What traumatic events have shaped you as a person?

[dreamingrace]

I'm thinking about changing my saying under my name to "damaged goods".

I don't know if anyone else was abused growing up but I was told to grab my ankles when I was bad. I was then hit hard with a 2 x 4. So many conflicting issues with both my father and mother with that one. My mother for not saying anything and my father for raising me the way he was raised. It stopped when I realized I could run faster than him, stand up to him and tell him "no."

I've worked through the healing with this one, but yeah....that was a big one.

I'm tougher for it in many ways but again....trust issues and I tend to want people to buck up and get over it - I'm a little desensitized but again, working through this to a better place. When the ones that love you the most abuse you while they raise you it becomes harder to understand deep, pure, healthy love. I'm working on it - I'm hopeful.

[daveshookme]

Holy fuck, was literally thinking about this an hour ago.

9/11

my mom getting deployed when I was in HS

I'm not really sure what else.

[recentlyJTR41]

My grandfather died 5 years ago and everyone deals with death, but it was the first time I lost someone I was so close to. The surreal feeling is what I had not experienced and that was tough to get used to. He's gone forever. He's not coming back. It's sad, but it's also a very odd feeling when you take the emotions out of it. His wife and my other set of grandparents aren't in the best of health so I'm sure I'll be losing more relatives in the next 5 years.

Was also treated very poorly by dad, uncles, and older brother for an extended time when I was younger. They cared for me still and bought me stuff and never neglected me just very mean and hateful. No abuse or anything either. I've never even been whooped I was a good kid lol but parents divorced when I was 5-6 and he re-married and had more kids and had this new family and it was a real slap in the face and I resented him because he didn't seem too interested in me for a good number of years.

Finally broke down and told him I hated him when my grandfather was dying of cancer and I was a wreck emotionally one day. Feel really bad about it now because it killed him and he divorced his second wife several years earlier and really changed as a person. As for my uncles and brother? Fuck them. I've never been treated so poorly by people in my entire life. I'm a confident person now, but being the baby growing up and always being picked on really did a number on me. I have a nephew now and would probably knock someone's teeth out if they ever talked or treated him like they did me. That's just not how children should be treated. Was never told I could do anything I set my mind to. Told me I sucked at baseball and never showed an ounce of support in anything I've ever done. If I liked a girl they teased me to no end. Still am a bashful when it comes to stuff. I was always the butt of the joke. At 26 I can handle mean words, but growing up was not fun when I was had to be around my dad's side of the family.

[Nick_United]

When I was 15 I almost drowned while white water rafting. I fell out of the raft and the current kept pushing me down. No matter how hard I kicked, I kept getting pushed down. I tried reaching up but could only feel the bottom of the raft. I can vividly remember a sense of calm overcoming me and honestly had the whole life flashing before my eyes experience. I felt a hand grab my wrist and it pulled me up. One of the other people on the raft was able to get me above water and pull me back into the raft. It felt like the whole thing lasted less than ten seconds but they told me I was under for over a minute.

Ever since then I just don't waste time being mad/upset. I am optimistic in almost all situations and generally just don't let things get me down. I find just being happy is the best way to live.

Oh, and I still go white water rafting every summer. I love it.

[neumdogg]

Wow. We are all really fucked up people. But that can all make us better people. I love it.

[grace2]

Originally Posted by neumdogg

Wow. We are all really fucked up people. But that can all make us better people. I love it.

everybody is fucked up

[Drwbllz]

Originally Posted by grace2

everybody is fucked up

Yeah, but sometimes seeing that other people are too helps put my fucked-upness into perspective.

[grace2]

Originally Posted by Drwbllz

Yeah, but sometimes seeing that other people are too helps put my fucked-upness into perspective.

exactly!

[coldengrey12]

What amazes me is how well our society functions given how messed up we all are.

Everybody has something they're dealing with. I was at a concert a few months back and I was thinking, "All of us and all of our problems are here together on this bus, generally respecting each other and being indifferent if not nice to one another, not acting on our worst impulses and darkest feelings." We were also standing in a lake of mud after two days of rain at a music festival.

The fact that we all mostly got along and looked out for one another, stayed safe and didn't get electrocuted is pretty impressive to me

[LowEnd_Theory]

My high school basketball coaches both dying. These were incredible mentors of mine, much more than just coaches, an incredible amount of love and respect, and the reason why I decided to attend the school I did to play basketball there in the first place. Beautiful people.

