I am freaking the FUCK out (womenfailC)

[MDrums54]

it is currently 2 PM, and I am quite surprised I have yet to have a heart/panic/anxiety attack...i am literally freaking the fuck out.

Looooooong story to a short one: i just broke up with my lady partner this past saturday. it was a mutual long-time coming type of thing because our relationship just wasnt working (im an idiot for talking to her at all). so finally we call it quits after a semester of stress and drama.

but what do i wake up to this morning? the worst text imaginable prompting me to immediately call her. the following conversation ensues:

dumbho: "i think im pregnant."
me: WHAT THE FUCK HOW
dumbho: idk. ive been so sick the past three days, before i even thought about wanting to end things with you. i woke up at 5 AM this morning and had to run to the bathroom to vomit. ive felt sick to my stomach for two days, i keep puking, im more emotional than ever, my tits are tender, and ive been getting menstrual cramps
me: well thank god maybe its just a rough period?
dumbho: no, im on my birth control and my period isnt for two more weeks
me: but if youre on your birth control then how the fuck could you be pregnant? you ARE taking it around the same time EVERY SINGLE DAY like youre supposed to (and like you told me you were), right?
dumbfuckingidiot: .....no. every now and then like i miss a day and take two at once sometimes...im just really bad at keeping on time with it.
me:
dumbcunt: well its probably nothing, theres no need to get so bent out of shape or worried im gonna take a pregnancy test later today.


are you fucking kidding me? first off, i am on adderall right now, and any time something remotely stressfull starts going down its more or less irreversible and it drives me crazy until it is resolved. second off, this girl is so fucking stupid i cant even come up with the words to describe it. she has birth control, told me to stop using condoms, guaranteed me she was taking it correctly, then waits until she thinks shes pregnant to tell me she hadnt been. i hadnt came inside of her, but when you fuck four or five times in a few hours, im sure theres some sperm or two still chillin on my dick that wana crawl their way up her retarded vagina. lastly, and worst of all, she is a christian fuckbag and does not believe in abortion, whether you catch it in 1 week (last time we fucked) or 1 month. she has said before, "if i got pregnant, im having it and keeping it," thus prompting me to get her on the birth control to begin with...and now she pulls this.

so what the fuck do i do!? miss nonchalant cuntasaurus-ex is taking her dandy old fucking time and taking a nap before she gets a pregnancy test, and im stuck in the library bugging the fuck out.

every website i look at that says "first signs of pregnancy" is pointing towards...YOURE FUCKED. i can NOT have a child at 20 years old, let alone with this crazy bitch as a mother. im just going nuts...i dont know what to do until she takes that test; nothing is taking my mind off it.

[water_into_wine]

*Grabs popcorn*

Edit: Are you sure she isn't constipated?

Double Edit: Such a trap...

[gonz085]

plan A: you're gonna have to sacrifice a clothes hanger
plan B: invite her up to talk, bring her upstairs, make sure she goes down them
plan C: this will be bloody, and much more complicated. PM.

[doesmusicbest]

Finish her.

[mcwyffe]

didnt you get sum with some slampiece and post noodz of her?

[OneEyedFish]

Rent Dirty Dancing.

[Nick@Night]

Looks like another kid welfare gets to take care of.

[dmbgodagirl41]

So let me get this straight: you dont' take the steps needed to prevent this, and you put it all on her and make it her responsiblity, and when one slips past the goalie, and she is honest with you about it, she's the one who sucks?

Also, hate to say it, she's freaking out more than you are, buddy.

Is it a trust thing? What's the issue?

[mcwyffe]

Originally Posted by dmbgodagirl41

So let me get this straight: you dont' take the steps needed to prevent this, and you put it all on her and make it her responsiblity, and when one slips past the goalie, and she is honest with you about it, she's the one who sucks?

Also, hate to say it, she's freaking out more than you are, buddy.

Is it a trust thing? What's the issue?

typical woman

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by dmbgodagirl41

So let me get this straight: you dont' take the steps needed to prevent this, and you put it all on her and make it her responsiblity, and when one slips past the goalie, and she is honest with you about it, she's the one who sucks?

