing act.

    I'm going the opposite route. Setup a date with A1. It doesn't have to be a buffet just for girls, remember that!
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