Dating is miserable

[unccrombie]

Originally Posted by Alazais

Conversation came up again last night. We're going to have a sit down talk in the new year about the logistics, expectations and what we want to do going forward. I think it's a good idea to actually sit down and has things out. Will update in the new year what we want to do... Geez, Remember the days when I just slept around a ton? Simpler times.

Also, a lot of my female friends I've slept with. It has to be weird for her. Last Friday for example we were at a bar with like 9 of us. 4 women were there and three I'd slept with (including my girlfriend). I don't think much of it, but is this an issue for most women?

it would be for me, and i'm not a girl.

[Alazais]

Originally Posted by unccrombie

it would be for me, and i'm not a girl.

Okay. Could you elaborate?

I'm 28 now with a fairly extensive sexual history. If I wasn't friends with women I'd slept with I'd likely have no friends.

I also take it as a testament to my ability to keep friends. Most people I've slept with and decided I (or they decided) didn't want to sleep with them anymore have stayed in my life in a friendship capacity. I think that's great.

"Hey. It didn't work out but you're totally still cool and I am happy to still hang out with you".

[cazzie34]

I, too, would have a problem hanging out with a bunch of dudes my SO slept with.

Why? Because we are American. Your Parisian views towards sex don't apply in America where we have morals and a puritanical fear towards anything sexual.

[thechad90000]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

I, too, would have a problem hanging out with a bunch of dudes my SO slept with.

Why? Because we are American. Your Parisian views towards sex don't apply in America where we have morals and a puritanical fear towards anything sexual.

Or it has nothing to do with that and I just wouldn't want to be hanging out with a bunch of dudes who've all banged my girlfriend. Lol

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by Alazais

Okay. Could you elaborate?

I'm 28 now with a fairly extensive sexual history. If I wasn't friends with women I'd slept with I'd likely have no friends.

I also take it as a testament to my ability to keep friends. Most people I've slept with and decided I (or they decided) didn't want to sleep with them anymore have stayed in my life in a friendship capacity. I think that's great.

"Hey. It didn't work out but you're totally still cool and I am happy to still hang out with you".

Yep, this would be a problem for me and I'm a woman. It's just natural for us to find those things out and then constantly compare ourselves to them, or get jealous (often we don't even know why we're jealous, but we are). If your girlfriend is a strong, secure person, she will eventually get used to the idea that you have a sexual history rivaling Genghis Khan. If she is anything less than that, then you WILL have problems with this in the future, it's just human (and female) nature.

[cazzie34]

Originally Posted by thechad90000

Or it has nothing to do with that and I just wouldn't want to be hanging out with a bunch of dudes who've all banged my girlfriend. Lol

Haha. Yeah, it was a joke. I figure most people wouldn't like it.

Every time I saw the dude I'd be thinking about him railing her from behind or other gross sexual things they probably did.

[Alazais]

I don't get it. I apologize if i'm being crass here but do you think all of your partners were virgins prior to you? They didn't get good in the sack by some kind of miracle. They have a history of boning. It's why you get off so wonderfully almost every time.

[jordanbball17]

Originally Posted by Alazais

I don't get it. I apologize if i'm being crass here but do you think all of your partners were virgins prior to you? They didn't get good in the sack by some kind of miracle. They have a history of boning. It's why you get off so wonderfully almost every time.

No, that's not it at all. My problem would be being exposed to your living, breathing sexual history at every social event we go to because your ex-sexual partners are your only friends.

[Rodey]

Originally Posted by Alazais

I don't get it. I apologize if i'm being crass here but do you think all of your partners were virgins prior to you? They didn't get good in the sack by some kind of miracle. They have a history of boning. It's why you get off so wonderfully almost every time.

I also think you're operating under a false assumption that most people are promiscuous. Look at the averages for number of partners, it's not that high.

[smokew11]

Originally Posted by Alazais

Conversation came up again last night. We're going to have a sit down talk in the new year about the logistics, expectations and what we want to do going forward. I think it's a good idea to actually sit down and has things out. Will update in the new year what we want to do... Geez, Remember the days when I just slept around a ton? Simpler times.

