Dating is miserable - Page 1606 - Antsmarching.org Forums - Dave Matthews Band Discussion
Old 03-21-2017, 02:06 PM   #48151
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Re: Dating is miserable

I just don't think it's a good idea at all to ask her out. It's a shame it has to be that way tho. (Im talking about my friend)
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  • Old 03-21-2017, 02:16 PM   #48152
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tyler3440 View Post
    We're going to Florida. Probably like a 6 hour trip. She knows my mom and thats really it. I think she is certainly open to meeting new people tho but i would imagine it would be a bit awkward at first but no big deal. Yes, friends is my only intention.

    She asked me and a few other people if we wanted to go to LA and stay at her aunts house. But her aunts houses was too small and we never went. At that time we weren't as good of friends as we are now. But she's a sweet girl and she even thought to give me a gift. It was little souvenir guitar because she knew that I played guitar.

    But yeah I think she's pretty open to meeting new people. She's a pretty go with the flow type person. And she seems to really like the beach we go to.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tyler3440 View Post
    I just don't think it's a good idea at all to ask her out. It's a shame it has to be that way tho. (Im talking about my friend)
    Sounds to me like your friend already likes you.
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    Old 03-21-2017, 02:36 PM   #48153
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rodey View Post
    Sounds to me like your friend already likes you.
    The LA thing was a few years ago. And she asked in a group message.

    What else makes you think she likes me?
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    Old 03-24-2017, 06:45 AM   #48154
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Climb2safety View Post
    She was perfect. Met all my friends, helped me decorate for the party, we got along great. Everyone loved her. I kept making sure I wasn't doing anything she didn't like, total baggage from my marriage.

    She spent the night and I made her breakfast. Awkward scene at 10:30 with her leaving, my other son unexpectedly coming in from a sleepover and my ex in front of my house but fuckit. So yeah, no more dating for me. I'm off every app and totally in a relationship. Met her one month yesterday and my life has completely changed. The sky is the limit.

    Toy, my last relationship caused me all kinds of anxiety, see my posts from December. It clearly wasn't right for me, this one felt different from the start. Keep that in mind, if the little voice is telling you things probably best to at least hear it out.

    Care to elaborate on the hating yourself part?
    Stories like this make me miss the first part of dating someone. Such a fun time.
    Good luck and enjoy!
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    Old 03-24-2017, 01:59 PM   #48155
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    Stories like this make me miss the first part of dating someone. Such a fun time.
    Good luck and enjoy!
    Thanks Allie. It's been crazy.

    Updates - she already had it booked but now we're going on a cruise in June. She's giving me my ticket for my birthday and I got my two boys a room so, her four kids, my two, and us. 7 days.

    And - I have a partner in crime for the three night RR run this summer.

    And - we seriously abused facetime the other night lol. (I'm traveling)
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    Old 03-25-2017, 05:31 AM   #48156
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Meeting the parents tonight, here we go
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    Old 03-25-2017, 06:07 AM   #48157
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    Meeting the parents tonight, here we go
    I got her mom tomorrow night.

    Be drunk and cuss a lot is my plan. Oh, and they love to talk religion and politics .
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    Old 03-25-2017, 06:16 AM   #48158
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Climb2safety View Post
    I got her mom tomorrow night.

    Be drunk and cuss a lot is my plan. Oh, and they love to talk religion and politics .

    I should have clarified, she is meeting my parents tonight as it is my birthday weekend. I haven't met her parents yet. For you I'm sure something along the lines of "those fackin' immigrants bettah stay behind the God damn wall!" will make for a nice casual evening!
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    Old 03-25-2017, 09:44 AM   #48159
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    I should have clarified, she is meeting my parents tonight as it is my birthday weekend. I haven't met her parents yet. For you I'm sure something along the lines of "those fackin' immigrants bettah stay behind the God damn wall!" will make for a nice casual evening!
    So what does this mean? Are you all-in or still have some hesitations?
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    Old 03-25-2017, 11:07 AM   #48160
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Climb2safety View Post
    So what does this mean? Are you all-in or still have some hesitations?

    We are officially a couple and we are both in, I don't know for sure that this is the girl I'll want to marry because it's early in the overall picture of things but she really does check off boxes that I have been looking for my entire life. I've been with enough women to learn from mistakes and know what is important (not that people can't find love right off the bat), this is easily the most dynamic relationship I've been in. In the past sometimes it's been all about hooking up and no romance or affection or similar interests, has also been the opposite where it just feels like another friend, this seems to cover the full range. Hard to say all-in and this is the one, but I have decided I'm going to give it all I can.
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    Old 03-25-2017, 11:10 AM   #48161
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr_4U
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    Old 03-25-2017, 01:49 PM   #48162
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ToySoldier#34 View Post
    We are officially a couple and we are both in, I don't know for sure that this is the girl I'll want to marry because it's early in the overall picture of things but she really does check off boxes that I have been looking for my entire life. I've been with enough women to learn from mistakes and know what is important (not that people can't find love right off the bat), this is easily the most dynamic relationship I've been in. In the past sometimes it's been all about hooking up and no romance or affection or similar interests, has also been the opposite where it just feels like another friend, this seems to cover the full range. Hard to say all-in and this is the one, but I have decided I'm going to give it all I can.


