What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

[TwoStep2888]

Originally Posted by TheLastPig

My fiancee's mom passed away from ovarian cancer when she was just eleven. I see the pain in her often in quiet moments or when she wants to be alone. Its hard for me to find the right words to comfort her, and even when I feel like I do get through, theres still a layer that can never be soothed. I will never know what that pain is like, I just do my best every day to make her smile and be happy.

all you can do is be there and be supportive

[Drwbllz]

When I was 22, I was stabbed in the gut at a friend's X-mas party. I had my inf. vena cava severed, and had my gall bladder and a few feet of intestine removed. I had just gotten off active duty army 2 weeks prior.

The following year, i was about to finish my 2nd semester as a biomedical engineering major when I got a letter saying I was getting called back to the army. I got deployed, had my humvee blown up twice and lost a couple buddies , and was involved in a few firefights. I tried to go back to school when I got back, and couldn't sit in class for more than 5 minutes because my anxiety and hypervigilance was so out of control. I dropped out about a month into the semester.

To end on a more positive note, I finally went back to school after ditching alcohol, the VA, and the bucket of meds I was on, and switched to medicating with Cannabis. I will graduate in the Spring with a B.S. in microbiology. I'll be 37.

[Foreverford05]

in 2011 I went on a tubing trip with some friends and the group that went ahead of us lost a member in a group of rapids. it took about 3-4 minutes for everyone to re-group before they realized that someone was missing. We offered to help look for her so we trotted back up the river about 30 yards or so and started looking, we found her tube but didn't find her. About 30 minutes went past and part of her group found her, pulled up under the embankment tangled in roots and mud. We immediately came over to help untangle her and get her to some flat-ish bank area where other members of her group began CPR to try and bring her back, but everyone knew she was dead.

Honestly the hardest part was the wait for EMT/medics to arrive on the scene; due to our location it took almost an hour for someone to get back to the launch, use a phone to call and then for the help to arrive. Everyone is just standing around crying hysterically while there deceased friend just lays there, we didn't even have a towel to put over her.

Since then I've never been swimming in a river or lake again, and not sure if I will (which, being from VA was a huge part of my childhood) I've definitely been to my fair share of funerals and seen people who've passed on but to be that close to a deceased person in that situation was traumatizing and puts life and death in a different view for me, so to speak. I'll barely swim in the ocean anymore or anywhere that I can't see everything around me. Such a positive day, beautiful weather, everyone having a great time enjoying the outdoors, then this. It was awful.

[drop2d]

My first marriage

[M. Steng]

Originally Posted by Drwbllz

When I was 22, I was stabbed in the gut at a friend's X-mas party. I had my inf. vena cava severed, and had my gall bladder and a few feet of intestine removed. I had just gotten off active duty army 2 weeks prior.

The following year, i was about to finish my 2nd semester as a biomedical engineering major when I got a letter saying I was getting called back to the army. I got deployed, had my humvee blown up twice and lost a couple buddies , and was involved in a few firefights. I tried to go back to school when I got back, and couldn't sit in class for more than 5 minutes because my anxiety and hypervigilance was so out of control. I dropped out about a month into the semester.

To end on a more positive note, I finally went back to school after ditching alcohol, the VA, and the bucket of meds I was on, and switched to medicating with Cannabis. I will graduate in the Spring with a B.S. in microbiology. I'll be 37.

I mean this sincerely, thank you for your service and sacrifice.

[Drwbllz]

Originally Posted by M. Steng

I mean this sincerely, thank you for your service and sacrifice.

[Tiduwho]

Originally Posted by Foreverford05

in 2011 I went on a tubing trip with some friends and the group that went ahead of us lost a member in a group of rapids. it took about 3-4 minutes for everyone to re-group before they realized that someone was missing. We offered to help look for her so we trotted back up the river about 30 yards or so and started looking, we found her tube but didn't find her. About 30 minutes went past and part of her group found her, pulled up under the embankment tangled in roots and mud. We immediately came over to help untangle her and get her to some flat-ish bank area where other members of her group began CPR to try and bring her back, but everyone knew she was dead.

Honestly the hardest part was the wait for EMT/medics to arrive on the scene; due to our location it took almost an hour for someone to get back to the launch, use a phone to call and then for the help to arrive. Everyone is just standing around crying hysterically while there deceased friend just lays there, we didn't even have a towel to put over her.