Also, hate to say it, she's freaking out more than you are, buddy.

Is it a trust thing? What's the issue?

didn't you read? he's only 20!

[Sniper15]

Take note children, this is why you don't bone skanks from Jersey.

[brianlisk]

Dear Abstinence,

You were right.

Sincerely,
MDrums54

[dmbgodagirl41]

Originally Posted by mcwyffe

typical woman

Hey, I'm not saying that the kid shouldn't be freaking out, but i don't get how she is automatically the bitch in the situation.

It's called a condom. Wear it. The whole "She said I didn't have to" and youa actually listened makes you a retard. If you think she's crazy, why are you putting your unprotected dick in her and raw dogging it?

Really? Seriously? I can break it down Katie-O style if you need me to.

[dmbgodagirl41]

Originally Posted by gonz085

didn't you read? he's only 20!

This made me . Nice.

[Sniper15]

Do they sell condoms in Jersey?

[rickyh24]

wow

[Crush086]

This should be good. Sucks to be you OP.

[water_into_wine]

Originally Posted by dmbgodagirl41

Hey, I'm not saying that the kid shouldn't be freaking out, but i don't get how she is automatically the bitch in the situation.

It's called a condom. Wear it. The whole "She said I didn't have to" and youa actually listened makes you a retard. If you think she's crazy, why are you putting your unprotected dick in her and raw dogging it?

Really? Seriously? I can break it down Katie-O style if you need me to.

Feels good man.

[NextMovement41]

Shits wild.

[MDrums54]

Originally Posted by mcwyffe

didnt you get sum with some slampiece and post noodz of her?

absolutely, but that was a random hook up while me and the ex were still uncertain of what we wanted (she clearly doesnt know about it).

Originally Posted by dmbgodagirl41

So let me get this straight: you dont' take the steps needed to prevent this, and you put it all on her and make it her responsiblity, and when one slips past the goalie, and she is honest with you about it, she's the one who sucks?

Also, hate to say it, she's freaking out more than you are, buddy.

Is it a trust thing? What's the issue?

1. i used a condom everyday until she gave me the, "ya know, now that i'm on birth control you dont NEED condoms anymore."
2. i NEVER bust inside of her when i fucked her raw, BC or not.
3. she straight up lied to me and told me she takes it correctly. it doesnt work when not taken as directed, she knows this, and she consistently lied to me about it.
4. shes not freaking out at all. after i called her she laughed and said dont worry about it. now shes gonna go nap and eat and play with her little friends while im shitting my pants. that is disrespectful and selfish.

the issue is if this girl IS pregnant, i dont know what the fuck im going to do. thats the issue. i dont want to be with her for the rest of the school year let alone the rest of my life, but i refuse to have a kid in this world wondering who the fuck his dad was...so its like im fucked either way.

[dmbgodagirl41]

Plus, if the phrase "if I get pregnant, I'm keeping it" isn't a red flag for you to buy stock in Trojan, I have no clue what to tell you.

That's stupidity at a level I can't even comprehend.

[kittensXLI]

Some sperm or two still chillin definitely crawled up in her.

[RJP2741]

Lol, you a father?

[rickyh24]

Seriously OP just chill the fuck out.....It's going to be ok.....


Here this will help

[wnderwoman]

You were in a relationship with her and now she a dumbho/dumbcunt/dumbfuckingidiot. You're a classy dude. And a father.

In all seriousness, I hope for the baby's sake that she is not pregnant because you both sound really mature.

[dreamingrace]

it's out of your hands for now...

[gonz085]

yo OP, you know, umm, how can I put this. There are two holes down there for penetrating. jus sayin. feels good man.

[gonz085]

Originally Posted by rickyh24

Seriously OP just chill the fuck out.....It's going to be ok.....


Here this will help

good stuff

[Jimi Thing 10]

Ouch sauce bro.

[Corduroy Boy]

The OP is on the show Jersey Shore right?