    Sounds pretty cool.
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    Old 03-25-2017, 09:41 PM   #48163
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    met a girl who is a baseball and hockey fan. asked her out and she said yes and gave me her number. a week and half and a handful of excuses later, we never got together and she said shes not interested. great.......
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    Old 03-25-2017, 10:02 PM   #48164
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by spoot388 View Post
    met a girl who is a baseball and hockey fan. asked her out and she said yes and gave me her number. a week and half and a handful of excuses later, we never got together and she said shes not interested. great.......


    I hate shit like that....
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    Old 03-27-2017, 06:59 AM   #48165
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    I'm sure this question has been raised many times in this thread, but I wanted to ask anyway. I have been dating a girl for 2 weeks and she is really cool and very polite in almost every aspect. However, this past weekend we went out together as a couple for the first time. I took her to dinner on Friday and then for drinks afterwards and we did the same on Saturday. I fully expected to pay for everything being the guy, but also appreciate when the girl offers to pay and she hadn't. All in all I spent something like $250 on us in just food and drinks this weekend and I'm nervous because I am young, just starting a new career, and I know that I cannot afford to keep paying for everything. She has no idea how much money I make and I just don't want her to get comfortable to the idea that I will be paying for everything. She has a decent job and I am willing to bet she makes around the same amount as I do.

    I am not posting this to complain, in fact, I was happy to pay for everything and I would have refused her if she had offered to pay. My question is, what should my expectations be going forward? I fully expect to pay more than her on dates, but how long, if at all, should I wait before bringing anything up to her?
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    Old 03-27-2017, 08:20 AM   #48166
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bostonsux013 View Post
    I'm sure this question has been raised many times in this thread, but I wanted to ask anyway. I have been dating a girl for 2 weeks and she is really cool and very polite in almost every aspect. However, this past weekend we went out together as a couple for the first time. I took her to dinner on Friday and then for drinks afterwards and we did the same on Saturday. I fully expected to pay for everything being the guy, but also appreciate when the girl offers to pay and she hadn't. All in all I spent something like $250 on us in just food and drinks this weekend and I'm nervous because I am young, just starting a new career, and I know that I cannot afford to keep paying for everything. She has no idea how much money I make and I just don't want her to get comfortable to the idea that I will be paying for everything. She has a decent job and I am willing to bet she makes around the same amount as I do.

    I am not posting this to complain, in fact, I was happy to pay for everything and I would have refused her if she had offered to pay. My question is, what should my expectations be going forward? I fully expect to pay more than her on dates, but how long, if at all, should I wait before bringing anything up to her?
    I have experience here. I went out with a girl that didn't reach for her credit card once over two months.

    The best relationships I've had though were with girls self aware enough to offer though so, possible red flag this would be for me, but it's early.

    I would

    1. Let her propose the next outing and see if she treats.
    2. If she doesn't, be realistic with what you can afford and plan some cheaper dates (12 pack, blanket, snacks, music, frisbee in the park), or Netflix and chill.
    3. Be open to discussing it with her.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 08:53 AM   #48167
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Any woman that has a job, should pay sometimes.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, I pay for most special events. Everything else bill wise gets split down the middle.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 09:00 AM   #48168
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Climb2safety View Post
    I have experience here. I went out with a girl that didn't reach for her credit card once over two months.

    The best relationships I've had though were with girls self aware enough to offer though so, possible red flag this would be for me, but it's early.

    I would

    1. Let her propose the next outing and see if she treats.
    2. If she doesn't, be realistic with what you can afford and plan some cheaper dates (12 pack, blanket, snacks, music, frisbee in the park), or Netflix and chill.
    3. Be open to discussing it with her.
    Good advice. I'm hopeful that she will pick up on the fact that I'm paying for everything and offer to pay. I want to treat her as much if not more than she treats me, but I would just like to see effort and if I don't it would be one hell of an awkward convo if I were to call her out.
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    You have just offended an unknown but exorbitant amount of hipsters with that comment.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 09:01 AM   #48169
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    Any woman that has a job, should pay sometimes.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, I pay for most special events. Everything else bill wise gets split down the middle.
    He's lucky to have you
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    Old 03-27-2017, 09:26 AM   #48170
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bostonsux013 View Post
    He's lucky to have you
    Meh, I am sure he disagrees sometimes.

    I hate that a lot of woman assume the man will always pay. I know someone who was going through a rough patch financially and decided to start using Tinder as a way to get by. She would make up stories about her life, go on dates with guys, have them buy her food and things, and then she would ghost them.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 10:16 AM   #48171
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    Meh, I am sure he disagrees sometimes.

