Re: Random Thread Pt. 2
so I said what I needed to say, put my heart out there and got the expected result. I realize that this is all my fault. I pushed him away like I do to most people who get to close. And he responded the only way I let him, by leaving. I wish I could do it all over again, take back the things i said and did. I want to go back to the once upon a time when we were happy together. But life doesn't work that way.
My head knows it was over buy my heart isn't accepting it. I've had 2 great loves in my life and I managed to screw both of them up. I am starting to wonder if there will even be a third.
Maybe it's the stress of the move, the working 2 jobs, the unbaked cookie dough in the fridge, the cards that haven't been sent, the impending lawsuit or just day to day stress but I really wish I had him back in my life. A shoulder to lean on, a caring person to cry to. No I'm not depressed but I'm at my limit and I really wish I had someone that was more than a friend to share my burdens with. But instead the cold reality of the words "i have decided to move on" backlit by the harsh LED glow. Sitting alone in my dark room those words hit me a little harder than they should. It's been a long while now and I probably shouldn't still feel this way. It would be different if he didn't still care but I don't think I could take that either. Yes I realize it will be ok, but right now all the little day to day things have been reminding me of a time long past. I just wish I could shut that part of me away until i was ready to deal with it. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time, clutching the hard piece of plastic that is my only tie left to him.
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~Angel
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