Wedding Planning Stuff

[M. Steng]

Originally Posted by laura22

my friend is upset that i didn't make her MOH, after i was a co-MOH for her this october. she has 2 sisters but she asked me and 1 of her sisters to be the MOHs

a few weeks ago i took her out to lunch when i first "asked" her to be a bridesmaid, and she was really cool, understanding, and excited about it. she called me a week later to tell me she was actually hurt and upset, and not to be surprised if she acts "weird" around me. "i'm not mad, i'm just processing". oh and, "you should have told me at some point during my wedding process that you wouldn't be asking me to be MOH had the roles been reversed"

am i being insensitive or is this insanely petty and ridiculous?

It’s your wedding, and you get to call the shots. It’s not like your friend is excluded entirely. Just because she had a weird co-MOH situation doesn’t make you obligated to do anything for her. People put way too much stock into wedding related stuff like this, at the end of the day your and your partner’s happiness is all that matters. If this friend was a real friend, she wouldn’t be making herself the center of attention in this situation.

My wife’s friend pulled something similar when she asked my wife for a plus one. At the time she was dating (and subsequently married) a guy who my wife and I basically despise. We caved and invited him just to keep her appeased, and it was fine because we ignored him the entire time. Fucker wore khakis and no jacket to a black tie wedding, though

[Erich]

Originally Posted by laura22

my friend is upset that i didn't make her MOH, after i was a co-MOH for her this october. she has 2 sisters but she asked me and 1 of her sisters to be the MOHs

a few weeks ago i took her out to lunch when i first "asked" her to be a bridesmaid, and she was really cool, understanding, and excited about it. she called me a week later to tell me she was actually hurt and upset, and not to be surprised if she acts "weird" around me. "i'm not mad, i'm just processing". oh and, "you should have told me at some point during my wedding process that you wouldn't be asking me to be MOH had the roles been reversed"

am i being insensitive or is this insanely petty and ridiculous?

Give her a burger king crown.

I couldn't even come to my best man's wedding. Sometimes things aren't the way you want them and that's fine. Like Steng said, it's your wedding.

[Lee3691]

Originally Posted by laura22

my friend is upset that i didn't make her MOH, after i was a co-MOH for her this october. she has 2 sisters but she asked me and 1 of her sisters to be the MOHs

a few weeks ago i took her out to lunch when i first "asked" her to be a bridesmaid, and she was really cool, understanding, and excited about it. she called me a week later to tell me she was actually hurt and upset, and not to be surprised if she acts "weird" around me. "i'm not mad, i'm just processing". oh and, "you should have told me at some point during my wedding process that you wouldn't be asking me to be MOH had the roles been reversed"

am i being insensitive or is this insanely petty and ridiculous?

Is this the same person who had the weird engagement when she forced her fiancé to ask her again in front of half the east coast?

[mandy18]

Originally Posted by laura22

my friend is upset that i didn't make her MOH, after i was a co-MOH for her this october. she has 2 sisters but she asked me and 1 of her sisters to be the MOHs

a few weeks ago i took her out to lunch when i first "asked" her to be a bridesmaid, and she was really cool, understanding, and excited about it. she called me a week later to tell me she was actually hurt and upset, and not to be surprised if she acts "weird" around me. "i'm not mad, i'm just processing". oh and, "you should have told me at some point during my wedding process that you wouldn't be asking me to be MOH had the roles been reversed"

am i being insensitive or is this insanely petty and ridiculous?

It’s petty and ridiculous, but to her it hurts. And that’s valid to her.

You did nothing wrong. You don’t have to have people in the same roles, or even in your wedding party at all just because of what you were in theirs.
And you had zero obligation to point that out to her during her planning process or even think that far ahead.

It’s a situation where you did absolutely nothing wrong, but you still have a friend that is hurt by it based on her expectations. I would just talk to her and explain that she’s incredibly important to you & you didn’t want to make her seem anything less just because she isn’t a MOH. And give her some time.
Hopefully, she’ll realize she’s being silly.

But weddings and funerals / deaths seem to bring out the worst in some people.

Honestly, the woman I probably consider my closest friend today couldn’t even come to my wedding (15 years ago yesterday).

[laura22]

Originally Posted by M. Steng

It’s your wedding, and you get to call the shots. It’s not like your friend is excluded entirely. Just because she had a weird co-MOH situation doesn’t make you obligated to do anything for her. People put way too much stock into wedding related stuff like this, at the end of the day your and your partner’s happiness is all that matters. If this friend was a real friend, she wouldn’t be making herself the center of attention in this situation.

My wife’s friend pulled something similar when she asked my wife for a plus one. At the time she was dating (and subsequently married) a guy who my wife and I basically despise. We caved and invited him just to keep her appeased, and it was fine because we ignored him the entire time. Fucker wore khakis and no jacket to a black tie wedding, though

maybe wife's friend didn't give the guy a heads up on the dress code? woof

Originally Posted by Lee3691

Is this the same person who had the weird engagement when she forced her fiancé to ask her again in front of half the east coast?

