Feels Good About Hood
Join Date: Apr 2003
Re: **The Official Hopeless Romantics Thread**
The Golden Rule: Make it a habit to hit on every girl you’re interested in that looks at you twice, regardless of where you are. (within reason, of course) Once again: this will not hurt! Also, see rule #9.
1) No matter how good things might look at the beginning of a relationship, just assume it’s going to
fall apart and be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t.
2) When contemplating a relationship, assuming a woman is being logical is folly, and will only result in lost sleep.
Women are like a bus; there will always be another one along.
When doubtful about the reception of an attempt of a first kiss, be sure to give it three tries, if possible. Chances are the woman has reconsidered her first rejection, which may have been simply a reflex. No harm in making sure.
5) If you’re in the dorm/apartment wall-covering phase, remove all posters of bimbos and models and replace them with pictures/posters of couples. This whispers that you aren’t afraid of relationships, you are sensitive and, most importantly, sets you apart from every other ass-wipe on campus. Said wall adornments will also likely be what the woman will be looking at when you’re working rule #4.
6) If it feels like you may be calling her too soon at the beginning of a relationship, you absolutely are. In the grand scheme of things, two days ain’t gonna kill you. The same time frame flew by when you were dateless, so just chill, or go dateless some more.
7) Never, ever, assume you have a “full plate” and pass up attempting to getingt a good number when you can, (unless you have agreed to monogamy, of course). Remember, the whims of women could easily collapse all three other prospects you have on the same day.
8) Back away from long distance relationships. The money you save will finance plenty of mingling in your town, which inevitably leads to hook-ups.
9) If you get a second, sustained look from a woman in a social setting, you have a green light, and the opening line is all but irrelevant. A self-introduction and discussion of hometowns is all you need to get started.
10) Always chat up her marginal friend(s) and remember their names. These people have major influences on your target’s view of you, and they need to be treated with charm and respect.
11) For pursuing a girl in a group of people, try to chat up one of the guys that are involved for an inside track on information and possibly an introduction.
12) Very important: mention the girl’s boyfriend within the first five minutes. If she has one, you have wasted very little time.
13) This truth is self-evident, but it needs to be stressed anyway: if you don’t try talking to a women of interest, you definitely will not get a date with her.
14) In turn, the more you talk to them, the better you get at it. Just like everything else: practice makes perfect.
15) Avoid projecting your intellect onto your target. You both know what is going on here, but nevertheless her intelligence will not be insulted by compliments and general bullshit, even though you think they sound ridiculous.
16) If you manage to land a top-notch hottie do not go on and on about how attractive she is. Instead, compliment her intellect, even if she’s a moron.
17) Listen, listen, listen. Going on and on about yourself is a sign of nerves that has been the downfall of many a would-be Casanova. Briefly fill her in about stuff she asks about, but spend most of your time talking about her. This will set you apart from 95% of other dildos that hit on her and it will also make her feel comfortable.
18) Try your best to not look at other women passing by.
19) Absolutely no flowers until at least date three, and probably later than that.
20) Consider bowling for an early date. This will show how she deals with competitive situations, possibly lends excuses for hugging, and you can check out her ass and carriage to your hearts’ content. Oh, and you can drink.
21) If you’ve been seeing a woman for at least a few dates and she frequently raises her upper lip and/or rolls her eyes in response to your comments, dump her. You are only beating her to the punch, and that’s always nice.
22) Suggest lunch as a first date. For the woman it’s safer, and for you, it has a strict timeframe, so if she’s no good, you’ve only wasted an hour, lunch menu prices and haven’t had to buy drinks. Also, daylight is the ultimate “ugly light”, allowing you to make a sober assessment of her looks.
23) Don’t buy a woman a drink seconds after meeting her. It may turn out that she’s lame. Better she be lame and you still have that five bucks in your pocket.
24) Never, ever mention ex-girlfriends or wives. Ditto current girlfriends or wives.
25) If a woman has left a message unreturned, you will look like a loser if you make more than two more attempts. See rule #3 and move on.
26) Try your best to remember a girl’s number without writing it down, (famous athlete’s uniform numbers may help). There is something unappealing to a woman about having her digits written down in front of god and everybody; set yourself apart. Note: don’t try if you’re wasted.
27) When you have a prospect that’s difficult to close, make casual mention of future activities, (i.e. hiking, tennis, etc.), involving the two of you.
28) When working a prospect over the phone, be sure to be active physically instead of laying or sitting. You want to project energy, and moving about will help provide that. Also, a smile can be heard.
29) In the initial phase, back away from complimenting a particular body part. She’s heard it often before, and you should try your best be more creative than that. Limited compliments on attire is a green light, however.
Dave and Friends > DMB