A few months after we'd won the JV championship my freshman year (an epic 22 point comeback, in fact), our coach was murdered (shot in the back) in Baltimore city one night. Absolutely devastating. He was 33 years old with a wife and 2 kids under the age of 4. It was my first real encounter with death and it really changed my life and the entire course of the remaining three years of high school. The other coach died of a heart attack a year or so later.

I was also falling head over heels in love with DMB at this point, and utilizing music in the face of grief and death was something that shaped my relationship with music forever.

[TheLastPig]

Originally Posted by LowEnd_Theory

My high school basketball coaches both dying. These were incredible mentors of mine, much more than just coaches, an incredible amount of love and respect, and the reason why I decided to attend the school I did to play basketball there in the first place. Beautiful people.

A few months after we'd won the JV championship my freshman year (an epic 22 point comeback, in fact), our coach was murdered (shot in the back) in Baltimore city one night. Absolutely devastating. He was 33 years old with a wife and 2 kids under the age of 4. It was my first real encounter with death and it really changed my life and the entire course of the remaining three years of high school. The other coach died of a heart attack a year or so later.

I was also falling head over heels in love with DMB at this point, and utilizing music in the face of grief and death was something that shaped my relationship with music forever.

Thats frightening.

Thats another aspect that hasnt really been mentioned in here and im sure its true for most of us. DMB helped me cope with alot of what I was dealing with even before I knew what it was. I would retreat to their music for joy and peace and it really helped shape me.

[KevinTH]

I've stated this before on the boards, and even created a thread for it, but I'm a recovering alcoholic. 3 years, 2 months and 14 days sober. The day I quit drinking changed my life exponentially. Glad to see there are other folks on these boards that have struggled and recovered, and for those of you still struggling - it's not too late. There's hope. There's love. There's support. There's a way out. And most importantly, you're not alone. I'm just so thankful that my wife stuck with me through the whole thing. We were about 10 months away from our wedding when I quit. I had an epic weekend and that Monday enough was enough. I had tried quitting a few times prior to that, but I was doing it all for the wrong reasons. I think one of the biggest thing that helped me quit was just owning it. Sucking it up and taking accountability for me and my problem and the things I had broken along the way. My mother had been telling me for years that I had a problem, but it's not up to mom, your wife, your boyfriend, your brother, your friends. YOU have to make the choice and you have to do it for YOU. No one else. That is the key.

Unfortunately my alcoholism got in the way of a lot of things in my life and even three years later I'm still finding things out about myself that I had suppressed. For instance, I've played the drums since I was in 4th grade (not so much recently, but we'll get there). When I was in high school I was, by default, the best drummer in the school. So when it came time to audition for music school, guess who couldn't fit his enormous ego through the door and botched the audition by not preparing at all? I got denied from both schools and immediately gave up. I said "F it", and turned to partying. I joined a band in college and we were really good, and then that fell through. Tough break-up after that, fell into depression and boom, turned to booze. I also turned to the guitar and writing. The next 10 years or so was riddled with alcohol and women. I met my wife almost 10 years ago, but the first half our relationship was filled with upsetting moments and hardships because I was often drunk. Anyway, fast forward to a happier time and a life without booze, I've only recently been reminded that I'm 35 and I'm not dead. I'm very unhappy at my current job and finally realized maybe I could make another go at my music. I'm still debating how I want to go about it (start gigging more, go back to school, etc.), but I'm doing it and I couldn't be happier with the decision. After my band ended I started playing guitar and writing my own music. I spent many years playing solo gigs, but it got tiring and boring and I still hadn't dropped the ego. I was also drunk most of the time. Then life took over and I had to focus on making a living etc. But like I said, I was recently reminded that there's still time to make a change. So this time, I do it right.

The point is that you can escape what feels like an inescapable Hell that is addiction if you try, and in the end the result is a beautiful feeling. One of the most positive things that came from it is that I've realized I'm capable of so much more than I ever gave myself credit for, but you also have to work for the things you want. You can't rely on hope that something will just come your way. You are in control of YOU, and you have the power to make your life better if you get out of your own way and just let yourself try. I don't know what will come of my attempt at music. Maybe I'll go back to school for production like I originally intended, maybe I'll go back to become a music teacher, or maybe I'll join a few bands and play as many solo gigs as I can until I am making enough to make that my sole source of income, I don't know. But at least I know if I give it another try I can be less regretful when I'm 50.