YES. excellent memory

Originally Posted by mandy18

It’s petty and ridiculous, but to her it hurts. And that’s valid to her.

You did nothing wrong. You don’t have to have people in the same roles, or even in your wedding party at all just because of what you were in theirs.
And you had zero obligation to point that out to her during her planning process or even think that far ahead.

It’s a situation where you did absolutely nothing wrong, but you still have a friend that is hurt by it based on her expectations. I would just talk to her and explain that she’s incredibly important to you & you didn’t want to make her seem anything less just because she isn’t a MOH. And give her some time.
Hopefully, she’ll realize she’s being silly.

But weddings and funerals / deaths seem to bring out the worst in some people.

Honestly, the woman I probably consider my closest friend today couldn’t even come to my wedding (15 years ago yesterday).

yeah i think time is what she needs

bolded is so true


on a happier note, i got my dress

[TheLastStop123]

I feel you Laura. I have agonized over 2 college friends (married couple in our primary friend group) that I didn’t invite to our wedding who we haven’t spoken to in 2 years, but they invited me to theirs years ago and we all occasionally meet up at football tailgates etc.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I still feel guilty. Stressing about that stuff is pretty meaningless in the end.

[GSUdawg521]

My wife was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding years ago, before we met, but the friend had moved out of state and they just weren't as close anymore for years but the time our wedding came up, so she wasn't as bridesmaid in ours.

My closest friend wanted me to be his best man even though he has two brothers because he's not quite as close to them, but I think someone in his family suggested he should pick one of them as best man. I was still a groomsman. It is what it is and I think is stupid to get hurt over those kinda things. If your friendship is important enough you should be able to understand and put it aside.

[Arby]

Originally Posted by laura22

my friend is upset that i didn't make her MOH, after i was a co-MOH for her this october. she has 2 sisters but she asked me and 1 of her sisters to be the MOHs

a few weeks ago i took her out to lunch when i first "asked" her to be a bridesmaid, and she was really cool, understanding, and excited about it. she called me a week later to tell me she was actually hurt and upset, and not to be surprised if she acts "weird" around me. "i'm not mad, i'm just processing". oh and, "you should have told me at some point during my wedding process that you wouldn't be asking me to be MOH had the roles been reversed"

am i being insensitive or is this insanely petty and ridiculous?

It’s petty, selfish and unfair of her. It’s your wedding, you call the shots. Congratulations by the way, Laura!

at her implying you should have had your wedding party picked out at the time she asked you to be MOH

[mandy18]

Originally Posted by laura22

maybe wife's friend didn't give the guy a heads up on the dress code? woof

YES. excellent memory

yeah i think time is what she needs

bolded is so true


on a happier note, i got my dress

Yay!! Dress shopping was so much fun!

[eggsrsweet]

What are y’all’s thoughts/experiences on a wedding video?

[justinandimcool]

reject bridesmaid has a right to be butthurt, but pretty selfish of her to say something.


feel bad and move on, don’t kill anyone’s vibe bc of your own feelings, that goes for anything in life

[TypicalBilly14]

Originally Posted by Lee3691

Is this the same person who had the weird engagement when she forced her fiancé to ask her again in front of half the east coast?

I've been meaning to comment on this for the past few days but couldn't because I was away for the holidays, have my ants credentials saved as a cookie on my Mac in my house and only saw the comments on my I-phone when I had some downtime.

No offense, Laura, I'm not one to judge usually but if this is a true story where she made the dude ask again in front of new people, I wonder how sound of a mind this person has.

[laura22]

took advantage of the black friday sales this weekend to buy some of my bridesmaid gifts in advanced . also pinned down the photographer. next to do is find the hair/makeup peeps . on a roll

Originally Posted by TheLastStop123

I feel you Laura. I have agonized over 2 college friends (married couple in our primary friend group) that I didn’t invite to our wedding who we haven’t spoken to in 2 years, but they invited me to theirs years ago and we all occasionally meet up at football tailgates etc.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I still feel guilty. Stressing about that stuff is pretty meaningless in the end.

how many people did you invite overall?

Originally Posted by Arby

It’s petty, selfish and unfair of her. It’s your wedding, you call the shots. Congratulations by the way, Laura!

thanks arby!!! xoxooxo

Originally Posted by mandy18

Yay!! Dress shopping was so much fun!

oh god i was so nervous going haha. i had an irrational fear that i was going to look like a tree stump in everything

Originally Posted by eggsrsweet

What are y’all’s thoughts/experiences on a wedding video?

we aren't doing one but i understand the appeal. i really want to have a band so i'm cutting some other extra stuff out that i don't think is necessary (videographer)

Originally Posted by TypicalBilly14

I've been meaning to comment on this for the past few days but couldn't because I was away for the holidays, have my ants credentials saved as a cookie on my Mac in my house and only saw the comments on my I-phone when I had some downtime.