Since then I've never been swimming in a river or lake again, and not sure if I will (which, being from VA was a huge part of my childhood) I've definitely been to my fair share of funerals and seen people who've passed on but to be that close to a deceased person in that situation was traumatizing and puts life and death in a different view for me, so to speak. I'll barely swim in the ocean anymore or anywhere that I can't see everything around me. Such a positive day, beautiful weather, everyone having a great time enjoying the outdoors, then this. It was awful.

This is why I will never do anything even remotely life-threatening like rapids. Especially will not with my fiance or any loved ones. Sorry for your loss.

[Roose13]

Being a Philadelphia sports fan is pretty traumatic

[M. Steng]

When I was 11, my dad's parents died 34 days apart. They were in their 70's and had divorced when my father was 12, but had remained friends throughout their lives.

Obviously the loss of my grandparents was a huge deal in my life, but what really had a lasting impact on me was seeing my father truly vulnerable for the first time in my life. When I was young, I viewed my dad as a hero (he was a fireman for 32 years), he was always strong and I'd never seen him cry before. But during that month or so, I saw him at one of the deepest levels of hurt that someone can experience, and it made me truly realize that my dad was just a man. I still respect the hell out of him for being able to get up and go to work every day during that time.

Also, around that time, 9/11 happened. Fortunately, I didn't know anyone directly that was hurt or killed in the attack (though one of my teammate's dads was among the victims). That day still had a huge impact on my life and I mark it as the day in my life where my innocence was lost.

[chadizzy1]

I wouldn't say traumatic, but I would say the hardest thing I ever went through was the custody battle for my daughter in 2009 and becoming a single father. That was the most challenging thing I ever faced but that made me who I am today. It taught me the meaning of sacrifice, and selflessness and truly shaped how I view the world, the home, family, and personal responsibility

[Useliteski]

The vibe in this thread is really cleansing. I had a much needed heart to heart with my dad last night and I'm sitting at the gate at Logan airport feeling really glad I did. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

[Roose13]

I think the first real-world slap in the face I got was seeing my grandmother suffer with Alzheimer's for 10+ years. Not having her know who the fuck I was really hurt me for a long time. I wish I had better memories of her because I only got to really enjoy her time when I was so young (before 12-years old).

Knowing she went through that opened my eyes to how shitty the world can be sometimes.

Another thing - not so traumatic but eye-opening - was growing up in Atlantic City around kids who didn't have fathers or their parents didn't care where their kid was. Kids practically had nothing. It made me not take things for granted.

[smudge1]

I was in a car accident when I was 17. I sat in the middle of the back seat..five of us in the car. Datsun 280Z.
My best friend for some reason ran a stop sign and we got t-boned by a 65 Lincoln doing 70mph.
Car did two 360's..flipped and ended up in a yard on a fire hydrant.
Once the blackness faded..I looked at my friend..the driver. Rear view mirror sticking out of his chest..then I looked at my girlfriend next to me..she touched me and cried..said it hurt..it hurt so much..
Both of them passed away that night. I walked away with minor injuries.
I woke the next day with a new appreciation of life...to live life to its fullest.
I've never been the same person after that night.
You gotta live life while you're here..cause you never know when it's going to end.

[TheLastPig]

Originally Posted by smudge1

I was in a car accident when I was 17. I sat in the middle of the back seat..five of us in the car. Datsun 280Z.
My best friend for some reason ran a stop sign and we got t-boned by a 65 Lincoln doing 70mph.
Car did two 360's..flipped and ended up in a yard on a fire hydrant.
Once the blackness faded..I looked at my friend..the driver. Rear view mirror sticking out of his chest..then I looked at my girlfriend next to me..she touched me and cried..said it hurt..it hurt so much..
Both of them passed away that night. I walked away with minor injuries.
I woke the next day with a new appreciation of life...to live life to its fullest.
I've never been the same person after that night.
You gotta live life while you're here..cause you never know when it's going to end.

My gosh man, im so sorry.

[coldengrey12]

My half-brother was killed by a drunk driver when I was 6. He was 17. My father was in the crash, too, but he survived with wrist and back injuries. Still, the way he and my mom reacted to that shaped them and shaped the way they raised me in ways that are innumerable.

