Quote:
Originally Posted by cazzie34
Rodey, I hate to break it to you but she was treating you like a friend. From what I gather you were together over a year and yet only hanging out 3 nights a week (weekends and once during the week). That is pretty noncommittal for a long term relationship.
Also all the stuff regarding the texts and not seeing her for two weeks just goes to show you were an afterthought. She wasn't committed to the relationship.
I've been there before. I loved a girl so much and was just waiting for her to come around and love me as much as I loved her. It never happened. Everything was on her terms. Ultimately she broke up with me. It hurt but I just had to realize she wasn't in to me.
If your ex truly loved you and wanted you in her life she would have made the time for you. 10 minute phone call while at work if working late, text messages, little things like that. She didn't do any of those things. She felt comfortable with you so she went along with the ride for a while.
You are better off finding someone who truly wants to be with you. You'll see the difference once you find it.
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I honestly think she was fully committed to the relationship up until June/early July when she got her own place. Like, she used to stay over at my apartment probably four nights out of the week prior to then. Things kind of went on cruise control at that point, but she was still sacrificing enough to show me that she was committed, and I was a first-person witness to her breakdowns and how stressed she was, so I didn't really have any reason to think it was anything else.
She did text pretty much daily, but there were the random occasions when she didn't (not coincidentally they were both prior to talks). I can't really fault her for the time commitment. I mean, I know she could have said, "hey, I'm leaving work at 10 and going right to bed, but you can come over" and she admitted as much, but I also know I was her first non-long distance relationship and that she only saw her ex of two years on the weekends. So I figured she was still trying to learn how to adapt to someone being closer. I know for a fact she was honest about how swamped she was, but yeah, she could have at least worked in more little moments, which, she was honestly improving on. It's why things caught me off guard. The week prior to the breakup, she was in brief mode and constantly at work until at least 10 every night but took an hour out a couple nights to have dinner with me.
From an outsider's perspective, I can see how everyone here thinks she wasn't into it and that I should have noticed that. But honestly I know that she was. We clicked very well and really were a great fit. Everyone who knew her told me so. I knew what her hangups were and I could tell she was genuinely trying to improve on them. I know she loved me, because when we were together she showed it and verbalized it. I just think her transition into her career threw a sudden wrench in her relationship plans. I'd be surprised if she's in another relationship any time soon, but I could be wrong.
It's just tough. I feel as though everyone has that one relationship that really messes them up. This is mine. She was the perfect combination of looks, personality, motivation, etc. She made me want to stop being content with stuff.
Maybe I missed or subconsciously ignored some warning signs, and that's easy to see when you're watching from afar, but when you're in the middle of it and being told all the right things and someone is showing you that they're really trying, it's hard. I've been through the ringer before and, had I had any inkling that she wasn't fully feeling it, I would have bailed. I'm not at the point in life where I want to let years go by if I don't think I could see myself with someone and vice versa. I mean, I was pretty close here to opening a new bank account to start saving for a ring.