No offense, Laura, I'm not one to judge usually but if this is a true story where she made the dude ask again in front of new people, I wonder how sound of a mind this person has.

no offense taken
i actually saw her last night with a few other girlfriends for dinner/drinks and it went pretty okay. a little awkward in the beginning but just like mandy said, time heals

[scrock25]

Originally Posted by justinandimcool

reject bridesmaid has a right to be butthurt, but pretty selfish of her to say something.


feel bad and move on, don’t kill anyone’s vibe bc of your own feelings, that goes for anything in life

Literally nobody has any right to be offended at any choices one makes for their own wedding. Nobody.

[justinandimcool]

Originally Posted by scrock25

Literally nobody has any right to be offended at any choices one makes for their own wedding. Nobody.

anyone has a right to feel what they feel, its not like they can control it lmao. it’s all about what you do or say. and the reject made a selfish call

[laura22]

past brides/grooms

did you pick your bach weekend/destination? or did you let the homies figure it out

[dmbfd15]

Idk if this helps anyone but I eloped in Tahoe and it was best decision I/we ever made. Used the money we would have had to spend on a wedding as a down payment on a house. 10/10 would recommend.

[Erich]

Originally Posted by dmbfd15

Idk if this helps anyone but I eloped in Tahoe and it was best decision I/we ever made. Used the money we would have had to spend on a wedding as a down payment on a house. 10/10 would recommend.

I got married in city hall with only my grandma and my best man by our side. Used the wedding money for other expenses as well. 100% agreed.

[GSUdawg521]

Originally Posted by laura22

past brides/grooms

did you pick your bach weekend/destination? or did you let the homies figure it out

Yes but with the help of my brother and we kind of both agreed on it. New Orleans for me, and we all live in and around Atlanta. My brother had also been to 2 previous bachelor parties there so he did a really really good job planning it. It was amazing.

[Ascf33]

Originally Posted by laura22

past brides/grooms

did you pick your bach weekend/destination? or did you let the homies figure it out

I picked my own but it was all before the whole destination thing really started. We went to a Yankees game during the day and AC at night. Man, I'm old.

[TheLastStop123]

Originally Posted by laura22

how many people did you invite overall?

believe we invited around 150.

[YouNeverKnow25]

Originally Posted by laura22

past brides/grooms

did you pick your bach weekend/destination? or did you let the homies figure it out

I think you dictate the location and then let them take it from there. if you leave it up to everyone, it becomes a committee thing and you'll end up going out to Chili's for apps or something that's picked just for its being easy for everyone to agree to

[laura22]

mandy and brides
what did you do for shoes? any tips?

[DMBstandUP1984]

Originally Posted by YouNeverKnow25

I think you dictate the location and then let them take it from there. if you leave it up to everyone, it becomes a committee thing and you'll end up going out to Chili's for apps or something that's picked just for its being easy for everyone to agree to

They always have the coldest coors light drafts

[mandy18]

Originally Posted by laura22

mandy and brides
what did you do for shoes? any tips?

Do you have your dress yet?

I wore flats because it meant I didn’t have to get any length alterations on my dress - the dress I picked was literally just the exact length for flats.
Plus, I can trip on air, so I figured why add anything that could assist with that. I’m 5’10 anyway (though, I have room because my husband is 6’4), but flats just made sense. And I was married in November. Even though it ended up being a sunny 60 degree day, I wasn’t taking chances and getting cute strappy type shoes. So just pretty flats that went with my dress.

[GSUdawg521]

Can't believe I'm chiming in about girls wedding shoes

We had an outdoor wedding (can't remember Laura if you've said what yours is). My wife had these little things, can't think of what to call them -- clear pieces that clipped onto the bottom of her heels to give them a wider surface area so she didn't sink into the ground as much. We also bought 1.5" x 12" x 12" pave stones from Home Depot for all the bridesmaids to stand on during the reception. We just had them placed in the right spots beforehand so they knew where they went and again so they weren't sinking into the ground. We knew there was a chance of rain and it did in fact pour the morning of the wedding, so was probably a good call.

And p sure my wife had a second pair of comfy but still dressy flats she changed into at some point during the reception.

We got married at the lake where my in-laws live, right by the water's edge. After the wedding, someone just chucked those paver stones right there into the water where it's only a couple feet deep. 6+ years later you can still see them on the bottom, like a little underwater memorial for our wedding

[M. Steng]

My wife had some dope navy blue high heels for the ceremony and then changed into some sparkly blue Sperry sneakers for the reception and dancing. She looked great and got a lot of compliments on the footwear

[neumdogg]

My wife had sparkly Louboutin heels

[TheLastStop123]

my fiancee is planning on wearing sparkly keds for the reception

[Lee3691]

Laura, has your non maid/maiden of honor friend started speaking to you again?