    I hate that a lot of woman assume the man will always pay. I know someone who was going through a rough patch financially and decided to start using Tinder as a way to get by. She would make up stories about her life, go on dates with guys, have them buy her food and things, and then she would ghost them.
    Had a girl where we just got drinks (maybe a $30 tab), and when the bill came, I asked if she was cool to just split it down the middle. She goes, "I don't do that. Guys should always pay on dates." I go, "Oh, ok. Glad this is going to be our only one then", and paid the tab. It made the last few minutes of the evening awkward, but it was worth it for the look on her face.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 10:23 AM   #48172
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    You should have asked the waitress for separate bills as well. Fuck her.

    I mean, I paid on my first date with my fiance but that was just out of courtesy. All throughout our dating we took turns paying, etc. Some girls, man...
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    Old 03-27-2017, 10:45 AM   #48173
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Our first date, he made it very clear he was treating me to din. So we went in with the set expectations of who was paying. We met at Cheesecake Factory and he picked up the tab, there was no awkwardness. The date went well so I suggested we see a movie. Since I suggested, I paid for the movie tickets. He said that was very surprising to him.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 10:48 AM   #48174
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    The woman always pays on my dates.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 11:34 AM   #48175
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Seems like the money issue has been covered, I would also add that it is a good idea to do as many different things as possible. Having expensive dinners and constantly going out for drinks adds up and IMO it is more fun to see each other in different settings. Some local events can be free or at least very inexpensive and a blast.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 11:53 AM   #48176
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    The funny thing about the timing of us starting to date is that its two months before my friend in Florida gets married and I am in the wedding. My friend knows that I am with her and told me that I am free to invite her, but I am hesitant to say anything in the event that she feels obligated to go and I wouldn't know if she would expect me to pay for her airfare and hotel and all that. I'm 90% sure she would cover her own cost, but I would hate to put myself in a situation where she half expects me to help her with the costs since it is my friend who is getting married. I think I may just not invite her to the wedding and say that it was too late of a notice for my friend and his fiance.

    Does anyone think she could/would have the right to be mad about me not asking her to come?
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    Old 03-27-2017, 12:03 PM   #48177
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bostonsux013 View Post
    The funny thing about the timing of us starting to date is that its two months before my friend in Florida gets married and I am in the wedding. My friend knows that I am with her and told me that I am free to invite her, but I am hesitant to say anything in the event that she feels obligated to go and I wouldn't know if she would expect me to pay for her airfare and hotel and all that. I'm 90% sure she would cover her own cost, but I would hate to put myself in a situation where she half expects me to help her with the costs since it is my friend who is getting married. I think I may just not invite her to the wedding and say that it was too late of a notice for my friend and his fiance.

    Does anyone think she could/would have the right to be mad about me not asking her to come?
    Just be up front with her. Tell her you want to invite her but cant cover the cost for both of you to fly. If she likes you it wont be an issue.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 12:10 PM   #48178
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    Any woman that has a job, should pay sometimes.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, I pay for most special events. Everything else bill wise gets split down the middle.
    I think the reason I'm inclined to offer to pay is because my Mom didn't work growing up and just took care of the kids so my Dad always paid for everything. I realize this is not as common in 2017, but my mind is conditioned to think that I should have to pay.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 12:13 PM   #48179
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllifromOhio View Post
    Any woman that has a job, should pay sometimes.

    I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, I pay for most special events. Everything else bill wise gets split down the middle.
    Same. My bf treated for the first handful of times we went out but I always offered. Eventually he let me pay and now its just under a year together and we basically switch off. Its probably a 60/40 split. A week ago we both showed the bartender (we are regulars) our dogs and we made him choose the cuter dog. Loser had to pay. I won that one But if i invite him to something specific like a concert or something i will pay for the ticket.

    In the past when i was single i always offered. This isn't the 60s!

    One time i was dating someone and we always split the bill from day 1. I have no problem with that, but i hate actually splitting it. Id rather switch off every time we go out instea dof split it every time. Also I had throat surgery and we went to dinner and a movie about a week after the surgery but it was still hard for me to eat much. I had a cup of soup and a beer and he had a burger and a few beers and we still split it down the middle. I was already annoyed so that just pissed me off. We went to the movie and i went right up ahead of him and bought myself 1 ticket LOL. Again, i dont mind paying but i had surgery and you cant buy me a cup of soup after 6 months of dating?!?!?! Thats the one time i was really really pissed about splitting a bill.
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    Old 03-27-2017, 03:02 PM   #48180
    Climb2safety
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    Re: Dating is miserable

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Bostonsux013 View Post
    I think the reason I'm inclined to offer to pay is because my Mom didn't work growing up and just took care of the kids so my Dad always paid for everything. I realize this is not as common in 2017, but my mind is conditioned to think that I should have to pay.
    Just as long as she's conditioned to suck the hell out of your dick afterward.

    (Did I say that outloud?)
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