I had a gf in high school. We went out after I'd had a massive crush on her for a long time. It didn't end well. To say I handled that poorly is an understatement of staggering proportions, spiraling down into a pit of anger, hurt, depression and more. It took far too long, but eventually, I sought the help I needed. Still, I think something good came of it. She realized she is bi after we split. Her first gf and I are friends to this day. I grew up with parents (dad in particular) who were strongly homophobic, so to go through that was painful and something I felt I had to keep secret from them, but seeing the hardships they had to endure with their families at that age made me so compassionate toward and impassioned about LGBT rights. I'm more proud of the work I've done as a journalist to talk about LGBT issues and the lives of LGBT people, particularly those in the military, than anything else.

My mom's had a lot of health issues during the past 15 years, including surgery on both hips last year as well as a rare neurological condition that requires her to have a pacemaker. She sat/laid in bed for the better part of a year while she was going from doctor to doctor to diagnose it. I was in college and out of the house then, but I think seeing her have to go from that, even from afar, made me a more empathetic person.

My dad died in 2010. I felt like I had to shoulder more responsibility, start acting and living like an adult. I feel like it made me sit up and think a lot more about the long term, although I haven't really done much to change the circumstances of my life (same job, same apartment). I do feel, however, like mentally and emotionally, I've become a whole different person — much more self-aware, empathetic, somewhere between an agnostic and a Buddhist. (Secular Buddhist, maybe?) I still feel on the cusp of big change, inspired further by the results and aftermath of the election, which has hit me incredibly hard.

[DaveHead36]

Probably one of the most traumatic events for me would be when my dad died suddenly. I was 17 going into my senior year in high school. He was only 51. I remember being at the school picking up my school packet with my schedule, all the kids gearing up for the start of school. They called my name over the intercom to goto the front office. As I was walking, a girl from my neighborhood said "What was with all the ambulances and firetrucks at your house?" I had no clue and raced to the office to see my grandfather standing there and I knew. All he had to say was "It's your dad-".

I think one of the hardest yet somehow weirdly therapeutic things was that my dad was a teacher at the high school. So I had to walk by his classroom every day my entire senior year. While it was hard, it also made me have to cope with the reality of the situation and face it head on.

Edit: Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories as well. Much love to everyone in this thread!

[recentlyJTR41]

2012 Iron Bowl and the Infield Fly Game

[drop2d]

Originally Posted by recentlyJTR41

2012 Iron Bowl and the Infield Fly Game

Yeah, along those lines... the 85 Super Bowl (I did not understand how good the Bears defense was... just a child new to the world of football) and 86 WS really fucked me up as a kid.

[hailtopitt]

Originally Posted by recentlyJTR41

2012 Iron Bowl and the Infield Fly Game

sounds like you've had a pretty easy life

[TheLastPig]

Here's another one im aware of. My best friend's mother, when she was 17-19 was riding in the back passenger side of a car with her friends, the kid in the front passenger seat stuck his head out of the window and get decapitated by a light post. All the blood flew back on her because her window was also open.

Shes a super sweet lady but goes over the line of being over-protective of my friend. Shes also one of those ladies that cant take no for an answer with things like food. Youre stuffed, but she almost makes you feel bad for not eating more
I know this all too well because every WVU game I attend she hosts the tailgate. She gets on my nerves, but she is like a second mom to me. I let it go because im sure that event had alot to do with the way she is.

[hailtopitt]

Originally Posted by TheLastPig

Here's another one im aware of. My best friend's mother, when she was 17-19 was riding in the back passenger side of a car with her friends, the kid in the front passenger seat stuck his head out of the window and get decapitated by a light post. All the blood flew back on her because her window was also open.

good lord

[jwehaeDMB]

Wow there is some grim, grim stuff in here. Power to you guys for talking about it and sharing.

[AlpineValley804]

I just lost my brother-in-law a few months ago in a motorcycle accident. He was in and out of the hospital for the past couple years and we didn't know what it was that was causing the trouble until we came to the conclusion that he was battling alcoholism. Things really took a turn for the worse once that secret was out. He skipped AA meetings and kept right on drinking. Labor Day weekend was coming around the corner and he really wanted to ride his motorcycle to come visit us from South Carolina. My sister tried and tried to talk him out of it and the more she tried, the more he insisted on doing it. There was nothing she could do to change his mind. He was killed on the way, driving recklessly and way over the legal limit. The two things I am grateful for is that no one else was hurt in the accident and my sister was not with him. she drove separately and arrived hours earlier when he was supposed to already be there.