Also, a lot of my female friends I've slept with. It has to be weird for her. Last Friday for example we were at a bar with like 9 of us. 4 women were there and three I'd slept with (including my girlfriend). I don't think much of it, but is this an issue for most women?

not at all. if there's one thing women absolutely love its spending time with their boyfriend and a handful of girls he's slept with

[smokew11]

Originally Posted by unccrombie

it would be for me, and i'm not a girl.

Originally Posted by Alazais

Okay. Could you elaborate?

I'm 28 now with a fairly extensive sexual history. If I wasn't friends with women I'd slept with I'd likely have no friends.

I also take it as a testament to my ability to keep friends. Most people I've slept with and decided I (or they decided) didn't want to sleep with them anymore have stayed in my life in a friendship capacity. I think that's great.

"Hey. It didn't work out but you're totally still cool and I am happy to still hang out with you".

he has a penis

[Alazais]

Strange. I suppose I need to be more considerate of their feelings in relation to my sexual history.

I'm totally fine if she is friends and hangs out with people that have boned her and have been fine with it in past relationships.

She's a very good looking woman so every single one of her male friends wants to bone her. It's a regular thing. It doesn't bother me. I trust her and expect the same thing.

As an aside, the other day these 3 Irish dudes were behind her in line to Tim Hortons, and asked her about a bunch of cool places to go to and the like in the city. She provided some recommendations to bars and the like and then they asked her to come out for drinks later. She declined. She texted me just after it happened and told me all about it. My first response to her was, "Irish people are awesome. You should totally go out with them!" I told this to my office colleagues and they all freaked out at me. They were shocked I'd let her (like she's my possession) go out with a bunch of dudes that want to make the sexy time with her. Sure, everyone wants to make the sexy time with everyone that's good looking. There is no way to get around that. It wasn't a concern of mine though; If she wanted to bone them she wouldn't be with me.

I appreciate yous guyses' insights. I consider you to be in line with the general public's outlook on these types of matters. I won't stop hanging out with my friends as I don't think that's fair to my friends, but I will try to be more considerate of my sexual history going forward.

[GSUdawg521]

We hung out with a group of people that included her ex on a few occasions early on, though she had told me that that group of friends of hers she didn't see herself sticking around with in the long run. Just that they were all of a different mindset, maturity, etc. I was never a big fan of hanging out with him, but not because of any kind of insecurity. In fact, to me, I feel like the better person in those situations; like you screwed this up and I'm the awesome boyfriend she really wanted. But I would just rather not having anything to do with another's ex in the first place.

[unccrombie]

Originally Posted by smokew11

not at all. if there's one thing women absolutely love its spending time with their boyfriend and a handful of girls he's slept with

Originally Posted by smokew11

he has a penis

[cazzie34]

Troy's story just confirms my thoughts that he is Will Ferrell from that one SNL sketch with Rachel Dratch "Lovah's".

http://s8.postimg.org/5rjg16mqd/tumb...pgppo1_250.gif .

[unccrombie]

Originally Posted by Alazais

Strange. I suppose I need to be more considerate of their feelings in relation to my sexual history.

I'm totally fine if she is friends and hangs out with people that have boned her and have been fine with it in past relationships.

She's a very good looking woman so every single one of her male friends wants to bone her. It's a regular thing. It doesn't bother me. I trust her and expect the same thing.

As an aside, the other day these 3 Irish dudes were behind her in line to Tim Hortons, and asked her about a bunch of cool places to go to and the like in the city. She provided some recommendations to bars and the like and then they asked her to come out for drinks later. She declined. She texted me just after it happened and told me all about it. My first response to her was, "Irish people are awesome. You should totally go out with them!" I told this to my office colleagues and they all freaked out at me. They were shocked I'd let her (like she's my possession) go out with a bunch of dudes that want to make the sexy time with her. Sure, everyone wants to make the sexy time with everyone that's good looking. There is no way to get around that. It wasn't a concern of mine though; If she wanted to bone them she wouldn't be with me.

I appreciate yous guyses' insights. I consider you to be in line with the general public's outlook on these types of matters. I won't stop hanging out with my friends as I don't think that's fair to my friends, but I will try to be more considerate of my sexual history going forward.

to the bolded, that wasn't my intent. but if your only good friends are girls youve banged/exes, probably not good? I don't know.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by cazzie34

Haha. Yeah, it was a joke. I figure most people wouldn't like it.