If anyone struggling with alcohol or any addiction wants to talk please reach out. I'm very passionate about my sobriety from alcohol and it's one of the things about myself that I'm most proud of. I'm ALWAYS open to talking about it with anyone and happy to help if I can. This is a cool thread in a weird way, and I hope people will remain respectful of those that have chosen to share their stories. My best to all of you still struggling with whatever issues you may have. Death, depression, addiction, whatever it is, I hope you have someone or something that can be a bit of solid ground to stand on and you make it through in some way or another. Just don't make it drugs and alcohol. It doesn't work. Trust me.

Peace and love, everyone!

[laura22]

wanna hug everyone that felt comfortable sharing. wanna hug anyone that doesn't

i developed an on-again/off-again eating disorder from age 17-22. it was complete hell. it's a competition against yourself that you will never win. i remember leaving my house for high school with a piece of paper in my backpack- it had a list of what foods i was allowed to eat for the day. everything was calculated out to ensure a large calorie deficit. that piece of paper was like my bible. at the end of the day, i felt elated when i stuck to it. and when i didn't, i felt worthless. but motivated to be better the next day. food consumed all of my thoughts. it was constant anxiety. it impacted all areas of my life- especially my social life. i couldn't even go out to coffee with a friend and be fully engaged in the conversation- my mind was elsewhere. it was worrying about how many calories of milk the woman put in my drink, and how i could make up for it later. i was obsessed with the scale. all of a sudden, the numbers were defining me

what really sucked is that restricting food became a coping mechanism against stress. in a fucked up way, it made me feel like i had a sense of control of something in my life. of course, i now realize i was just blind to all of the great things i had right in front of me. total distorted thinking. i had enough insight to know that i wanted to stop living this way, i was so sick of the mindset. it was exhausting. but everytime i tried to escape, i was reeled back in.. it was like a toxic relationship that i couldn't get away from. i honestly thought, numerous times, that there was never going to be an end to it.

when i was 22 years old, i was in the backseat of my friends car. we were driving home after partying the night before. i wanted to log in all of the booze i consumed in "my fitness pal" app, so i could see what the damage was and what food i had to sacrifice that day to make up for it. my mind was so preoccupied that i didn't realize i wasn't wearing a seatbelt. while my head was in my phone, we got in a brutal car accident- someone t-boned us and then we collided head-on into an ambulance. and i wasn't wearing a seatbelt. because i prioritized my eating disorder. what a shitty way to go.

i got out of the car, mouth pouring out blood, missing teeth. don't know how i didn't end up with brain damage. very lucky and very fortunate. after that day, i felt so fucking stupid and ashamed for how far i let the eating disorder own me. it was a huge wake up call on how precious life is. i didn't have time to live like this anymore. it distracted me from all of the good things i had in my life. so many more valuable things to spend my time thinking about, so many awesome things to strive for. so many things to achieve. and i can't do these things when i'm being torn apart from an eating disorder

ive had a very healthy relationship with food for almost 2 years now. obviously, it's taken a lot of constant effort since the car accident, these things don't just "end". i've had to challenge my negative inner thinking a lot. journaling a lot. reading lots of books on nutrition for athletes. i've cut out negative people in my life, and started spending more time with the positive people. i don't know if you can fully "recover" from an eating disorder- i purposely threw out my scale and i don't read nutrition labels, because i dont think it's worth the risk .

but i'm really proud of where i am right now. i can actually sit down with a friend and enjoy a meal, fully present, fully engaged. and the act of eating? there's nothing more or less to it.. no emotion. there were times where i thought this type of life wasn't possible

[coldengrey12]

Eating disorders are crummy and challenging in a different way from something like addictions to alcohol or smoking.

Getting better with alcohol or smoking involves not doing it anymore. Eating disorders involve changing your relationship with food, which you still have to eat in order to, you know, live.

Good on you for taking healthy steps!

[twostep665]

In 2006 my wife gave birth to our first child very early. 23 weeks. He survived in the nicu for 17 days before passing away. Having to bury your own child is something I wouldn't want anyone to have to experience. After that my wife had four consecutive miscarriages. Now we have a 4 year old son and one year old daughter who are truly miracles. Hard to believe my first born would have been 10.5 years old now

[dreamingrace]

losing a child, let alone more than one...heart breaking. I can relate to this. So happy that you both were able to lift each other up and continue trying. What a gift.

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by KevinTH

If anyone struggling with alcohol or any addiction wants to talk please reach out. I'm very passionate about my sobriety from alcohol and it's one of the things about myself that I'm most proud of. I'm ALWAYS open to talking about it with anyone and happy to help if I can. This is a cool thread in a weird way, and I hope people will remain respectful of those that have chosen to share their stories. My best to all of you still struggling with whatever issues you may have. Death, depression, addiction, whatever it is, I hope you have someone or something that can be a bit of solid ground to stand on and you make it through in some way or another. Just don't make it drugs and alcohol. It doesn't work. Trust me.