Since it's so recent, it still is yet to be determined how it will shape me, but I do feel like it was a kick in the ass to really go after and pursue my goals in life. I wish it didn't take the sudden death of a close family member for me to come to that realization.

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by recentlyJTR41

2012 Iron Bowl and the Infield Fly Game

You should get banned for trolling.

[grace2]

going through severe episodes and battles with depression and anxiety from 2012-2014. resorted to drinking a lot, but started drinking very heavily (every day/all day) for about six months until getting myself into treatment in april 2014. this was a horrible time in my life, but i don't regret anything being that it got me to where i am now. treatment for alcoholism taught me much more about myself than it did anything related on how to not drink. been sober 2.5 years

i'm very lucky that i haven't had to deal with death of a close one. i'm 24 and even all my grandparents are still alive. that's going to be a difficult experience.

[coldengrey12]

Originally Posted by grace2

going through severe episodes and battles with depression and anxiety from 2012-2014. resorted to drinking a lot, but started drinking very heavily (every day/all day) for about six months until getting myself into treatment in april 2014. this was a horrible time in my life, but i don't regret anything being that it got me to where i am now. treatment for alcoholism taught me much more about myself than it did anything related on how to not drink. been sober 2.5 years

i'm very lucky that i haven't had to deal with death of a close one. i'm 24 and even all my grandparents are still alive. that's going to be a difficult experience.

So proud of you! That's a great accomplishment!

[AlpineValley804]

9/11 certainly was a day that shaped me - I still live in a before and after 9/11 mentality. But even though I was only 13 years old at the time, I think I already experienced my "lost innocence" moment several months earlier. It was May 2001, three years after I had moved from Los Angeles to Mikwaukee. I kept in frequent touch with my best friend from elementary and one day when we were talking on the phone, he told me that one of my schoolmates in LA who was a grade below us had shot himself in the head. He was only 11. He and I weren't terribly close, but we were certainly friendly with each other and hung out after Church and frequently before the morning bell rang.

The kid had it rough. He not only had a speech impediment that he was constantly bullied for, but his home life was not good either. His step father was a drunk and physically abusive and according to personal accounts from my mom, his mother was not much better - she said she saw times where on the playground, she would pull him by the ear for misbehaving. The final straw that ultimately determined his fate was that he stole 400 some odd dollars from his mom. A friend told her about it and he obviously got in a load of trouble for it. They found him the next morning in his room with his step father's gun to his head. He somehow managed to still be alive and was on life support for the next week or two, until they decided that there was nothing more they could do.

It's an event that still haunts me to this day. That for me was when suicide no longer was an abstract thing, and became a very real and profound action. Even being 2,000 miles away from it all, it weighed heavily on me for months afterward.

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by dmbetc

Was cheated on by my fiancé which has since changed my ability to fully commit to anyone and obviously issues with trust.

My brother was involved in an officer involved shooting that shook the small community we are from. He was cleared but days after someone burned down his house. He narrowly escaped, while luckily his wife and young boy were not home. We have a pretty big name in that community, multiple businesses that deal with the community every day. Our whole family lived in fear for many years. My brother still does.

I still find myself looking over my shoulder from time to time, or have trouble sleeping, even though I live across the country now. The incident has left me riddled with anxiety among other issues.

I'm so sorry about this. It sounds like you have a good understanding where the root lies. That's definitely a step in the right direction. I hope you are able to work through the anxiety in the years to come. I also have been cheated and lied to on more than one occasion. My tolerance for b.s. is very low.

[justink]

Originally Posted by dreamingrace

I'm so sorry about this. It sounds like you have a good understanding where the root lies. That's definitely a step in the right direction. I hope you are able to work through the anxiety in the years to come. I also have been cheated and lied to on more than one occasion. My tolerance for b.s. is very low.

where's my dicks?!

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by neumdogg

It's crazy how we suppress these memories. But I am glad you are coming to terms with it. It shapes us as people and that does not necessarily have to be a bad thing.

I completely agree. There have been a lot of cathartic moments for me within the last couple of years. I'm understanding so much more about myself then I ever have. I am and asking myself if I want to change certain aspects. Understanding the cause and the triggers, I think, are so important for me to create this change..

Nature vs. Nurture - sometimes I think its necessary to nurture oneself to change the nature.