Every time I saw the dude I'd be thinking about him railing her from behind or other gross sexual things they probably did.

Yep. This.


Has nothing to do with the girl and her indefinite past, people have lives before you, that's fine.

Its that the ties haven't been cut. You're right there with someone still friendly with your significant other. Call it selfish, call it whatever. Not a situation or environment I'd want to be in. Would be a deal breaker for me.

[Roose13]

I feel like we're sitting Troy down for the talk

[Climb2safety]

Troy, does your soon to be live in girlfriend know that in addition to numerous girls in the Niagara falls area that you and the five girls at happy hour have previously ridden the hobbie horse?

Apologies if this has been covered.

[Rodey]

I think it'd be one thing if one of your exes was in the group you hang around, but I think the fact that you've banged all of them is what sets this scenario apart.

[Alazais]

Originally Posted by Climb2safety

Troy, does your soon to be live in girlfriend know that in addition to numerous girls in the Niagara falls area that you and the five girls at happy hour have previously ridden the hobbie horse?

Apologies if this has been covered.

I don't know what this means. Are you saying does she know that I've slept with those people we all went out with the other day? Yes.

[Climb2safety]

Originally Posted by Alazais

I don't know what this means. Are you saying does she know that I've slept with those people we all went out with the other day? Yes.

And she was good with it? If she is good with it then maybe nothing else matters.

[AllifromOhio]

Would never hangout with people that have boned my bf. I've never made my bf do it either. Did in my last relationship and it was terrible.

[Roose13]

I am best friends with two girls and close with another. I have never had sex with any of them. I would never introduce my gf to friends I've boned before. There's another girl I'm really good friends with who I used to - in Troy's voice - do the sexy dance with but that was like 6 years ago and she has a bf (and is nuts ). And even my gf will never know about that.

[Tiduwho]

Have one time been at a party with a gf and girl I'd previously slept with. I didn't reach out, and past girl took the hint that I was with a gf. No harm, no foul.

That assumes you don't sleep with crazy girls though that might come up and intentionally hint at things to get at new girl's ire. <<< It's that kind of crap that is the reason I would never hang out with guys that have slept with my gf. The more I think about it, the more ludicrous it sounds that this should be accepted. Girl would have to be really stubborn to bring you around that, or just completely oblivious.

Dealt with that once. Big group "oh, no that was a long time ago, I'm not even remotely interested, and he knows that". Drinking commences, old guy starts trying to dance with her and even is looking over her shoulder at me to see my reaction. How about not only am I not going to step into your testosterone challenge, I'm going to say fuck it to the girl who clearly doesn't realize that these guys still look at her and are trying to challenge me to "compete" for her. Chick had almost all guy friends, and 3 of them were exes. What a dumb bitch that chick was lol. Sharing a girl's time with her exes is not my idea of a relationship. So glad I took the high road and stopped talking to her.

Did not reach sleeping with status, probably saved my junk.

[cry_minarets458]

Yeah. If anything I will reiterate tiduwhos post. This past year has shown me that Exes just need to be out of life. On e they're involved in your relationship, it changes things, whether intentionally or not

[dmbetc]

I'd say, if it was someone you just banged and didn't have a relationship with, there's not a need to point them out. That would only be to inflate your ego "Yup, slept with her, her and oh yeah that chick too!"

I haven't slept with half of the city, so I don't know how to really go about this situation. If anything, make sure she knows that you've slept around, a lot, and that there may be people that you may come in contact with during social gatherings that you've slept with. But, I don't see a need to point them out.

[dmbetc]

I do have a group of people that I've fooled around, some that I've slept with, that are still good friends and we hang out a lot (when I lived back in NY) The only person that I make an effort to tell whomever I am seeing is the girl who I actually dated.

"I'm still good friends with my ex, she's in a group of my friends/social life. So there are times she will be around, but there is nothing to be worried about" blah blah.

[GSUdawg521]

I think we've all forgotten to mention, that you can throw most of these suggestions out the window if at any time there is a possibility of a 3-way

[thechad90000]

Originally Posted by GSUdawg521

I think we've all forgotten to mention, that you can throw most of these suggestions out the window if at any time there is a possibility of a 3-way

Well that's a given.