Peace and love, everyone!

good man. thank you for sharing. your choice to return to music sounds fun and awesome - much love and luck to you!

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by Drwbllz

Yeah, but sometimes seeing that other people are too helps put my fucked-upness into perspective.

I can't tell you how happy I was as a child to see another dysfunctional family at work. It was also very helpful to see how the child in the other family, my friend, would deal with the dysfunction.

Totally messed up...but made me be able to put my life into a different perspective and made things easier to deal with, manageable even.

[ExistenceNow]

My brother, when he was 21, checked into the Marriott hotel in downtown San Antonio one random April night.

The next morning, he drove his car to the top of the nine story parking garage of that hotel.

He drank a few beers. He played some songs on his iPod. He put all his stuff in the trunk of his car.

He stepped to the edge of the top floor of that parking garage and jumped off it.


That was ten years ago. I still can't really even begin to understand or explain what it's done to me as a person, but it fucking broke me for sure.

[rconverse]

Had a friend commit suicide. Was able to see first hand the devastation.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by ExistenceNow

My brother, when he was 21, checked into the Marriott hotel in downtown San Antonio one random April night.

The next morning, he drove his car to the top of the nine story parking garage of that hotel.

He drank a few beers. He played some songs on his iPod. He put all his stuff in the trunk of his car.

He stepped to the edge of the top floor of that parking garage and jumped off it.


That was ten years ago. I still can't really even begin to understand or explain what it's done to me as a person, but it fucking broke me for sure.

JFC, that's terrible, man. I can't even imagine. Very sorry.

[gripes81]

Originally Posted by ExistenceNow

My brother, when he was 21, checked into the Marriott hotel in downtown San Antonio one random April night.

The next morning, he drove his car to the top of the nine story parking garage of that hotel.

He drank a few beers. He played some songs on his iPod. He put all his stuff in the trunk of his car.

He stepped to the edge of the top floor of that parking garage and jumped off it.


That was ten years ago. I still can't really even begin to understand or explain what it's done to me as a person, but it fucking broke me for sure.

I read this earlier today and it has stuck with me ever since, I don't have the words...

Originally Posted by rconverse

Had a friend commit suicide. Was able to see first hand the devastation.

When I was 20 my best friend took his life playing Russian Roulette with a 357 magnum while I was asleep at his house, 2 years later another really close friend couldn't handle the burden of life and decided to end it with pills...parents lives absolutely destroyed, I lost it for a while but luckily was able to get my head clear

[TwoStep2888]

some rough stuff itt

[gocubsgo3822]

Good thread. Hugs to everyone that has suffered and persevered.

[dreamingrace]

I'm sorry Matthew. :0/

I think I'm still learning how events in my life have shaped and continue to shape me.

[rconverse]

Originally Posted by dreamingrace

I'm sorry Matthew. :0/

I think I'm still learning how events in my life have shaped and continue to shape me.

Your avatar is traumatizing.

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by rconverse

Your avatar is traumatizing.

It's a very easy way for me to tell the maturity level of those posting.

Can't believe you would use sarcasm in a thread like this. I'm embarrassed for you. I won't be responding to you again.

[gripes81]

Originally Posted by dreamingrace

It's a very easy way for me to tell the maturity level of those posting.

Can't believe you would use sarcasm in a thread like this. I'm embarrassed for you. I won't be responding to you again.

don't you have a pipeline to be saving or something?

[dreamingrace]

Originally Posted by gripes81

don't you have a pipeline to be saving or something?

That's hysterical - what's your damage troll or is just having alters something that works for you again...and again? I'm glad y'all are coming out of the woodwork. I am still embarrassed for you it's obvious your issues run deep. I won't be responding to you...again.b

[OK_Ant]

Originally Posted by twostep665

In 2006 my wife gave birth to our first child very early. 23 weeks. He survived in the nicu for 17 days before passing away. Having to bury your own child is something I wouldn't want anyone to have to experience. After that my wife had four consecutive miscarriages. Now we have a 4 year old son and one year old daughter who are truly miracles. Hard to believe my first born would have been 10.5 years old now

I'm sorry to read about this.

It's sobering to think how fortunate I am. I was born in 24 weeks and spent the first 7 months of my life in hospital. I weighed 2 pounds, 14 ounces. I have physical, emotional and mental disabilities that have affected my life and aren't ever going away. But I'm 37 years old. I survived it all. But I occasionally wonder why me.